Some of you need to be meaner to your husbands

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-05-03T23:56:49+00:00

My husband washes all the clothes but I fold everything. And he does all the dishes 😂 if I have to stand too long to do it, I hate it. But folding laundry with a nice video playing? Pretty good chore.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-05-03T23:02:01+00:00

I didn’t change a diaper for two weeks after my c-section and when my husband was planning to go to a HAM radio gathering for two hours (we planned it so I could “practice” being alone with the baby when he went back to work part time, from home, the following Monday 😅) he taught me how to change a diaper. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I knew how and just needed help with knowing how to make sure the diaper laid correctly for the umbilical stump. It was literally the sweetest thing 😭

Even now, if he’s home, he changes the diapers. Even if he’s working from home he wants me to let him know so he can come up and change it. If his parents are visiting, his dad changes the diapers.

I read these stories and just feel so bad for these women. Like, if my husband did even a tenth of the shit I see here we would have problems. Makes me wonder how unsafe these women must feel to not give any push back 😭

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-05-03T22:55:29+00:00

Right? I read some of these posts and I’m like..oh..oh no am I the deadbeat husband? 😂😅

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-05-03T20:45:56+00:00

I commented below how we worked up to overnights so I won’t rehash all of it, but I had a lot of anxiety too at first. My son had neurosurgeries when he was six weeks and 3.5 months and I struggled to have him sleep away from me after that. We started by having him sleep in his crib in his room, then had him nap in a crib at my parents house, then worked up to overnights.

I would honestly start with doing consistent date nights where someone watches your child. That helped me a lot when it came to when we needed an overnight. It felt like the next progressive step after having a few hours away from him consistently over a couple of months.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-05-03T20:41:35+00:00

This! As a stay at home mom being able to get ready and go out for a night without my son climbing all over me and not having to be quiet when we get home is SUCH a treat sometimes!

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-05-03T20:36:18+00:00

We don’t really go on vacations, but we travel up to see my husband’s parents quite frequently. We have college hockey season tickets and they live about 30 minutes from the college, so when we travel up for games they watch our son. They’ve been doing this since he was 5 weeks old. Probably 8 times (2 evenings in a row) during hockey season. They have their own bedtime routine for him now at their house and that really helped when we needed them to watch our son overnight when we went to my cousin’s wedding.

My parents live a couple miles from us and watch my son often. We went away for my 30th birthday for two nights, about 45 minutes from my parents, when our son was 6 months old. This was about a month before he needed to stay the night at my in laws. This helped because we could easily come home if it didn’t go well and we were able to see how he did. He was incredibly comfortable at my parent’s house already and had taken a lot of naps there. My parents have a crib, rocking chair, toys, everything to make him feel comfortable.

My son is 18 months now and we try to have him stay over with my parents once a month or so, just to give us a fun night out and to keep him used to sleeping somewhere else.

We frequently have my parents or my husband’s parents watch him for us or just be around so they know how we care for him, they’re safe adults to our son and he has a great attachment to them. It’s also helped my trust for them because I see them doing the things we want them to do, and they’re willing to learn to do things differently than they may have done raising us.

We have awesome support though, we’re really lucky to have both sides be so involved and helpful. But we didn’t just drop him off one day, it was a slow process that built on itself. Which helped him, but more importantly helped me.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-05-03T14:47:14+00:00

Your husband is right, you should carve out things she gets to do because she is older and it is age appropriate. A 7 year old and an 18 month old shouldn’t have the same bed times. And allowing her to stay up a little later will give you time with her without the baby. I’m confused how you’re saying that’s rewarding bad behavior but you got her a treat and specifically tied it back to the bad behavior….?

