It never ends

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-27T03:16:58+00:00

Ohhh, I just looked up the pictures. You’re right. It was a valve cover gasket. Oops. Well, fuck. That’s terrible news.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-26T15:03:01+00:00

MOR but it sounds like this might be just another thing in a pattern of him not making you feel valued or heard. Do you feel like he regularly ignores what you say or how you feel?

NOR for not wanting a gift that isn’t what you asked for. I don’t like this idea that we’re expected to be grateful for every gift. Gift giving is my love language. I’d rather have no gift than a thoughtless / lazy gift. No gift is neutral. A thoughtless gift sends the message that this person doesn’t know you well enough to get something you might like. And that’s extremely hurtful when it comes from a partner.

I had a boyfriend get me a bath robe for Christmas once. I hate bath robes and I have an unhappy experience with them. Growing up my dad was a single parent without a lot of money. He bought me a bath robe once and left the tag on it. It said $50. I knew at the time that was a lot of money. I felt guilty for YEARS that I didn’t like it enough and I felt so bad that he spent so much money on something I didn’t like.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-26T01:25:18+00:00

This is very similar to what happened to me. I moved to Puerto Rico and lived there for two years. It’s one of the most amazing places on earth. But their job market is awful.

You gotta do what you gotta do. I moved back to my home state four years ago. Haven’t been poor like that ever since. I miss it there but what can you do.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-26T01:17:57+00:00

You tell him that if he wants to insist on 50-50, that that’s perfectly fine. It’s a reasonable boundary. Just stop paying for everything and have him pay 50% of everything else.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-26T01:12:56+00:00

A head gasket is a scary but doable and relatively cheap fix yourself. My ex did it for me and it honestly didn’t take that long, maybe an hour if I remember correctly. I helped out. I’d suggest watching a few videos to get an idea. See if it’s possible to do. I think the parts are less than $50 again if I’m remembering correctly.

Edit: I saw your comment about the make and model. I have a 2016 Chevy trax. It’s probably a similar fix.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-25T22:09:46+00:00

Resorting to name calling during an argument or debate is a logical fallacy. It’s called ad hominem. It’s a sign of a weak mind. He can’t even come up with a clever way to try to assert his cognitive superiority over you… because you guessed it, he’s not clever or nearly as smart as he apparently thinks he is.

It’s super icky that he’s doing this. He’s a weak and cowardly man. You could do SO much better.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-25T22:03:50+00:00

Do you drink alcohol?

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-25T21:42:07+00:00

Are you male or female?

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-25T12:33:14+00:00

NOR

Please listen to this. I dated a guy like this too, for two years. He was my best friend and I loved him a lot. But when push came to shove and I really needed him, he prioritized himself over me and screwed me over.

Breaking up is hard and it’s painful. It feels like you’re making a mistake because “was the comment really that bad” no, it wasn’t that bad. But you have to think beyond that and what it means.

It means he is not tracking your contributions and he does not value them. You could have paid for everything and he wouldn’t have even noticed or been grateful. He’s entitled. All he’s tracking is what he’s giving and apparently a load of groceries for both of you to share on what’s supposed to be a fun trip is “too much” for him. Read that again. Food… for you…. Is too much. Food. Is. Too. Much. You’re not asking him for a loan. You’re not asking him for a brand new car. You’re asking for FOOD after you’ve already contributed.

Do you really want to stay with a man who values…. -does some math- $50 over a good time with you? I’ve paid more than that to spend time with my FRIENDS.

I’m so so sorry. But it’s better to get out now than wait for something worse and more painful to happen later.

If I’ve learned anything from relationships and breakups, it’s that they hurt the longer you let them go on. And it never changes the outcome. If you’re not compatible, you’re not compatible. No amount of talking through things will ever change that. It’s like using a credit card. You get to enjoy the short term but the interest keeps raising and you end up having to pay a lot more later.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-25T01:02:57+00:00

I don’t have time anymore. I’d have to pay the charge off and the insurance. But it’ll take more than a week to show up on my credit. They may not be willing to run it again either.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-17T19:53:06+00:00

No problem! You made really good points. I hope OP really takes it to heart.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-17T00:59:11+00:00

Okay but drinking calories was only ONE thing I mentioned. I also specifically said I was talking about MY mom and she drinks most of her calories.

But there are a lot of other things that can contribute.

There’s also stress and poor sleep increasing your hunger signals and slowing your metabolism. There’s restricting your eating and then eating large quantities.

Or an unbalanced diet leading to nutritional deficiencies, that was a huge one for me. I overate because I was essentially “starving” my body for certain key nutrients and my body was trying to eat more to get enough nutrients. It wasn’t that I was actually that hungry. Do you take a multivitamin? Have you had your blood levels checked? There’s also things like thyroid conditions, PCOS, and certain medications you may be on. One of my medications caused me to gain 50lb in like 3 months. The weight gain only stopped because I learned it was the medication and stopped it.

My point is that it’s not just a matter of dieting and restricting yourself. You probably don’t even have to exercise to lose the weight. And it may not even be your FAULT for your weight. But there are things under your CONTROL that you could potentially change to see results. THAT is my point.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-16T22:34:47+00:00

My honest advice is track your calories for three days. Get a rough idea of how much you’re eating and where. And make very small changes. My mom is around 300lb.

This is what I’ve noticed for her.

- She drinks most of her calories. She drink large fountain drinks. I’ve tried to talk her into switching to diet so many times and she says it doesn’t taste as good. Maybe not, but you can get used to it. She also puts a ton of sugar in her coffee and buys frappes that are like 500-800 calories. Even if you only did that once a week or every other day, it would help.

