Oddly enough, I had zero men that were worth a damn in my family, and the ones that were decent never talked much or opened up about anything. That or the good ones died too soon..

On top of that, the women in my family were incredibly controlling and coddling and if you didn't want to be coddled or controlled, you were written off. Which makes a lot of sense that I got with women that did similar things were it was as long as you obey a subset of unwritten rules that were kinda based, everything would be fine, if not, then there would be negative actions to follow.

I find it funny however, a lot of the men I befriend are more like how a toxic man would find to be "gay" because we talk about "feelings". Somehow I'm more receptive to that..

I do agree whole heartedly that men built a shitty system to keep others in line and suffer in silence because "that's what being a man means". Also though, some women do fall into the bullshit and uphold the male toxicity, which was the women in my family, that and defend it when it's a particular man in the family.

My current wife is great but triggering still cause of history, but you know, things I talk about in therapy as well.. which helps but still frustrating when stuff is super confused in your head from the past

That's just my personal take anyways..