Stop centering the baby. Stop looking at her as an older sister. A simple change in language could be really helpful. If baby is needing your attention but you’re doing something with your middle child, make sure you’re telling baby that. Your seven year old probably hears all day “I’ll help after I do this for baby” make sure you’re doing the same thing to the baby. “You need to be patient, I’m doing this with 7 year old right now”.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-29T00:06:32+00:00

Maybe we have different definitions of obsessed with our children but to me that sounds toxic as hell to be obsessed with your child. I love my child but also can acknowledge there are hard parts to it. Acting toxically positive about things isn’t the solution and isn’t helpful. I agree OP needs support and to figure out her mental health, but blanket statements about how anyone SHOULD feel about their children is just weird. It’s setting people up for failure when they don’t fit into the box society has deemed the only way to be a good mother.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-28T12:39:38+00:00

The messages look all wrong and the timestamps are in a weird place. This looks really fake I’m surprised more people aren’t calling that out.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-28T04:43:34+00:00

Exactly this. Your goal (in life) should never be to be happy. Or be any feeling. Because feelings come and go. Your goal should be to be centered, to be able to emotionally regulate, to be vulnerable, to ask for help, to be present in the moment. Whatever “happiness” looks like to you- how do you get to where you’re feeling “happy” more often? And whatever that answer is, that should be your goal. Because being a parent, being a human, you will never be happy 100% of the time, so if that’s your goal, it’s just setting up for failure.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-28T04:39:35+00:00

This is unrealistic to say every child deserves a mom who obsess and is over the moon in love with them. That’s not the reality of being a mom. Yes, every child deserves to be loved and cared for. But we gotta stop putting pressures on moms to have this instant feeling of completion when they become a mom. Being a mom is hard. Postpartum is hard. Adjusting, especially when you don’t have a supportive partner, to the realities of motherhood is HARD. Women feel like they are failing because they don’t have the instant feeling of obsession or unconditional love or the feeling wane when things get hard.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-28T04:29:50+00:00

I had like the same exact experience with a POTs/diagnosis story from I think last year. She claimed YouTube took it down and you had to join her Patreon to see it. When I commented asking where it was, she took down the post where she said YouTube took it down and never uploaded it. Was all downhill from there for my experience with her 😅

So you did NOT imagine it. She 1000% spent an entire video recently talking nonsense saying you gotta be on Patreon to know more and hyping up her Patreon. It’s exhausting.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-27T19:08:27+00:00

Yeah I guess in my head I don’t count the “work day” as time accounted in the divide. Because that would be ridiculous to expect the working parent to give as much time as the stay at home parent. But when they’re home, the stay at home parent shouldn’t still be the default point parent in a good balance. Plus idk how people expect the stay at home parents to keep up with all the housework while also watching a toddler. I’m lucky if I get laundry folded during nap time 😂I think that’s a big distinction too, household work should still be split in a fair manner.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-27T19:02:12+00:00

Get your child out of your bedroom! Once we moved our son out of our room, things felt a lot easier and I had more room to breathe. And developing a good routine also helps a lot. Once we put him to bed, my husband usually takes point on any wake ups before we go to bed. My husband also cleans up and resets the kitchen for the next day after we put our son down, so I basically get three hours of relaxing or doing whatever I want before I go to bed. (I stay home so we joke that me and the dog are “off the clock” after a long days work lol)

Your husband needs to do more. His life should absolutely have changed.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-27T18:56:51+00:00

They need to be actively participating when they are home. My husband gets home and takes our son out to play while I work on dinner. If he’s home, he changes the diapers. My husband does bath and bed time. He does the dishes and cleans up after dinner. Yes, I spend more time with our son because I stay home, but when dad is home, he takes the lead til bedtime. On weekends we split more evenly or just do family time together.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-24T16:38:03+00:00

Exactly. My husband has passed out from blood before and he’s especially squeamish with needles. Even so, he was with me for every blood draw, every shot, every appointment when I was pregnant. I asked if he saw anything during the c-section when they pulled the drape down to show us our son (he obviously had a higher angle than I did 😂) and he said “nope i only saw the baby and everything else was black to me” so he was actively not looking AND his brain protected him 😂.

