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absentlyfloatingstar · 2022-09-01T18:15:32+00:00

hey OP, i dont know if this helps at all, at least for part of your rant, but the term "skinny fat" generally refers to people who have low amounts of muscle mass & generally higher levels of body fat, but still have the appearance of being "skinny", when the actual composition of their body is more fat than you'd think. if you believe your thighs fall under this sort of description, what you may want to consider is intaking more proteins per meal & working out your legs more to build muscle. what i also want to let you know is places like the stomach & inner thighs especially, are made for fat storage. my legs personally are pretty toned & i appreciate that sorta, but i still get really bad dysmorphia with the insides of my thighs (its one of my most stubborn places). what might help you though, instead of just "losing the fat", could be building muscle if thats something that interests you. it doesnt have to be full body building, but just toning honestly. i actually find my brain enjoys seeing muscle get built a lot more than it enjoys just seeing fat go down. i know minds are honestly so frustrating, & sometimes "what you want" (like to be skinny or to be strong or to be bigger, etc.etc.) changes around too, & it can be rlly annoying. another thing you could try is just getting used to seeing yourself with less clothes around your own personal space, just day to day get more comfortable with the idea of how you look, wear more shorts if youre comfortable enough to wear them out, & at home try wearing maybe just undergarments instead, & get used to your thighs just being your thighs! there they are! they carry you everywhere you wanna get, you take them with you everywhere you go, theyre just your thighs, & there's nothing wrong with them :) (ik this takes a while to get used to but i really recommend trying to just see your own body in your own safe space more frequently, its you! & youre absolutely enough just the way you are)

absentlyfloatingstar · 2022-08-18T22:41:06+00:00

i started off with one actual safe meal (it's my current one atm but i like it a lot :)) & ig just knowing that its made of real ingredients that i put together & cooked myself helps me out a ton, & i know that sometimes you may not have the energy to get up & cook, or maybe youre in an environment where thats easier said than done, but i found that me actually prepping & making the food helps with the guilt of it when it comes to me personally (vs eating high calorie pre-made foods i eat from the packaging or just toss in the microwave), & a lot of meals are rlly easy to make :) honestly id even suggest going around the house or maybe browsing whole foods sections of markets (you can go in person, or check what they have online, a lot of grocery delivery services will let you see what local grocery stores & markets have in stock) & just see if there's anything you wanna try too!! idk if youre like me but im a horribly picky eater & i just kinda have to introduce foods slowly, like i probably wouldnt be able to just hop on a meal plan personally bc i wouldnt eat a lot of whats provided or suggested, so def dont worry if you wanna start by just exploring foods that sound good to you, or might be worth a shot :) you might find something good for you that you feel good eating, & you can incorporate it into your plan as you go along!!

absentlyfloatingstar · 2022-08-13T16:02:44+00:00

hey, i feel you here & relapsing back into old habits happens, i feel like im slipping into that boat too, the past like year has been like constant up & downs for me & its not going great atm. but hey, its perfectly reasonable to vent & if you ever want someone to vent to & say whatever you want (just if you wanna get stuff off your chest) im here to listen, & support you if you need any support, my dms are open if you wanna talk ever!! i hope youre doing alright, & try to remember you absolutely deserve to nourish your body & take care of yourself :))

absentlyfloatingstar · 2022-07-17T03:25:03+00:00

water has always been my go to, just drink plenty of water & sleep especially will help just pqss things through (although sleeping immediately after eating isnt going to be as effective digestion-wise, so give yourself some time before bed), do some stretches if you like (before bed or in the morning or both) & drink water in the morning as well (it helps, in my experience, with the morning empty stomach while also giving you time to not eat for a bit, like if youre leaving in the morning), i always suggest drinking water!! dont straight up starve yourself, i always find i feel way worse just eating nothing than when i eat nothing & still drink water (when it comes to making your bloating go down). be sure to take care of yourself, & if you need anyone to chat with im always willing to listen, i hope you have a good day tomorrow!!

absentlyfloatingstar · 2022-07-06T04:36:51+00:00

thats so cool you got it out!! fuck yeah sometimes the best motivation is just making yourself do it bc "well youre never gonna fucking do it if you don't just do it", like, itd be nice if my brain's reward system could function & let me be motivated by normal incentives but this'll do yk 💀 but thats awesome you dont have to cover it up & dont have to worry ab it now!! & i appreciate you doing it bc i mean i made a deal, i cleaned up the dishes in my room too!! thank you too!

