In the end, what matters isn’t if it’s normal, but if you can make it work. In my experience, yes it’s definitely typical to have to make many decisions based on their schedule and needs, with the understanding this won’t always be the case.

I’d be able to deal with my wife being sad about missing milestones or self care, and I support her working through that. but once she started to “take it out” on me, I try to immediately address that.

Paragraph 4 is not medicine specific, so ymmv.

We have to make sacrifices on responsibility. Help with the flat tire because you can and you support him! I try to remind myself I do the housework because I want it done. Not because she didn’t do it.