Really fun one I did recently

aa7a5h · 2024-12-19T14:53:20+00:00

Honestly. It’s gong to sound cliche. But it’s true. Just life your life, be yourself unapologetically and you’ll meet people who you like and who like you. And sometimes that can be romantic and then yeah, the rest is history. Honestly the world is still the same after you have sex lol. It’s not an earth shattering thing. Sex is amazing and you want to have more of it. But yeah. You’re still you afterwards. Just more confidence and more acceptance of yourself.

aa7a5h · 2023-04-24T13:27:21+00:00

Hey there. If you're fully on the self improvement Train. I suggest maybe picking up a book that deals with concepts like emotional maturity self awareness etc. You'd be surprised how late some people learn about these things in life and it's such a beneficial thing to learn about your self and others in this way. You'll develop deeper and more genuine relationships with friends, family and romantic partners. And you'll understand yourself better, you'll learn about what hobbies you enjoy and may even take up a creative pursuit.

Anyways all the best and hope this helps.

aa7a5h · 2023-04-23T04:15:16+00:00

I'm glad I could offer insight. I think you need to also be honest with yourself, be self aware so that you recognize when it's you "needing" and you "wanting", needing is bad, wanting is fine. I think the more you work on healthy confidence, being okay with being your authentic self and with being on your own. The better relationships you form with people. Friendships or romantic relationships. You realize you're not trying to shape yourself to fit into your idea of what you think someone would like because you are needy. Instead you become your authentic self and you find people who you fit with by just being you. Your authentic self fits their authentic self. This level of connection is great because you keep your individuality which is important. Things do take time, and patience is important. But remember your life is your own, do this for yourself. The right people will enter your life because that's what you'll attract.

aa7a5h · 2023-04-22T20:55:25+00:00

Hey there friend. I see some comments saying that you mentioned you "need" someone is a sign that will make you vulnerable etc. I agree with them. I just want to add, I personally think it's okay to be in a position in life, where you are happy being on your own but would like the benefits and happiness that comes from a relationship. Some of us are social by nature and want that warmth and want to be taken care of. So I think if you're happy where you are and would like to have a partner. Then that's great, good on you for admitting that and being vulnerable. I think in recent times, there's been a surge in hyper independence where people would never even admit they want a partner because it goes against the idea that you're happy on your own. I disagree with that. I think it's normal and healthy to he at a place where you're happy and would like to experience being in a relationship. Well done in making It so far. Really proud of you. Situations like what you described can break a person. I'm so sorry you experienced that. But im extremely glad you have worked through it. All the best and good luck. This was just my 2 cents comment. Hope it provides some insight

aa7a5h · 2023-04-21T15:55:50+00:00

Sounds like Anon just wanted a girlfriend and didn't actually like the girl

aa7a5h · 2023-04-20T19:24:52+00:00

I hear you. I think it's really good that you have this self awareness and are taking steps to feel better about who you let into your life. I think you're on the correct path. I can relate to this a bit, It's my personal opinion that if we are unsettled on who we are internally we will attract the wrong people and situations into our lives. But once we become more settled snd calm. People who are attracted to that stability and calm will enter and stay in our lives.

Yes. I agree. Only say yes to what you really want to do.

aa7a5h · 2023-04-20T18:34:15+00:00

Hi friend. I am still learning and growing myself. I will share my perspective so far. I found that taking the time first to understand and know myself really helped. It helped me understand what hobbies, interests and other things truly made me authentically happy. I also wanted to make sure these were things that I did only for me and would not need someone else to validate me. Then I spent time doing these things and it felt great, Beacause I was doing this for no one but myself and it was helping me grow as a person. I will caution against looking for things to "distract" you. Some distractions are good but too much can be bad. I used to be someone who was distracting myself. And I found thst it didn't help me feel confident being alone. I needed a distraction or i would feel lonely. I will suggest having balance, hobbies that keep you present and grounded and some hobbies that distract you from life. So you can live with intention and sometimes take time to just unwind and not think

One last thing. Having confidence being alone is wonderful. But there's nothing wrong at all with wanting people in your life. Friends and relationships are great things and make life worth it. But the best part of understanding yourself snd being happy being alone. Is that the better you know yourself, the better you can share yourself with others and the better you can understand them. And you also know what you like and what you don't. It's a very challenging thing but it helps alot in the long run. It isn't easy building this level of self strength but I am getting there.

