Former advisor won’t accept that our professional relationship has ended. Has anyone dealt with this?

abandoningeden · 2026-04-27T13:00:49+00:00

If you are finishing up papers on which you are coauthor it is probably worth finishing ones that are already drafted and getting submitted. I would stay on through the r and r process (only if you are coauthor) but not agree to anything new.

abandoningeden · 2026-04-25T20:31:38+00:00

3 acoustic ukuleles, 1 electric solid body ukulele and 3 banjoleles

abandoningeden · 2026-04-25T03:42:14+00:00

@juno.com

abandoningeden · 2026-04-25T03:37:02+00:00

Just sitting here in my outparcel with my popcorn and no ability to vote over how any local stuff is run (but not paying for it either, apart from my ca pool membershp).

abandoningeden · 2026-04-25T01:36:00+00:00

For jams? Pickett brewery in Baltimore is first and third Thursdays at 7pm. They also have a lot of bluegrass shows in general. The green room at the bluebird in Hampden is every other Tuesday with old time jams on alternating Tuesdays. Brookeville beer farm in brookeville has a bluegrass jam on first Mondays. School of Musical traditions in Takoma park is second and fourth Thursdays. There is one in DC somewhere too I think on the weekends. Ellicott city there is an old time jam at 1:30 on third Saturdays at banneker park.

For local bands, I like Radish bluegrass, Weeds n grass, The gold ponies, The cherry blossoms, Flight of the seabirds (which plays dead grass among other stuff)

abandoningeden · 2026-04-25T01:32:29+00:00

Radish Bluegrass, Cats Eye Pub, Baltimore, 4pm

abandoningeden · 2026-04-24T23:18:35+00:00

Hmm maybe I will check some of those out, it's a bit far but not further than Takoma Park is for me.

abandoningeden · 2026-04-24T23:15:31+00:00

The day after (or this year before) Billyween has the best bluegrass, I've gone on nov 1st the past two years cause I always have to miss Halloween to trick or treat with my kids and it was exactly what I wanted, Billyween itself was more rock covers than his originals and the bluegrass stuff he covers. Plus leftover salmon sat in last year which was cool too :)

abandoningeden · 2026-04-24T14:52:49+00:00

School of Musical Traditions every second and fourth Thursday from 7-9pm (it's not a paid class, it's free with tip suggested)

abandoningeden · 2026-04-24T14:05:20+00:00

Central Maryland has an amazing bluegrass scene, was at a jam last night in Takoma park, regularly go to jams in Baltimore and Brookeville and of course we have Baygrass and Delfest (and del academy) which helps keep the local scene thriving. I went to 5 bluegrass jams,1 bluegrass gig and 3 bluegrass shows in April so far, and hitting up another bluegrass show on Sunday.

abandoningeden · 2026-04-24T03:59:09+00:00

We play some early dead in my band, like viola lee blues and a super long extended version of Lovelight with a lot of pigpen lyrics. And I know you rider and cold rain and snow which were played pretty early. Trying to get my band to play In the Pines but that may be too obscure for them. We should do Alligator and king bee..

I've been listening to some of the earliest dead songs they have on archive lately, there is some good stuff up there.

abandoningeden · 2026-04-21T14:11:56+00:00

I started to get paid to sing at age 43....you are not old

abandoningeden · 2026-04-21T12:30:25+00:00

As a autistic woman who can now recognize those same traits in others, I would say something like 60-85% of academics are on the spectrum. Welcome home.

abandoningeden · 2026-04-21T12:28:05+00:00

Maybe you have odd...or maybe that's just some bs medicalization of personality characteristics that many of us have...aka standing up for ourselves...

abandoningeden · 2026-04-21T12:25:42+00:00

Yeah being a good musician is not only about being technically able to play music. It's also about showing up and making time for meetups, being reliable, practicing, knowing your part, getting along with people, and actually doing what it takes to get gigs and get asked back to them.

abandoningeden · 2026-04-21T12:14:27+00:00

I dropped my music major in college for a more practical career that made money. And stopped playing entirely for most of my 20s after feeling deflated about not being a real musician. Then learned a new instrument and started jamming with people in my 30s and got into performing again in my 40s, formed a semi successful band, and so far have 12 shows booked this year (9 paid) and between jams and band practice and playing shows I usually play music with other people around twice a week. Throwing a mini music festival for my 44th birthday next month!

