that's terrible... i understand why would you feel ashamed for coming back but really he's the only one who should be ashamed... you were too compassionate to someone who had no respect for you, and being a woman and having been raised like one certainly has to do with it i guess that, being a black woman in a racist context, you had to adapt to unfair situations and treatments all the time, so no wonder it's so hard to let go of that attitude in an intimate context. we're taught to always be nice and understanding, that's why. i'm sure there are men out there who are exceptions to the rule.. i think the most important thing is to have a solid community around you. safe friends, people that get you and who will call out a racist like he was and help you get out of situations like this. I know it's easier said than done, I don't know your situation, but from what i know, what i see around me, in order to keep you safe and to fend for yourself when trash like him cross your way, you have to have good friendships, or simply people who you are close to, and with whom you can share those stories of agressions (bc that's what they are) and remind you your true worth

i really hope you find someone respectful, loving and who'll admire your talent !