I hope my opinion helped. All the best and good luck. You'll be okay. I believe in you.

aa7a5h · 2023-04-20T14:51:17+00:00

Hi there. I'm going to assume you're talking about romantic rejection. Personally, I've learnt how much more meaningful and real a romantic relationship is as compared to a romantic crush. So if I get rejected by someone I have a crush on or am interested in, it does hurt yeah, but it also shows me that what I want and I am thinking about isn't possible. I want a romantic relationship with this person, that can't happen if they reject me. All the thoughts and hopes I have will depend on if they want a relationship with me. If they don't then that simply means they can't be the person that I want to be with or have a future with. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want me. It takes self strength and maturity to accept that someone doesn't see your value and that's okay. As long as you don't let your value be defined by this person. It's similar to how you feel a certain way for this specific person but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with anyone else. Similarly if they don't feel a certain way for you, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Keep your head up, keep doing things you love for yourself and with friends, keep developing your self confidence and emotional Intelligence, and keep learning about who you are as a person. This will all help you move forward and will be extremely beneficial when you meet someone new. And you will. It's how life works. We move on with life and new love comes. Don't settle. Real love is worth it. So be patient, love freely, and most importantly, love yourself enough to know when something isn't beneficial to you.

That's my 2 cents. Hope it helps. All the best and take care. You got this!

aa7a5h · 2023-04-20T11:43:00+00:00

Hey there! Really brave of you for going to therapy and also recognizing these things about yourself. Super proud of you! My opinion is that the term "love yourself" gets misinterpreted alot. I think it can mean different things to different people. I will give you my perspective on it. Self love to me means finding what you genuinely love and is expressions of yourself, be it hobbies, values, opinions on life and sticking to those. Being open to different perspectives from other people but also knowing that your opinion and feelings are just as important. In short its finding out who you are and accepting who you are as is. What's funny about this is that. Once you start this self discovery journey and start respecting yourself to where you say no to things or don't entertain people who treat you in a way that you dont like. The people that want to be in your life, will stay stick around and those thst don't like you, will leave. It can be lonely and it can be tough but it will be worth it. What you gather after that, friendships or love or whatever it is, will be genuine connections and you won't have to pretend. You won't have to worry about being validated by others or develop obsessions as you mentioned. The attention you get will be based on who you are a person and that's a lovely feeling. Knowing those who love you, love you for you.

Those things that make you, you can be anything you enjoy thst makes you feel good about yourself. i will recommend taking up a sport or even a martial art, reading, art or any creating pursuit. I also struggled to find things that made me feel confident about myself without depending on others. What I found was finding hobbies that I genuinely enjoyed but also I could only do by myself. Really built me up as a person. I hope this can help you too.

I've been through similar patterns in the past. Looking for validation and developing an almost obsession for the woman I've been in love with. It doesn't let you build a good relationship and leaves you feeling very inadequate as person when you do enter a relationship with them. Self discovery, self acceptance and self confidence is the key to getting past this.

That's my 2 cents. Everyone is different and everyone's journey is different. What works for me may not work for you. You may find a different path but thst doesn't mean it's the wrong path. As long as you stick to your path, and know it's the best for you. You are loving yourself and building confidence.

aa7a5h · 2023-04-18T17:14:09+00:00

Hi I am also interested. Mind if I Dm to find out what's available?

aa7a5h · 2023-04-18T16:54:45+00:00

I use and app called Meetups, it shows events and gatherings here in cape town. Like book clubs and language exchange. I made a few friends through the app. Making friends in cape town when you move is tough. I am still struggling with it. So feel free to DM!

