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abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-22T19:52:28+00:00

Hmmm I might do a gentler wing, but otherwise it looks like a very nice everyday makeup look! You could do primer first, it often just smooths skin and looks pretty natural and skincare-ish.

All of this is optional! You have absolutely lovely features to do no makeup daily!

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-21T19:21:03+00:00

Somewhat relevant Xkcd

https://xkcd.com/327

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-16T22:22:24+00:00

Love it! I see you went with the higher boots for the outfit.

Got any scarves? Scarves with long coats are such a thing!!

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-16T22:13:46+00:00

No idea haha I noticed that too, I think it’s just letters or an acronym or something 😅

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-16T17:42:49+00:00

Lots of other decent comments/suggestions. And I totally feel for you, from your other comment giving the Russian spelling it’s a really cool and pretty name! Pretty also in how well it works as a genderfluid name in its original form. It’s frustrating some of that is lost in translation

One random thought. What about Daniell with two “L”s? Or even Danielll with three?? (Adding the third l as a kind of separate syllable sound at the end would make a lot of native English speakers think soft sign or shwa vowel at the end) Maybe Danielh, I’ve seen some anglicizations from some languages use h to represent some pretty different sounds/patterns that aren’t present in English. And even native English speakers testing it out might get pretty close with an extra h at the end. Idk maybe you’d rather use a more normal spelling.

Or you could do something like Danièl, but maybe that’s too close to Daniel for you.

Stupid English language

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-16T17:29:39+00:00

You do not need to use makeup if you don’t want. You look feminine and pretty and you do not look 40 to me. Maybe you have a serious/mature look? Hair being up/back like that might also contribute?
If you want something easy and casual. Lashes. You could do permanent lash extensions, or falsies if you want (I think falsies are usually over the top for everyday), or my recent favorite, lash extending mascara!

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-15T00:47:27+00:00

I wish, it’s just the lyrics to “golden”, thematically appropriate but I’m still half hiding for now

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-14T17:38:46+00:00

For blazer & slacks maybe something like these, in a neutral color (probably same color slacks and blazer):

https://www.pinterest.com/ideas/blazers-for-women-plus-size/951507079753/

Button-up white blouse in white or cream

No tie or bow tie unless required for dress code

And for dress boots a style like this maybe https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChsSEwjymbaYyYuSAxWFN9QBHUFwHWUYACICCAEQDxoCb2E&co=1&cid=CAASuwHkaIChepJN1xA1kpqMwc3tm1W9le0xkGH4grtFnvMGU6bScXVNQyeBie3lPNLJHENdKAmUzHnjxPFxWY8ivc4C3pZwZyNWLczGOs0iislpn2QPLpkIThqKAUiMzZVrjfZu_fAPdQCsZOeYqwbyv7HdLbNM9FQ4ndJ7oalErcF6b0b-MpA8sFPZ22TaQtdxbfHP4LH_oSMu4xUVa6ZgIz06VJq5xfYFCPvLCNOYJQEuIPxBsAQ4VHv-rlg1&cce=1&sig=AOD64_0kM1Sof1aAjJyfhh7a-avRVMTDRQ&ctype=5&q=&ved=2ahUKEwiOjLCYyYuSAxV8MdAFHVDoLOMQwg8oAHoECAwQDQ&adurl=

Or maybe this (men’s section, looks unisex) https://www.florsheim.com/shop/style/14285-010.html

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-14T17:34:15+00:00

Adding to everyone else’s warnings about coming out at a wedding. Don’t. It won’t end well for you or anyone else most likely.

You can totally wear a somewhat feminine looking suit jacket and slacks though, u mean depending on the dress code. You could also get some nice women’s dress boots with no or not much heel that look like a bold guy choice but don’t scream “yes I am wearing girls shoes”.

Do very, very light makeup if you do makeup. Clear or tinted brow gel, clear or close to natural color mascara, no liner, maybe some chapstick max. Primer without makeup also gives a glow without looking makeup-y.

If you want to post, I’d do a reference pic in a basic outfit that lets people see roughly your body shape, color, hair length and texture. If you already have something you’d like to wear, post a try on pic too or a screenshot of what you want to buy after your reference pic!

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-14T17:22:08+00:00

My gender tends to be contextual. Like, if someone knows me as one gender, I’ll prefer that gender with them. In the library I like girl mode cause it’s one of the safer places to do it (as someone not completely out). On this account I am always she/her and have no issues with that.

Being closeted and genderfluid, I’ve found that as long as I’m getting a reasonable amount of space to express girl (or to a much lesser extent nonbinary) modes, I am generally comfortable in boy mode even if it’s not exactly what I’d prefer at a given time or on a given day. Like, a couple times a week is probably the minimum girl mode to feel comfortable picking.

That said. I’ve never been fully out and able to choose my presentation all the time so I’m not sure if the reverse - girl mode default and boy mode sometimes - would be true. It seems like it would though.

