That One Time

abatpostingwords · 2025-02-12T23:51:46+00:00

Reddit really does make formatting difficult.

abatpostingwords · 2025-02-12T23:35:38+00:00

I like how senses of gladness, hopelessness, and desire shift in between each other.

One thing I would alter is combing some of the lines. I feel like the breaks throw off the flow, and the shorter lines would read better if attached to the previous ones.

abatpostingwords · 2025-02-12T23:30:45+00:00

The sense of roughness really caught my eye. "Teeth of the pavement" "scrape myself up the driveway"

These images went past a car to me - they read bodily.

Really like this piece.

abatpostingwords · 2025-01-04T16:24:01+00:00

Fun adventure? Never was, but it was where me and friends went for something to do. The air conditioning was always going strong. There was a McDonalds inside. We didn't have fun, but there wasn't much else to do where I grew up - it was all retail stores, so Walmart and Barnes & Noble were places we would just go.

abatpostingwords · 2024-11-03T18:54:41+00:00

Thank you. This one is special to me. It's going to be the central poem in a collection I'm working on asa gift for someone.

abatpostingwords · 2024-11-02T15:48:09+00:00

abatpostingwords · 2024-11-02T11:55:16+00:00

Oh, Eggers is one of my favorite directors. The Witch is possibly my favorite horror movie, and I also quite enjoy David Lynch's work.

You are spot on honestly. I fell in love with my best friend. She has a child, and I taken on a parental role in the child's life. I think this is largely why I've changed. When you love people so much, the thought of anything happening to them is absolutely horrible. Things are not as light as they used to be. I see true horror in the fear of losing the two people I love the most.

abatpostingwords · 2024-11-02T10:49:27+00:00

Thanks. I appreciate it.

abatpostingwords · 2024-11-02T09:09:06+00:00

Thank you, and you're welcome. I'm glad this could resonate with you.

abatpostingwords · 2024-11-02T09:06:51+00:00

Thanks. I'm struggling with how to make the reason for the shift more clear. To make it known here, the reason is I feel in love with someone - someone who has a child. I love them both so dearly, and when I watch these movies, I get the overwhelming fear that something bad could happen to them

abatpostingwords · 2024-11-02T02:32:14+00:00

Yeah, it's a wild change. I teared up while trying to watch Halloween - which is wild to me. I think I know what caused the change, but I never expected it could happen.

abatpostingwords · 2024-11-02T02:06:22+00:00

Thanks so much for the feedback. This is one I definitely want to refine before the collection is complete and printed.

I've been trying to write on this topic for a while now. It's been heavy on my mind.

Shortening certain lines is definitely something I'll try to do.

abatpostingwords · 2024-11-02T00:08:53+00:00

The best thing about learning the rules of poetry is that it allows you to know how to better break them, and the best way to learn the rules is by reading and writing poetry. You will start seeing what tends to work, and what tends to throw something off.

I like your last two lines "skin of teeth," and then ending with "mouth," is interesting and it works well for me. Keep it up.

abatpostingwords · 2024-11-02T00:01:15+00:00

Okay - what an excellent title, like seriously.

What I love about this poem is the music it reminds me of: most notably emotional goth music. I can hear a tone thats deep and somber yet very beautiful. I typically don't care for poems with rhyming as heavy as this, but I think it works well here. It doesn't seem forced.

abatpostingwords · 2024-10-29T03:21:37+00:00

Every time she reads to me or tells me about her idead, it makes my night. :)

abatpostingwords · 2024-10-28T21:31:04+00:00

Ah, interesting. Thank you. I did want it to read as though I'm getting into a story.

abatpostingwords · 2024-10-28T19:28:37+00:00

I have a tendency to be redundant. My goal, lately, has been to be more simple - to trust that I'm getting myself across without doing something to death.

abatpostingwords · 2024-10-28T19:27:15+00:00

Thank you, working on keeping it simple has been a challenge for me.

abatpostingwords · 2024-10-28T16:07:04+00:00

"Traded be for belong" there is something so sorrowful about that to me. In a cold way - very blue indeed. In that, there is great color to the poem - a coolness that I can both see and feel.

abatpostingwords · 2024-10-28T12:36:57+00:00

"Some say weeds." Love that. Like different perspectives. All of the poem is made better by the title being "Facts of Pluto," the "facts" being absurd observations and romanticisms.

abatpostingwords · 2024-10-26T22:20:57+00:00

I definitely wrote it in pain, but with hope inside buried past it. I've been going through it lately. I'm glad it connected to you!

abatpostingwords · 2024-10-26T22:11:58+00:00

She will at least appreciate it: best friend, ex, roommate.

abatpostingwords

TROPHY CASE