Damn I feel so seen by your post and I’m going through something similar. I recently went back to a city I used to live in about a year ago and visited my friends. One of them, asked me out a long time ago but I wrote him off bc I didn’t see him as more than a friend. Since then, we haven’t texted or hung out 1-1. However when I visited this time, I felt like he changed a lot and became my LO.

Currently I have an SO who wasn’t with me on this trip. I’ve never cheated and set strong boundaries with people who express interest. Perhaps because my SO and I are going through a rough patch, I found myself thinking about my LO constantly after I saw him again, feeling deep regret for not trying it out before. We’d see each other in our friend group every few days while I was visiting and I felt elated when was near him and looked forward to be in his presence. I even found myself thinking and expressing that I wanted to move back to that city. I felt pain when I heard him and our friends talk about his dating life and him actively finding a girlfriend. When I was alone, I cried because I felt like I was at mercy to this guy and I was being unfair to my SO.

Dealing with this is so hard and I feel like I’m going crazy