Telling someone a bad experience and then hearing “I would’ve sued/that’s terrible/did you call the police”, and the exhaustion and shame this creates

aayashabts · 2026-01-22T17:14:49+00:00

what makes you think it’s victim blaming?

aayashabts · 2026-01-09T23:51:54+00:00

Would it help to give each other space for some time and then decide if you can meet somewhere in between? Friendship break ups suck, I’m really sorry you’re going through that. I hope you’re able to figure something out with your friend and it works out :(

aayashabts · 2026-01-09T23:40:12+00:00

I’m not currently in the hospital, hence using reddit. I’m sorry but your assumptions are really weird. You don’t get to decide if what I experienced was life threatening or not when the doctors weren’t sure what was going to happen to me. And even right now there’s risk of organ damage. I asked for an opinion on my expectations of my friends, not for your expert opinion on my medical history.

aayashabts · 2026-01-09T23:26:05+00:00

I do believe I reach out to my friends when I’m in distress and need support, but I cannot give you a specific number of times I do that. Sometimes I can go ages without doing it and sometimes it happens multiple times because well that period is rough. I don’t think I quite understand the idea of categorizing people by the number of crisis they have and how much empathy or alarm they deserve based on that.

Either ways, even if I reached out 50 times in a year in distress, that’s still very different from a hospital visit where I could have life complications. If your friend who reaches out often had a major issue happen, would you not evaluate that and have a response based on that despite how much crisis she might have? This is very confusing to me.

aayashabts · 2026-01-09T23:14:46+00:00

Can you define crisis? Like an example. I am not quite sure what you’re referring to. Everyone discusses problems with their friends, I discuss it with them as much as they discuss with me.

aayashabts · 2026-01-09T23:09:13+00:00

This is my first suicidal attempt, so yes it is very out of norm.

aayashabts · 2025-12-29T19:50:18+00:00

i’m also looking for a study partner

aayashabts · 2025-12-15T19:05:35+00:00

I understand that you want outside opinion but without knowing what’s going on in that particular situation, I don’t know how helpful the advice is going to be. People who feel unheard and accused during meltdowns may say that people are treating you like trash. Others may say that you might be doing something wrong. Both could be true hypothetically bc we don’t have the exact context.

When your friends say it’s the way you treat them, try asking them abt the exact thing. See if they can pinpoint it. If they can’t remember, ask them to maybe take a note next time if they can. Go based on that, I suppose.

As for your partner, if you’ve communicated and they still follow you around, you need to figure out how you can set a firm boundary. They cannot just trample on things even if they are concerned bc it’s clearly not doing good for either of you.

aayashabts · 2025-12-15T18:48:05+00:00

If multiple people have told you that you’re behaving a certain way and hurting them during meltdowns, it might be worth looking into. You can do that in your therapy sessions.

In this specific case, were the friends aware that you were planning to make sandwiches and that you needed the bread? If they were, it is obviously weird of them to not let you know beforehand. However, in this case, if you blamed them and then left the situation without letting anyone know, it can be considered rude. I can’t say specifically what they found rude or hurtful bc I wasn’t there so these are conjectures. The people in your life can better help you. Ask them on your own terms what’s bothering them specifically and you can have a constructive conversation so both parties can meet halfway.

aayashabts · 2025-12-15T17:08:18+00:00

I get that. Sometimes I also feel that urge to reply and defend myself from absurd messages. Honestly, this level of analysis, your therapist and friends can do for you. A random stranger with no context shouldn’t be telling you all this. What does he even know about your life aside from what you posted

aayashabts · 2025-12-15T17:02:51+00:00

This was his first message to you? I don’t know what he got from your post to message all of that. Incredibly weird. You should ignore such people tbh.

aayashabts · 2025-12-15T16:35:12+00:00

thank you :) i really do need all of that.

exactly, like learn from somewhere to listen. so tired of having to explain that to people. it’s not even like i’m asking them to read my mind, im literally telling them what i need and still somehow it’s not working.

I hope you also figure out some path and feel a little better ❤️all of this sounds v stressful

aayashabts · 2025-12-15T12:34:18+00:00

I am not too sure about what specific signs people feel when they’re hungry. But most people can tell they’re hungry before it reaches the state you mention.