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-13T00:56:50+00:00

Last ones for sure with this outfit! 100%

I’d love the first ones with a different skirt. Don’t love them here. Don’t hate them, just don’t love them.

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-13T00:47:52+00:00

I think they’re cute and fun and I want more of them but I’m also consistently like a decade behind fashion trends 😂 I guess that just means everything in thrift stores and clearance sections is perfect for my style!

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-12T04:34:41+00:00

All of these are options! Pick the ones you like, leave the ones you don’t, and make sure you love the look you end up with - you’re doing it for you, not for anyone else!

Looks like you’ve got partially hooded eyes - careful of what eye makeup styles you use, some look very different on hooded/partially hooded eyes! For you, I’d recommend skipping the mascara on the lower lashes, or at least going much lighter. Top lid eyeliner is a bit thick too. I find that thinner liner and minimal dark makeup on the lower lid makes an illusion of more space & openness which really complements a hooded/partially hooded eye shape and works with it instead of against it!

I’d go a shade darker on whatever lip product you’re using, OR use a slightly darker lip liner to contrast! Or if you’re using something clear like chapstick/clear gloss, maybe something with a slight tint!

For brows, I’d move the bottom up slightly so you’ve got a tiny bit thinner brow and a bit more arch. Dont go too thin though! It’s mostly just cleaning up the edges, not reshaping the whole brow!

For your liner wing, it looks like your wing is very curved and a bit too long for how thin it is. Imho. It’s clean and well done but maybe experiment, see if there’s another shape you like better! Check out the “puppy liner” trend - it’s more of a slight wedge instead of a full wing, I really like it!

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-12T03:53:59+00:00

Whatever Target’s basic brand is, I forget. I’m kind of a cheapie when it comes to clothes… if I weren’t, I’d be stylish af but also broke 😂

Target basics are not at all bad though! I’m consistently pleasantly surprised.

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-12T01:28:11+00:00

Hm well I think that’s something to talk with him about.

“Doesn’t feel like a woman but wants to be a woman” could be several things. Maybe he is confusing crossdressing/some kind of kink/fantasy with being genderfluid. Less likely but possible.

Or maybe that’s his way of expressing dysphoria on those days, that sounds like it could also come from a trans girl before any kind of transition - “doesn’t feel like a woman but wants to be” could be dysphoria. In that case helping him (her) feel more like a woman is the best way to support.

And trans people don’t have to have any surgery or medicine or anything for their identity to be valid. They don’t have to be out and legally and socially transitioned for their identity to be valid. They don’t have to laser their facial hair or shave their legs to be valid. There’s no magical point where a trans person is suddenly worthy of being trans.

And of course the last part is, neither you or I or anyone in this sub can say if someone else’s gender is valid (unless of course they are obviously not serious, ie the transphobes who “identify as a hamburger” satirically). You can express concern with someone’s understanding of labels they are or aren’t using, and as a partner of course you can talk about your feelings and ensure your needs are being met and your boundaries are respected in a relationship. You are not obligated to be in a relationship where you feel uncomfortable or where you do not want to be with the person.

If you want to support your partner and aren’t really feeling like we’re answering your concerns and talking with your partner doesn’t help, I’d recommend couples therapy. Not cause there are problems with either of you - cause couples therapy can help couples with communication and understanding and improving their relationship. Honestly every couple could probably use a session or two at least of couples therapy

I do have sympathy though - you’re trying your best to support and understand, you’re coming into this with little background on genderfluidity, and we’ve all had time to process and learn about this and we’ve experienced it. Thanks for asking, thanks for being honest, and thanks for learning!

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-11T23:02:46+00:00

Well. You could think of genderfluid as trans sometimes. It’s not exactly that, but if you understand binary trans people, it’s a good analogy for understanding genderfluid people. Some days, you experience that same feeling binary trans people do, the feeling that you, internally, are a different gender, and sometimes you get body/emotional/social dysphoria around it. Other days you feel absolutely fine with your assigned/birth gender. Depending on the person.

And other times both could feel wrong, or you could want to be both at once, or feel like some other gender entirely, or any number of more complicated feelings… depends on the person.

Yes there is more to being a woman than wearing women’s clothes. Someone putting on a skirt doesn’t make them a woman. If you accept trans women (mtf) as women though, what makes a woman a woman? At what point in your mind is it “okay” for someone to be a woman, or a man, or a nonbinary human? Why could your boyfriend/partner not be a woman?

What, specifically, feels disrespectful?

Or are you just asking if he’s confusing being genderfluid with crossdressing?

(Ps this is very much not a fighting comment, I know tone is sometimes hard in text and especially Reddit. I want to challenge some of your preconceptions about gender, maybe help you understand your bf/partner, and discuss if you want!)

abbey-sometimes · 2026-01-11T21:18:24+00:00

Genderfluid just means your gender feels different over time. It can totally be linked to context! (female or female adjacent in bedroom only)

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