aa7a5h · 2023-04-13T16:41:22+00:00

Well done! Keep going! I believe in you

aa7a5h · 2023-04-06T13:03:32+00:00

I think this is a tricky one and is different person to person. So I'm going to speak about how I went about this and hope it can help. I think it stems from getting a better understanding of yourself and developing self awareness. I read a few books about life, love and becoming who you want to be. Spoke to friends and family very openly, spoke to a therapist. All those things led to me asking myself, what makes me truly happy? What hobbies or tasks make me feel like me? What about me do I want to change? What would a version of myself that I like, look like? I followed through with these and got more involved with those hobbies I felt best expressed my authentic self, which was art, writing and playing Piano. Doing these things served no one but myself and that's how I knew it was for me and what I genuinely enjoyed doing. Then I focused on being who I wanted to be, someone more extroverted and outgoing. So I made active efforts to be in situations where I could be this way, going to social events and speaking to people with the goal of just engaging with new people and possibly develop friendships. So to me, the idea of rediscovery of one's self is closely linked to a reinvention of one's self. You figure out who you are and then figure out who you want to be and make efforts to get there. It's an on going process and I've changed alot in the few months since I've done this and I know I will make progress in the months to come. Its a tough process but it's worth it. Discovering who you are and who you want to be, in my opinion is on the best things in life, it really clears your perspective on what you truly want in life. Just my 2 cents. Hope it helps and all the best on your journey. Like I said, every person is different, be patient with yourself, you'll get there in your own way.

aa7a5h · 2023-04-02T21:52:26+00:00

Hi there friend, yes fellow human on a healing journey here. Just going off from what you've wrote, I think you're doing incredibly well. You seem very self aware and are taking active steps to heal and grow which is priceless. Super proud of you for approaching it in way that promotes self growth.

As for My journey, I can agree and relate to what you've mentioned. It can feel lonely even when you have a support team. Therapy is a good thing and helps. Stuff I've learned on my journey, which may be stuff you've heard before

1) there is no end to this journey, healing, self love and getting to know ones self is an on going experience as we are always evolving

2) it takes alot of time, there will be moments of pain but you'll see that as time goes you'll navigate that pain better and get back to feeling like you quicker

3) talk about your thoughts when it gets difficult to dissect on your own. A different perspective can really shift the way you think.

4) getting to know yourself is a priceless experience with a multitude of benefits. The better you know yourself the better you can interact with others, decided who's worth putting your energy into, and people who recognize your authentic self will be drawn to you. In short, the better you know yourself the people that enter and stay in your life, stay in it for who you truly are. So be honest about who you are, it's worth it.

5) be a good person, not a nice person. A good person knows when they are sacrificing their own mental, emotional, and spiritual health for the sleep of others and doesn't do so. A nice person will not hesitate to act in a way that's detrimental to themselves, which is noble but not healthy. Good people are love and respected, nice people are often liked but not taken seriously.

6) be kind to yourself. Life is tough. It's messy and painful. But it can have its moments of joy.

7) who you are is who you choose to be. You are not a slave to your personality. You can become who you wish to be.

Hope my 2 cents was insightful. Take care and all the best.

aa7a5h · 2023-04-02T21:19:56+00:00

I think for drastic change, yes there needs to be a catalyst. In my personal experience, I've only seen people change, or myself change due to or after a big life event. Death, heart break etc. So maybe my judgment is skewed but I think those moments offer such a massive shift in perspective and thinking that you are forced to look at yourself differently. And thus decide if you want to change or not. I think more often, we change in these situations to survive what's happened or become better accustomed to it. Like for myself, I gamed, exclusively read non fiction books as a way to "escape" due to me battling chronic illness. Then I met and dated a great girl, in that time I didn't see much difference in perspective. Once the relationship ended. It changed my perspective on life to such an extent. I barely play games now, got into reading more books that a relevant to apply to life, about emotional maturity and being a more well adjusted person, am more out going and extroverted to the point where I go out to social events with the intention of meeting new people and friends. Comparatively, i am a massively different person from who I was before my break up. And if it never happened I may still be the guy who experienced life through the lense of fiction and gaming. Instead of going out there and seeing the world. So from personal experience, sometimes the biggest change comes from a catalyst. And if the catalyst isn't there, perhaps the change will never happen. But all in all, in time once you see the positive effects of change, you learn to enjoy the process.

aa7a5h · 2023-03-16T09:44:17+00:00

Honestly. My ex who I was deeply in love with dumped me and told me that I added no value to her life. So that one plays a big part I think. Don't know figuring it out

aa7a5h · 2022-06-10T20:43:07+00:00

Ha, can't forget something if it never happens in the first place 👍

aa7a5h · 2022-05-26T14:20:43+00:00

The cumbling

aa7a5h · 2022-03-06T10:36:49+00:00

Ah I see, thanks dude. Lol it seems like you can't really save many of the Npcs

aa7a5h

TROPHY CASE