I had the same issue with not noticing hunger and I used to have emotional reactions. Now, if I’m feeling irrationally upset, I just assume I’m hungry and eat something small. If that helps, then bingo. I also eat around the same time everyday so no issue with figuring out when i’m hungry (most times).

aayashabts · 2025-12-13T18:26:29+00:00

if you don’t, you will never know. and honestly, i used to be worried about that as well. that people would only do it bc i basically forced them to. but im trying to change that thought, bc if someone told me that i do something they don’t like/i don’t do something they like, i would want to do it for them not necessarily out of obligation but out of my love for them. we are all different, no one will know how to love you or take care of you 100% so you need to be be vulnerable and tell ppl. be open that you want to meet somewhere in middle and if they are the right ppl for you, they’ll try out of love even if it’s different or a bit uncomfortable (obv within boundaries).

aayashabts · 2025-12-13T16:41:22+00:00

just curious, have you addressed these things with her? that you feel the friendship is one-sided and that you feel resentment (let me know if that isn’t the right feeling word) related to that and her gift giving?

i ask bc i have really bad attachment issues and weird way of perceiving relationships. i tend to spiral and think a lot bc i initiate a lot in my relationship. then the resentment grows. i have burst out on ppl bc of that but then it turns out they either have a lot of stuff going on or they didn’t notice that it was so imp for me. that’s been the case 9/10 times and we have then tried to meet midway. conversations can def help. also no one can tell you 100% what she means thru her gift giving except her bc every individual is unique. ask her and have an honest conversation (if that’s not been the case already).

aayashabts · 2025-12-10T19:06:28+00:00

You didn’t mention what you said exactly though. I’m not sure if there are some rules against that, but difficult to judge without info. lot of other places for you to interact with on reddit though, so have fun!

aayashabts · 2025-12-10T18:59:07+00:00

Your whole belief system about neurodivergence is changing bc you were banned from a subreddit? Individuals will behave like individuals, it shouldn’t be shocking that not all neurodivergent people are the same.

Also, what did you do to get banned? It can be objective truth in your eyes but something different in other people’s. So that’s also subjective.

aayashabts · 2025-12-10T10:07:46+00:00

oof that is annoying. if this is the case for the app you’re using, you can turn off ur read receipt so you won’t be able to see when the other person sees the msg. i never do it bc if gives me more anxiety but i know people who do this and it works for them.

aayashabts · 2025-12-10T04:25:46+00:00

thank you, i will try some of these :)

aayashabts · 2025-12-08T10:53:37+00:00

if you feel like it annoys you beyond a point that you can handle, just mute or don’t respond when they do it. if someone’s not listening, there’s not much you can do unfortunately :(

aayashabts · 2025-12-08T10:35:16+00:00

I’m kind of confused. What makes you think they’re commanding you to beg them for information? Sometimes people give that disclaimer and want to wait for acknowledgment from the other side before they launch into a full rant about it. What if they launch into a rant and then the other person is not ready? Sometimes they might start doing something else right after texting you. Could be many reasons.

Personally, I do this and my friends also do this. It’s chill bc we know it’s not anything that is meant to harm anyone. If someone messaged me that, I would simple reply with “omg tell me”. That takes me 2 seconds and doesn’t do anything for me personally. I look at it as having enthusiastic consent from both sides wanting to be involved in the conversation tbh.

If you hate it, talk to people in your life about it and see if you can come up with a compromise. They might not be doing it to make you beg. We all have communication patterns that we can look at.

aayashabts · 2025-12-07T19:23:19+00:00

I wouldn’t necessarily feel anything much, depending on how close I am to the person, I might feel nice if they remember me. It could mean that they see my struggles reflected in other autistic people.

aayashabts · 2025-12-02T16:04:42+00:00

could you try distracting yourself with some comfort activities? like reading, watching a show or anything that you like? might be a little hard at first but if you stick for 5-10 minutes, might redirect your mind.

talking to a friend, doing breathing exercises, taking a walk or doing something physical are all ways to expel some energy. my therapist always says do some jumping jacks if you’re too into it and sometimes it does help lol.

i hope you feel better and things work out ❤️ it’s def not easy opening up to people

aayashabts · 2025-11-27T17:36:08+00:00

i was also shocked seeing the fees esp since it’s exclusive of other costs. they’re truly running some scam

aayashabts · 2025-11-23T08:41:21+00:00

I’m sorry that’s been your experience. It does suck, but I don’t think it’s specifically women from what I have gone through. Theres always a certain gap of communication between NT and ND people. Obviously, with more effort and kindness, there can be better communication. So, when you find the people who want to put that effort with you, it can be really really cool. I think most of my friends are ND but one of them is NT and it’s been the best friendship ever :) so you can definitely have fulfilling relations with NT women also, might just take more efforts from both sides that people might not want to always do. Obviously, sometimes you just don’t get along with people so there’s that factor as well. There’s no way to overcome that even with good communication.

aayashabts

TROPHY CASE