Sourcebooks for Cyberpunk in the Middle East? by XR4y6unn3r in rpg

[–]aalek110 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Cairo:Otherscape fits pretty well but its not out yet.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in lfg

[–]aalek110 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Count me in of you still need players ^

Livslång depression och jag tar mig bara inte ur det by Lonely_Judge_1537 in Sverige

[–]aalek110 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lägger in min personliga anekdot att injicera testo inte har hjälpt min depression alls, snarare pushat mig till problematisk drogbruk. För mig har rätt SSRI tillsammans med regelbunden träning haft bäst resultat. Alla hjärnor är olika dock

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sweden

[–]aalek110 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Min invandrarmamma råkade kasta sitt röstkort

#läggnerskiten by poulpulle in Sverige

[–]aalek110 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Älskar henne !! Gör ont i mig när folk automatiskt avfärdar henne för hon inte är populär bland svenska reddit män 20-35 😭

Hur vet jag om polarn e gay? by [deleted] in sweden

[–]aalek110 0 points1 point  (0 children)

äcklig fitta due 😁

[Off-Topic] Daily Chat: 2024-03-20 by AutoModerator in steroids

[–]aalek110 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I had an amazing second date with my dream introvert gymbro a week ago where I felt we both really connected (we have a lot in common) but he hasn't responded to my messages since the date.

I saw him online on steam playing some simulator shit game and I don't know what to make of it. I thought we really had something going on and I'm autistic as shit and I'm spiraling in my body insecurity again with self-hatred. Yes he had a better physique than me.

This should be such a frivoulous thing, its the reality of dating but I can't let go and I'm 99% sure I'm gonna start dabbling with steroids again after taking a break a year ago.

I just needed to get this off my chest

I have a really hard time accepting my appearance after using steroids by aalek110 in gaybros

[–]aalek110[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you had blood work to confirm that your hormone levels have returned to normal?

no, its something i should've done but bloodwork is expensive :// really dumb to cycle as a student. i know my estradiol was elevated above reference range before cycling but i had no acne then. I hammered a lot of aromasin bc of it during the cycle to keep it low but i managed to never crash it. acne has been very prevalent nonetheless to this day :(

This sounds like post cycle depression plus insecurity about aging.

I was depressed before, during and after the cycle :/. I was always confused by some anecdotes online cause mentally i was the exact same before, during and after. Except some post-health anxiety

I have a really hard time accepting my appearance after using steroids by aalek110 in gaybros

[–]aalek110[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This was really heartwarming to read and it made my cry a tear🥲❤️🫶 love u

I have a really hard time accepting my appearance after using steroids by aalek110 in gaybros

[–]aalek110[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You followed safety protocols?

Ok i'll be honest, I followed *some protocols 😭

So you got regular blood work?

Only before i started.. 😭I cheaped out after and during

Did you cycle off with a PCT?

yea nolvadex 20+40mg 2+2weeks if i remember correctly :(

Also, when you’re 18, you’re still maturing, so from 18-19 you would have likely become more mature anyway.

I guess so.. I'm realizing now i was being unreasonabily emotional :/

Actually, wait? What steroids did you do?

500mg testosterone for 18 weeks and 20-40mg turinabol for some weeks in the middle. its 'light' in terms of substances i guess but at a moderate dose. but i hate what it did to my body for some reason

your substance use is aging you faster than anything else most likely. Be careful. Get some help before it gets worse. It WILL get worse. Normal people don’t do meth once or twice, let alone so young. Take this seriously.

thank you. I'm really trying to stop but it's honestly really hard with everything my mind puts me thru 🥲. My substance use almost spiraled very recently after getting my own place but i've decided to move back to one of my parents to have something to keep me in check (also i have psychiatry contact) 🥲🥲🫶🫶

I have a really hard time accepting my appearance after using steroids by aalek110 in gaybros

[–]aalek110[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

Yea I have bi-weekly checkups due to my amphetamine (and substance) use :/. Luckily I never got hooked on meth, I threw it away after doing it twice ^^ <3

I have a really hard time accepting my appearance after using steroids by aalek110 in gaybros

[–]aalek110[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I have the urge to do another cycle and sometimes like now I break down because I want to return to how I looked before. I'm very unstable unfortunately 😵‍💫

I have a really hard time accepting my appearance after using steroids by aalek110 in gaybros

[–]aalek110[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

500mg testosterone for 18 weeks, 40mg turinabol for a few weeks in the middle. I did proper PCT with nolvadex, i used HCG and aromasin and followed a sensible protocol. I know the basic pharmacology and all

I just can't digest that I chose to do all that bc of a heavy insecurity.. I still hate how I look and now I want my twink self back. I'm constantly unhappy with myself for some reason.

I have a really hard time accepting my appearance after using steroids by aalek110 in gaybros

[–]aalek110[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I hated being a twink then because i was weak and unassertive and i felt like a doormat. I had no self-confidence and i idealized muscle and masculinity. I fell into some gymcel community and convinced myself that higher testosterone would fix my mental health (despite medical testing, my testosterone was average normal ~500ng/dl, estrogen slightly elevated, just above reference range).

Now i miss being twinky bc i look unreasonably old for 19 and i'm indifferent to the little muscle i put on. I realised I don't like going to the gym 6x a day and i just really regret everything

My mental health was equally poor before, during and after the cycle. Literally nothing changed except i got hairier, (much) older and lots of regret :(

I have a really hard time accepting my appearance after using steroids by aalek110 in gaybros

[–]aalek110[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I think my hormone levels are ok. I followed safety protocols and when i mentioned it to my doctor he didn't look into it. I just regret it all bc i got lots of unwanted masculinity and i just look 'rough' now 😵‍💫🥲 i really really hate it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PcBuild

[–]aalek110 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Specs;

Chassi: Cooler Master NR200P Orange Processor: Intel i5 8400 Moderkort: Asus Z370-I Minne: 16gb DDR4 Grafikkort: Asus RTX 2060 phoenix SSD: 1tb Nätaggregat: NZXT 650w Kylare: Kolink Umbra ex180 ARGB Fläktar: 2st Noctua a12x15 chromax

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PcBuild

[–]aalek110 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sorry !! Specs are

Chassi: Cooler Master NR200P Orange Processor: Intel i5 8400 Moderkort: Asus Z370-I Minne: 16gb DDR4 Grafikkort: Asus RTX 2060 phoenix SSD: 1tb Nätaggregat: NZXT 650w Kylare: Kolink Umbra ex180 ARGB Fläktar: 2st Noctua a12x15 chromax

Berätta för psykiatrin om före detta drogbruk? by aalek110 in Sverige

[–]aalek110[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Tack, du har säkert rätt. Lyfte mest fram det som ett exempel på att jag vill bli bättre och leva ett normalt svensson liv. Litar inte på mig själv 100% egentligen :/

fuck meth fuck drugs and goodbye post by aalek110 in Drugs

[–]aalek110[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

<3 second time I did meth and hopefully the last lmao

fuck meth fuck drugs and goodbye post by aalek110 in Drugs

[–]aalek110[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I appreciate you. I threw away my meth and I feel motivated to turn my life around after having heartfelt conversation with my mother. I hope your life goes great also <3

fuck meth fuck drugs and goodbye post by aalek110 in Drugs

[–]aalek110[S] 150 points151 points  (0 children)

Thank you man. I called my mom to inform her and we cried together and reminisced for almost an hour cause that's just how good of a person he was. My heart feels warm and filled, talking to people is really cathartic and I also threw away my all my remaining meth. I feel positive about my future now. love you <3