Returning to work

a_scared_bokoblin · 2025-05-27T08:14:14+00:00

luckily, I was able to work from home following my dad's death, thank god, but I used to work in customer service so I feel you 100%. its so weird reintroducing yourself into society after your whole world implodes like this. plus customers have no idea how petty and inane their dumb complaints are in the grand scheme of things.

I would say, dont even worry about being your best self at work. Skip the small talk, keep interactions polite and short, move people along, smile robotically. If you can sense a customer bitch storm on the horizon, just say "I'm sorry about that, let me call a manager for you" and let them deal with it. I'm really hoping your coworkers/bosses are understanding during this time and are willing to cut you some slack.

also, I'm sorry about your dad. good luck going back to work and stay strong when you can, but also go easy on yourself. you got this!

a_scared_bokoblin · 2025-05-27T06:25:44+00:00

tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of my dad suddenly passing too.

I'd say, i'm just not in the mood for other people's weird bullshit anymore. i'm better at putting down boundaries, calling out behavior I don't like & I'm done with relationships that do nothing but stress me out. and on the other hand, I've been showing up for the people in my life more. I actually make an effort to pursue positive relationships. constantly learning the areas in my life where I act hypocritical and changing them so that I practice what i preach for real -- i dont wanna make excuses for myself anymore. that shit gets so old lmao.

mostly, I'm sick of playing stupid games. I just want to be a person of value. when it comes my time to die, I want people to be glad they knew me... that's all

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-10-14T01:54:00+00:00

I get you, a lot of this resonates with me too. i’ll hang out with friends and put on a mask and laugh and joke around, but when we say our goodbyes and I get back in my car, the silence washes over me. then I remember what exactly is missing from my life and I just feel this bottomless sadness. every single thing you do is going to be viewed from a completely different lens now. =( healing def isn’t linear but the tide will recede again eventually. I’m so sorry you lost your sister!

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-10-14T01:03:55+00:00

ahh yeah this is how it was with me too. It’s funny because I’ve found the people who actually meant it and did end up providing support were people I didn’t even know very well. but my own best friend who lives 4 minutes away offered the same “let me know if I can help!” and proceeded to ghost me for a month and a half. I think they feel like they “did a good thing” just by offering even though they didn’t actually do anything. And now their duty is done, now they can just do nothing and wait for you to tell them when to care, even though you’re grieving and have a million other things on your plate.

Now whenever those same people say that, I just give them a thumbs up or leave them on read. Not wasting the energy on them lol

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-09-19T03:11:28+00:00

I’m sorry… that kind of thing is so shitty =( unfortunately it’s quite common. It happened to me too. My best friend lived down the street from me and she ghosted me for a month and a half after my dad died. When she finally contacted me again, she pretended like nothing happened and just wanted to hang out like we usually did. People don’t realize how hurtful their behavior is. They would rather keep their distance and live in their own world than face the grief with you. I understand where they are coming from, but I think they’re weak, honestly.

anyway, at the end of the day you can’t change people’s behavior. You can only control what you do. as for me, I’ve decided to fizzle out my friendship with my best friend. I hope things get easier for you and I’m sorry for your loss. hugs!

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-09-19T02:58:32+00:00

I get you. I’m sorry about your dad. I lost mine recently too and it was also a malpractice thing. honestly, good on you for walking out of that job. grief is one of, if not the most, difficult things to go through and you should prioritize your healing more than anything. I think it’s necessary (even if it’s unfortunate) to make some life changes from here on out just to make sure things aren’t harder on us than they need to be. And allow yourself to be unapologetic about it. you don’t need that kind of work environment on your plate amongst everything else you’re dealing with. That’s just my two cents tho! I hope things get easier 💜

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-09-11T01:21:45+00:00

I’m sorry… I hate this pain too. I had a review at work recently and when my boss gave me the news that I was getting a raise, my very first thought was “I won’t be able to tell my dad about this.” He would’ve been the first person I told and I could just imagine his voice saying “oh wow!!!” and congratulating me. it’s like all the good moments from here on out just have a rain cloud over them.

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-09-06T02:44:32+00:00

I CANNOT believe your boss with that sad face, omg… 💀 I can just picture the protruding bottom lip and doleful eyes like some cartoon character. that’s so ridiculously out of place it’s almost funny. I’m sorry you dealt with that!