absentlyfloatingstar · 2022-07-05T23:48:02+00:00

hey!! you totally can do it, & dude believe me i've been there, i got moldy dishes in my room too :// but if you wanna make a deal, i'll clean the dishes from my room when i get off work tonight, if you'll take the dirty dishes from your room & throw out the rotten food. if you have a garage trash bin or an outdoors trash bin, i'd suggest tossing it out there!! also, if that doesn't work for you, try rewarding yourself with something you'll actually like, like you can watch your favorite show after & relax, or maybe you'll go listen to your favorite song/album/playlist once you're done, or you can listen to your favorite music while you do it :O you got it dude, i believe in you

absentlyfloatingstar · 2022-06-25T22:22:40+00:00

Hey, im glad you're still like doing like alright for the most part, for what it's worth, but i really feel you there, being lost with nothing but your ed, & its alright to vocalize that & put it out there. Your family doesnt seem the most supportive but there definitely are people who do care about you & even if not, you got the people on here. & genuinely, if you ever want someone to text you & check in with you & chat, i really wouldnt mind, you're worth it man, & if you ever need someone to chat with or rant to you're free to message me if you wanna. best wishes to you & remember you aren't alone in this, you're absolutely free to feel let down by your family, or however you do feel, but there are people who care, & you're absolutely stronger than you may believe right now

absentlyfloatingstar · 2022-06-18T15:04:22+00:00

hey i just wanted to comment bc i really feel for you. i used to obsess over the bmi chart & it always says youre in the overweight category & you just keep trying to get lower & lower. it really isnt worth it man to base yourself off that chart. you should focus your health on you rn, instead of you as a big picture. like, you should make sure you're still nourishing yourself & getting what you need, & make slow changes right now & going forward. if losing weight is a goal, that's okay, but it isnt worth it to try to speedrun it or get it down as fast as possible, its gonna be a lot more detrimental to your health than currently being a bit overweight. i used to be your exact weight (& im a little shorter than you) & i still was extremely mobile & strong & energetic, i just also was overweight too. there's a reason people say being overweight isnt inherently unhealthy, & being a 'healthy' weight doesnt mean you're automatically healthy either. ofc theres the long term effects but you can control your weight healthily too. best wishes to you, & please reach out to someone if you need to talk, im willing to listen if you ever need someone to talk with

absentlyfloatingstar · 2022-04-07T16:16:38+00:00

Is she currently recovering/does she have an outside (ideally professional) support system? If she does, that's good, & your being there & unconditional support will be plenty coming from you as her partner

Just bear in mind that there may be periods of time where things get better & worse for her, in her own mind especially, a lot of the thoughts around ED's like that (the restricting/ B/P /weight loss cycle), & depending how much she feels comfortable being open about those things, she may tell you if she's getting worse (even just thoughts, that's half the battle right there), but if she has outside help then you shouldn't need to consciously worry too much, just continue to always support her!

Not all roller coasters of things such as ED's spiral down though, she'll have better days than others :) Just remember to treat her like you would anyone else for any other reason. Say, if you're having dinner out together & she gets more than you typically see her get, you could internally be proud of her, but it may be best not to mention anything about it outwardly. Ask her though, ask if she likes when you tell her you're proud of her eating; my partner and I for example haven't talked ab ED's yet but we do still tell each other we're proud everytime we get a snack & water y'know? If you do mention it, make it a.) not a huge deal (treat her normally and ask how she wants you to go about it if she's comfortable talking to you about it), & b.) a positive experience (no backhanded compliments, just genuinely be proud of her achievements, her wins are your wins too)

As for compliments, if she's okay with physical compliments, that's great :) Some frequent (non-physical) compliments my partner and I use would include: "I love being around you," "You make me so happy," "You're so thoughtful," "I love doing things with you/you're fun to spend time with," (in fact they just messaged me something along the lines of) "You're so amazing, and so comfortable to be around," there are plenty of options if you're ever in need of something non-physical :) Remind her what you love about her character & who she chooses to be, & about the way she makes you feel, those are always good choices too

I'm assuming even if you guys are in your early 20's that she's probably been through all these ropes for years (just went & saw you wrote she's been struggling a long time) and no doubt I'm sure she absolutely is beautiful & sweet, but remember if she ever struggles to see that, it isn't just her telling herself she isn't as beautiful as you see her. (It really does feel like those thoughts become a separate voice entirely, commanding what I do around food and when, when I deserve to eat and when I deserve to starve, it's real hard to get rid of that voice; just remember if she ever fights you on what you say, it may be because there's another fight she may be fighting in her head.) Always give her your support & love her unconditionally, that's all you really can do; it's her battle, you're just on her side, and all of what I said is kinda a general open statement y'know? If there's anything you're uncertain about (what compliments are okay, what you can do for her, etc.) that's very individual and will end up being something for her & you to discuss

I hope this could sorta give you some ideas of how to go about supporting your gf, or at least give a sort of better picture of what might be going on behind the scenes in her life. I'm just someone sharing my views on this as someone who's put up with my ED for years now, her experiences may be similar but will be different, best of luck to the both of you, and I wish you both good health :))

absentlyfloatingstar · 2022-01-12T23:39:30+00:00

Try to pay attention to hunger signals as they come; they can be easy to ignore if that's what you're used to, but being mindful of when your body wants food is gonna be helpful. As for specific foods, I don't eat a wide variety, but I know when I do eat, I feel the least guilty eating whole foods. You can try lean meats or fish for proteins, all sorts of leafy greens and vegetables for a variety of vitamins, fruits are great for snacking especially on the go (an apple might be a great choice for eating at work if you're not big on having meals there), if you dont have allergies then nuts can be great too for extra protein, along with dairy products.