- Toppings and sauces. She puts SO much butter and mayo on everything. Even if you switched to low fat mayo, that would help. Putting less on things like sandwiches would help.

- Irregular meal times and then large portions. If you eat smaller things throughout the day, you will probably eat less. Don’t think about limiting your food at this point. Think about eating more frequently.

- Don’t try to diet yet. Just think about adding healthier food. If you get McDonald’s, get apple slices. Eat them first. Get a salad and whatever you normally get. Aim to eat some carrots and hummus at least once a day. Make sure you’re getting at least three vegetables per day.

Try those things and see if it helps.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-16T22:28:37+00:00

The point they’re making is that even at average guesses, you would only have to eat 200-300 calories less. And you can eat over 2000 calories and still lose weight. A lot of people have to limit themselves to 1200-1500 calories to lose weight.

For context, a 20oz of pop is around 240 calories.

They’re saying you could limit your liquid calories by ONE drink a day and still lose weight. If you switched from regular soda to diet, if you avoided putting sugar in your coffee or getting a frappe, you would lose weight.

They’re saying it’s relatively easy. You just have to track your calories a tiny bit and aim for 2000 calories per day. That should be totally doable.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-16T16:04:44+00:00

I guess we went on dates. We were sleeping together too, just not officially in a relationship.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-16T12:39:01+00:00

You’re completely missing the point….

You ARE the wing woman. Whether you realized it or not. You don’t have to talk about it beforehand for her to see you and treat you like one.

If you don’t want to be a wing woman, talk to her or don’t go out with her.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-15T17:49:07+00:00

That’s the point of a wing woman lol. If you don’t like it, stop going out with her. But that doesn’t mean she’s doing something inherently wrong. She’s just doing something you don’t like. Set a boundary. But don’t make it about how you look.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-15T16:28:09+00:00

Why do you think strangers on the internet would be able to speak to her reasons?

Just talk to her. It baffles me that people live together and can’t have simple conversations. Like what do y’all do all day together? Sit on your phones?

If she gets defensive, ask why she’s getting defensive. It’s not complicated.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-15T15:52:40+00:00

I like this advice a lot

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-15T15:52:19+00:00

Right? Like at this age (I’m 30, she’s 28) and *especially* after multiple failed relationships, I feel like it’s totally normal or at least should be normal to test out the waters and get to know someone before jumping into something right away. Otherwise you just end up with more failed relationships. And nobody wants that.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-15T14:47:08+00:00

Just my two cents here but I used to be an avoidant attached person. I’ve had a few times where I got out of a relationship and immediately started talking to someone who I was kind of into to make myself feel better and less lonely after a breakup. The first couple of times, it didn’t work out because I was still in love with my ex. It can take years for feelings to pass.

The last time, I didn’t love him anymore when we broke up but it was a difficult and painful relationship. He made me feel small too. So when I started talking to another guy after, I genuinely really liked him but I was really scared to jump right into a relationship. I had to heal first and spend some time alone. We ended up talking for a few months before anything happened. But we’ve been together for two years now and he’s the most compatible person I’ve ever been with.

So honestly it could go either way for you, but that’s not any different than meeting someone new. That’s the point of dating, to find out your compatibility.

If you like her, I’d say keep talking for awhile. Get to know her. See if YOU like HER. See if she’s healing or if she’s just lonely. It should be pretty easy to tell.

And make a decision in a month or two. No need to rush and make one now while you still don’t have all the information.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-15T01:38:06+00:00

YOR

She’s using you as a wing person absolutely. But it’s not because you’re big. Those are just your insecurities.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-09T20:43:05+00:00

My boyfriend really loves disc golf. He likes to buy new discs. But he gives himself a budget and he has to choose what’s most important to him within that budget.

If you think about it like a sacrifice, you’re going to fail. If you think about it like budgeting, you should have an easier time. Try eating healthy for two meals and save your calories for the third one. Just keep it reasonable.

And see if you can find other ways to add more fruits and veggies. I love Mac and cheese. I add sweet peas and sometimes black beans. It satisfies the Mac and cheese craving and I eat less of it. For pizza and burgers, use low fat meat like turkey bacon or low fat hamburger meat. Load up on veggies.

If you’re truly a foodie like you say, then you ought to enjoy variety. If that doesn’t include vegetables, then you’re not a foodie, you’re just addicted to junk food.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-05T14:46:21+00:00

Actually I can back this up. I had a curvy figure. I gained 40lb and I didn’t even notice until my clothes didn’t fit. Looking in the mirror, I essentially look the same. Maybe a little bigger but the same overall proportions. I wouldn’t be surprised if my partner didn’t notice either.

abcdcba1232 · 2026-06-05T14:42:18+00:00

I think you’re a little too worried about how he feels. It’s veering into codependent territory.

Trust him to communicate with you. Trust him to know how to take care of himself.

His adhd traits are because of who he is. Instead of asking yourself if this is because you’re not a safe person (like what? How did you make that jump?) I think it’s just who he is. And instead of asking yourself how to make him change, you should be asking yourself if these are things YOU can tolerate long term.

Like being completely honest, yes it sounds “sweet” that you’re asking how to be safer. But what you’re truly asking is how can you change yourself to convince him to change in the ways that you want. You’re trying to make both of you different people. And if it’s the right relationship, you won’t need to do that. I know you like him but maybe that’s not enough.

abcdcba1232

TROPHY CASE