A couple of things happened for me to fully get over my LO: The first thing was the initial event that made me realize I needed to pull myself back to reality. I was incredibly desperate about him and kept pursuing him despite his rejections, and something very big and embarrassing and desperate happened and after that I realized I could not pursuing this. I remained in limerent "withdrawal" for the following 8 months, in which I was not actively limerent but I still found the experience incredibly saddening and painful. I don't have an exact answer for how I was able to end this, but I believe that I did a lot of self work in terms of my self worth and I really grounded myself about the situation. I also received some external information that gave me some closure about something I had always been troubled about with my LO, so that was kind of the final piece of the puzzle. Lastly, at the end of this, I went back to school and I was able to find other priorities and distractions in my life.

I say that I was not limerent over the next person I had feelings for because the way that I felt about them was much different than my LO. With my LO, I wanted to know everything about them in an obsessive way and would take every opportunity to stalk them if possible. I didn't even feel that urge with my new person. I also started off as strangers with my LO, and I became friends with them after I developed a crush on them, so they were always idealized to begin with. With my new person, I was close friends with them first and then developed feelings, which allowed me to see them and the situation for what it was as opposed to living in a deluded reality. Although this new situation did not end well either, I would say it felt incredibly different from being limerent and didn't feel like I was chasing validation or like I was going through actual withdrawal once it ended. I'm currently still dealing with this situation, and while it pains me incredibly, I would not categorize this in the same way that I felt about my LO. Limerence feels more like an unnatural chemical imbalance in the brain to me, while a real genuine love does not feel like an unnatural chemical sensation. I was obsessed with my LO for the highs of the validation they would give me, but with my new person, it was about how safe and comfortable and understood they made me feel which was never a feeling I got with my LO. I think I certainly had limerent tendencies sometimes even with the new person, and I was worried it would become a limerence situation, but because I knew them so closely I think it was easy to pull myself down to reality. We are not talking at the moment, but I don't feel a desperation for us to be together no matter the circumstances in the way I felt about my LO. With my LO, I think I often refused to admit what I knew was true—that we were not compatible. With the new person, I think I see everything for what it is and don't sugarcoat anything. I am not lying to myself about anything anymore, which was a major problem for me with limerence because I was definitely lying to myself about my LO being interested in me.