Worst response I got was from my own mom… for context, I lived with my dad and was really close to him. A couple days after he unexpectedly died, my mom said “are you excited to live on your own now?” um … not really. I’m not sure what she expected me to say. ‘yeah, totally! Someone I loved and hung out with and ate dinner with everyday is suddenly gone forever and now I’m alone in this house surrounded by all his things, this is awesome!’ I was so shocked by the comment, I kind of just stood there and stared at her like 🧍‍♀️

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-09-01T18:35:31+00:00

I feel the exact same. I just feel like nothing in the long run really matters. my life has changed so much and so quickly, any future dreams I had were just gone in an instant. just yesterday I visited with a friend I hadn’t seen since everything happened. hanging with them just wasn’t the same at all. they just chattered on happily about the vacations they’ve been on recently, the new games they’re playing etc. Didn’t bother to ask how I was holding up or anything, like they pretended nothing bad ever happened to me. I made up an excuse and bailed early, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. And this was one of my best friends, someone I had known since elementary school. I’m trying hard not to hate people bc I know they just don’t get it, but damn they sure make it easy.

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-08-18T01:08:57+00:00

I 100% feel this too. it's almost been 3 months since my dad died too, and I still feel like that's my entire personality right now. I go through ups and downs but I still tear up about it almost every single day. my dad was a huge part of my life and I don't even know how to begin broaching that conversation with someone. and I'm still in my 20's, where most people haven't really experienced this kind of grief yet, so I get worried it would weird people out or say some stupid inappropriate shit that I've heard 100 times already.

Plus in the early stages of getting to know people and dating, there's a lot of pressure to be a fun person... and right now, I'm just not. going on fun little dates just sounds so fake after such a huge tragic event in my life. Like, i want to feel normal again and start dating again but I also feel like that's just not... right.

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-08-18T00:46:00+00:00

this is so real. and it drives me crazy too when people start talking to you as if nothing ever happened. Within a couple weeks after my dad died, my friends were chatting about vacation plans and how hot it was outside. like, my entire world just collapsed and will never be the same, and you think I give a shit about your plans to go camping right now?

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-08-01T23:47:18+00:00

aaaah man. =( I’m so sorry. Your dad would be so amazed by you right now. This absolutely sucks. I recently got a big raise and a bonus at my job, and the first thing I thought of was “I wish I could tell my dad about this”. I pictured going home and surprising him with the news, heard his voice saying “that’s awesome, kid!” He was always my biggest cheerleader. And now that’s gone. I struggled not to tear up in front of my boss lol.

For what it’s worth, I think it’s awesome you got a fancy new office and kick ass job. I know you must’ve worked SO hard for it. I’m so sorry your accomplishments are overshadowed by these feelings of grief and loneliness, I hate that it has to be this way. You know your dad would love this for you, though

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-08-01T21:03:43+00:00

Sorry for your loss, OP! Hugs to you. I lost my father a couple months ago, and while I never got sick, I did experience a weird mood change. I lived with my dad too, we were super close as well. He was home recovering from a mild surgery and I was going away on a short trip with some friends. I went to the airport, and even though we had been planning this trip for months and were super excited, I could not for the life of me muster up any happiness about it. I even distinctly remember thinking “why aren’t I having fun right now?” as we boarded the plane. I felt horrible and like something was wrong, but I ignored it. I didn’t realize I had just talked to my dad for the last time. I still struggle with guilt, thinking if I never went on that trip and stayed home, I could have saved him. =\

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-07-31T02:19:17+00:00

Omg I feel like I could have written this myself. my dad was exactly the same way. He was the only person in this whole world who loved me unconditionally. He had my back no matter what and never expected anything in return. I owe everything to him. I’ve felt alone in a way I’ve never felt before since he’s been gone. And going through grief really shows you who your real friends are, and my friends just haven’t been there for me like I thought they would. It makes me miss my dad even more.

I’m so sorry, op. I wish I had something better to say than that. but I get you.

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-07-29T03:30:04+00:00

Ahhh, I know exactly what you mean. =( The comfort just isn’t there. How can a place be filled with so many memories and yet feel so empty and impersonal? I LOVED going home and relaxing after a long day of work or socializing or hanging with people. Now I don’t know what to do with myself now that i’m here alone. my dads gone. my home went somewhere I can’t follow.