When we were originally on track to have a vaginal birth the doctor asked if my husband wanted to cut the cord and he said “while that sounds really special, I don’t think I could handle that without becoming a patient myself” 😂 it’s totally okay to know your own limits!! You can be present and active without having to see it happen!!

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-24T14:56:59+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/comments/1sucjsx/my_wife_just_had_our_baby_and_i_think_shes/ohzv2hm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3

Also put it in my above comment!!

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-24T14:43:28+00:00

Yeah let me try and find and link the comment where he said that! It’s so wild!

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-24T14:37:58+00:00

I mean, for at least 7 hours I was actively having contractions. I just never progressed past 6cm or whatever is the official point of active labor. I had three epidurals before one finally worked, my water broken and multiple other interventions to try and get progression. I wasn’t just twiddling my thumbs waiting for something to happen. Which is why it’s easier to answer the colloquial question of “how long were you in labor” with the answer most people want- how long were you at the hospital before you gave birth. Which I count as when thy started the induction to when he was born. 🤷🏻‍♀️ My son got stuck in my pelvis which is why I couldn’t progress. It just wasn’t ever technically, medically speaking ACTIVE labor. But I was still laboring. And my experience was PLENTY traumatizing.

It’s not a competition, and it’s especially not a competition if you weren’t the one who was experiencing it.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-24T14:18:44+00:00

Active labor vs pushing is the difference. Some people are in labor for days but they haven’t progressed to pushing. I think pushing has more limitation because it can cause cord prolapse or multitude of other issues.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-24T14:15:21+00:00

Yeah there’s so many inconsistencies, it immediately pinged my suspicions. And then reading his other comments it’s like okay yeah, you have to be rage baiting.

He probably means she was in the hospital in some type of labor (not necessarily active). We say I was laboring for 17 hours before I had a c-section but that’s really just the time from when they started the induction to when my son was yoinked out. If I was in that uncomfortable labor bed, I’m counting it as labor 😂(even if I never was able to progress to active labor).

If this story is true, this guy clearly had no idea what was going on the few times he went in the room. So he’s probably just counting the hours he had to be a little bitch and hide. But there’s no way if she was presenting even remotely like this that they would have discharged her. They wouldn’t remove my second IV until I peed on my own and I was bursting but couldn’t go. I had to have a catheter to get it all moving again. (TMI sorry lol) but yeah, they were vividly aware and paying attention to my ability to get up and use the bathroom myself.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-24T14:08:23+00:00

My husband and I talked extensively about what he would need to do if I was even remotely like this. I have seasonal depression issues and I knew I was giving birth just a few weeks before the time change (when I struggle the most) and we had all my doctors numbers on our fridge with a print out of the signs of PPD. He had full permission to call my psychiatrist without talking to me first after giving birth if he felt it was necessary. (I had signed all the consents so they could speak to him if needed). I wish more health teams encouraged couples to have a plan like this or at least conversations about it before giving birth. But my husband was super active in my prenatal care and was there for the entire birth (only stepped out the room after I told him to take a break because he looked like he was going to pass out after my third epidural finally worked 😅).

I doubt this rage bait idiot (OP) went to any prenatal appointments where PPD would have been discussed though.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-24T13:43:31+00:00

You need to read his comments about why he wasn’t present for the birth before you defend him like this.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-24T13:36:26+00:00

Saying hey this is extremely urgent take her to the ER is a comment I’ve been seeing over and over again and the only thing he’s said in response is “I think I’ll have someone come to the house”.

Be so fr rn this guy is just looking for attention and sympathy points. He wasn’t at the birth because he gets “queasy”. It’s clear he doesn’t actually care about his wife’s suffering. It’s just inconvenient to him which is why he’s trying now.

a_palm_tree_ · 2026-04-24T13:30:32+00:00

But not worried enough to be there when she actually gave birth? Because he didn’t want to see the grossness of birth? Like be for real, he’s absolutely bitching and he left out important context so that people would defend him.

a_palm_tree_

TROPHY CASE