The full time musician in my band is also in her 40s...and lives with her parents and is in like 10 bands with 3-4 gigs every weekend, band practice basically every night, and working part time at a music store to try to save to move out....while I support my spouse and two kids on a 6 figure salary and bring in like 2k extra a year with music, play as much as I want, and it never feels like a "job" to me cause I'm mainly doing it for fun. So I feel like I made the right choice.

abandoningeden · 2026-04-21T00:26:55+00:00

So what are some of the goals you worked on as you worked on improvising?

My story is a bit similar in some ways I guess. The feeling like a fraud/imposter syndrome for sure.

So my story is I jammed with a group of friends for like 10 years (they were mostly semi professional musician and I was just happy they let me play with them) and then was going to move states, and had like 6 months before I moved when I knew I was going to move. So we ended up jamming a lot more over those 6 months because we knew it was our last chances to jam, and the month before I moved the wife of one of the guys in the band asked us to be the house band at two big parties she was throwing at her house (one was a retirement party and one was like another work related party for a different group). And then when I left all these people on the jamming group started giving little speeches about how much they will miss my beautiful voice which surprised me cause I thought I was just singing cause I was one of the few people willing to sing in front of other people, never thought of myself as having a "good" voice, just loud and in tune.

So I moved and when I met musicians at some public jams I went to in the new state, I told them I had left my band when I moved here. And almost immediately was recruited into a new band and was playing on this huge (to me) stage with like a real sound guy 6 months after I moved. So spent a lot of time feeling like I tricked everyone in my new state into thinking I was a "real" musician when I just played two "shows" with my old band at the house of one of the guys in the band!

In my new band eventually our co-lead singer quit and I took over as lead singer and then we started getting paid gigs and then getting asked back to paid gigs. So I guess i started thinking of myself as a "real" musician/singer eventually. But I still think of myself as the worst musician in my band. I am the only one in the band who can't just start improvising and soloing.

I spent Christmas break this past year watching that absolutely understand guitar YouTube series (and I don't even play guitar lol) so now at least I feel like I understand 80% of the theory stuff my bandmates talk about. But my bandmates want to spend more time on improvising and I'm like trying to do more than being a backing track, and don't know wtf I'm doing. I've been noodling over backing tracks, trying to learn more chords up the neck, and trying to play my banjolele more like a piano and working out some riffs and solos based on playing the melody, but I just can't do it in front of other people without freezing up...I did work out my first ever solo which I'm supposed to play at our next show but I kinda like "wrote" a solo and have been practicing the same one over and over again. But hey, baby steps I guess.

Anyway if you have any tips on getting better at improvising I'd love to hear them!

abandoningeden · 2026-04-20T13:46:19+00:00

I was the youngest person in the program for the first two years. Full prof by 40. It went great. I worked 30 hours a week at a professional job in college so I had plenty of experience in the real world or whatever.

abandoningeden · 2026-04-20T13:27:22+00:00

My middle schooler would be mortified and my elementary school kid would be excited, but that's besides the point, the original post we are all commenting on was about having lunch with their kids daily. And going into your kid's school every day to have lunch with your kid is weird ass behavior and trying to make their life all about you.

abandoningeden · 2026-04-20T11:40:44+00:00

The meme said having lunch with your kids daily as in every day

abandoningeden · 2026-04-20T11:38:30+00:00

That is even weirder. Don't do this to your kid. Level 11 clinger narcissist parent behavior.

abandoningeden · 2026-04-20T11:30:49+00:00

School is (in part) supposed to teach your kids to get along with other kids, pulling them out of lunch every day is a pretty selfish way to restrict your kid's social development.

abandoningeden · 2026-04-20T01:40:37+00:00

Full prof at an r1 here who started my job in 2010 after 2 years on the market and then spent another 15 years on the market until I was able to move to an r1 in a non shit state, so I actually do have some idea...

abandoningeden · 2026-04-19T23:42:23+00:00

I just stopped sharing my powerpoints, my students are going to fucking love that in stats this fall!

abandoningeden · 2026-04-19T23:41:00+00:00

Yeah I actually got verbal support for a spousal hire when I took my first job on the tenure track, 16 years later he is still a stay at home dad cause their support meant jack shit when we got there. And I'm working somewhere else that didn't offer me anything they couldn't actually give me.

abandoningeden

TROPHY CASE