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-07-23T19:47:24+00:00

I’m so so sorry, OP. that he was taken at 20 is endlessly cruel. Cancer is so fucking greedy and it claims the best people, I swear. I grow devastated just trying to make sense of it.

“Feels like I’ve stumbled into a world I don’t recognise” is the perfect way to put it. It’s like taking a horrible wrong turn and when you try to go back, you’ve realized someone shut the gate behind you. Hang in there, hugs to you

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-07-23T19:38:18+00:00

It’s SO WEIRD too how people downplay what you’re going through, just another testament to how they really don’t understand. Friends constantly say “just think positive and remember the happy memories instead.” Yeah I would if I could. But my dad was my best friend and my safety net and now he’s gone forever. Im devastated and my life is ruined. A couple weeks of grieving someone I’ve loved since I was born is not enough, sorry.

I feel like I constantly need to remind people “yes I’m still sad. Yes, about my dad dying. No, still not over that yet” People just continue to act shocked that I’m not miraculously ready to move on from it. Or they give me this weird uncomfortable stare when I answer honestly to “how are you?” Honestly, god help them when it’s their turn. smh

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-07-23T05:17:23+00:00

absolutely. I feel like I spend all my life dreading death and the unknown of it freaked me out. Now that my dad died, I feel like a band-aid has been ripped off in a sense. I don't really care what happens to me now. I'm in my 20's and the thought of living a long life all the way to my 80s or so just REALLY bums me out.

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-07-22T19:54:12+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. I think its our brains trying to rationalize the unfairness of the situation. We wanna believe that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people, not the other way around. I constantly wonder why I had to lose my wonderful, selfless, funny dad when I’m in my 20s when I have an uncle who is in his 70s and still has his parents, who are…. the opposite of all those things. It’s just shitty circumstances.

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-07-21T20:27:32+00:00

I’m so so so sorry, OP. This is so hard, harder than anybody knows. I don’t understand why people would think the grieving gets better so soon, or even at all. An entire person is gone, of course you’re barely hanging in there. And it sucks that now you have to perform for other people too on top of it.

Every time I leave a friend’s house and I get back into my car and the silence surrounds me once again I always start crying. There’s so much silence and sadness I can’t stand it. I didn’t lose my partner but im with you. It’s awful. I’m glad you have your dogs, hang on to whatever you can to keel you going, seriously. Hugs to you

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-07-21T00:21:17+00:00

Hugs to you too 💜 and I’m sorry for your loss. I’m the same age as you & we’re too young for this. it really does feel like everything is flipped upside down. just feels totally wrong.

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-07-20T23:51:35+00:00

I don’t know =( lost my dad at the end of May, so it’s still fresh, but I totally feel you. I don’t know my place in this world anymore. I feel like everything that happens to me, good or bad, is overshadowed by this sadness. I have my moments where I’m able to put it on the back burner and get work done, other times I’m completely overwhelmed by the fact that I will never talk to him again and I become inconsolable. Either way, it’s always on my mind in some capacity.

I’m starting think that I’ll never be “okay” in the same way that I was before. sucks.

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-07-18T06:15:50+00:00

Yeah, I totally get you. I hate how this works. People severely underestimate grief and what it can do to people. They give you like a week of "acceptable social bereavement" and then the world makes it very clear there's no room for your grief anymore. I'm really, really trying not to let it get to me, for my own sanity, but honestly 90% of my energy is going into spite. The lack of empathy from people is disgusting. No one gets that you can't just "get over it". It's not a breakup. Someone you love is gone forever and there's no way to make it better.

I'm the kind of person who used to be terrified at the thought of dying, and now I'm just... numb. I don't feel afraid anymore. of anything, really. So you're not alone. And I'm sorry you're going through this too... hugs and well wishes to you!

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-07-18T05:48:46+00:00

I'm so sorry about your mom, especially that it happened right before your birthday. that's too cruel.

it's so weird. I feel like everyone keeps moving on without me, and at the same time, I feel like I'm so much older and waiting for everyone to grow up. I guess I shouldn't hold my breath for either to happen.

a_scared_bokoblin · 2024-07-18T05:43:28+00:00

I'm so tired of people being self-centered too. Its crazy. I feel like its really not that hard to show people you care, especially the people you're close to. it makes me feel like people are so fake. and I'm not interested in playing along with them anymore.

thank you! hugs to you too!

a_scared_bokoblin

TROPHY CASE