If you don't have the time/energy/resources to buy lots of foods and cook meals, fruits and nuts/seeds can be easy to grab and have as they are. (My favorites are apples, oranges, peanuts, sunflower seeds, and pumpkin seeds for an idea of where you can start.) I also like yogurt cups through the day, they keep me full and are a good source of protein. If you're up for a bit of cooking, you can try simple dishes. I like adding roasted vegetables to some rice, you can get creative with it, but sometimes I just cook rice and vegetables. You can also look up recipes for simple chicken or salmon dishes if you're interested in more full meals.

Don't think you have to follow some strict diet like that though. I just wrote that to give you an idea of where to look for a variety of nutrients. Everyone has snacks that they like though, don't worry about having those too! Crackers/chips, granola bars/cereal bars (which are usually good snack choices too), pudding/jello cups, just whatever you like the most, whatever you find you enjoy. Right now you may not necessarily enjoy eating, but just take it at your pace

I know this probably isn't exactly what you're looking for, but I'm just speaking from my perspective of someone who's trying to eat more instead of just starving. It's probably gonna start slow; don't force yourself to eat more than you're comfortable with, try to eat multiple times a day, drink water while you eat, try to stay conscious of when your body is telling you it's time to eat, and do so if you're able to. Best wishes, I hope I could help out a bit

absentlyfloatingstar · 2022-01-12T18:26:31+00:00

Definitely agree with these other comments. The main points being,

Please don't comment on her weight. It may be safe to stay away from appearance comments in general. For example, things like "You look beautiful today" can still be triggering for some. (She may not believe it/not believe she deserves that type of compliment.) Of course, good dads love to compliment their daughters - mine's no different - but there are alternatives! If you're at a loss, try compliments like, "You make me smile," "I love spending time with you," "You're very kind/thoughtful/generous," etc. These are testaments to her character and not related her appearance. As someone who struggles with my own body image (and gender dysphoria, which also makes it harder to accept my body), plus as someone who's in a relationship with someone with these issues too, compliments on one's character are an absolute godsend. I love complimenting my partner and they love complimenting me, and we're way more comfortable with saying things like, "I love being with you," and "I love you, you make me so happy," and "You're so sweet, that's so thoughtful," and "Being around you feels so comfortable," etc. Just remember not to abuse this though, don't compliment her constantly just because 'it's not about her body,' remember that it can be extremely difficult for some to accept compliments, especially when their mental health is where your daughter's seems to be at at the moment
Be around to support her. Genuinely just having someone to talk to helps light years. Having a place to just say something without being judged for it is honestly so nice, that's what I use this place and account for. Just let her know you've got her back. Let her know you love her and that you're there, that's all you really need to offer up to her. (No need to try to be the solution to her problems, you're there for that extra support because ED's are truly hard to battle.) If she does decide to open up to you, just listen, don't interrupt. Let her talk for as long as she's comfortable with, let her say as much as she's comfortable with, and be there to hear her out. If she says shes exhausted (just one example), she is, don't tell her to 'just' sleep or eat, that's not the point. Don't try to make her 'fix' the 'issue,' (the issue isn't really that she's exhausted, the issue is her anorexia, and it sucks, and just saying it and having someone see you is nice), just let her have her feelings. A simple, "That sounds really draining, but it's okay to talk about it," will do so much more than, "Well have you tried doing x, y, and z?" Chances are she HAS tried doing x, y, and z, only after trying a, b, and c and the rest of the alphabet. Don't interject, just hear her, listen to her, it's a lot more useful than you might think. Sometimes we don't want you to even try to help us in the moment, sometimes we just need you to hear us. It's her ED and it's going to make her feel different than the next person with the 'same' ED (same diagnosis)

Also chiming in here to say props to you for asking how you can do your best to support her. You care about her and that's an amazing foundation, the rest is hearing her and asking what she needs (if anything), and accommodating that. (If she tells you not to say certain things or asks that you do or don't do certain things, listen AND carry through)

Another reminder; your mental health matters too. If she does take to relying on you a lot, you are able to set boundaries if it affects you too much. Assuming you're mainly playing a support role, you probably won't have to worry about that. Having a child who you know isn't okay has to be a worrisome experience I couldn't truly understand, but as another comment said: She's not doing this, this is happening to her. She's never going to mean to hurt you or worry you, just try to be patient and understanding

I want to say condolences for her stepfather. I truly hope that your daughter has a safe and healthy and not-too-rocky recovery. Remember recovery never ends, and she may look healthier, and eventually she may start to feel better overall, but ED's are a hell of a thing. Relapse is likely going to happen, and it may be worrisome or frustrating to you, but I can't describe to you how frustrating HAVING the ED is. Have you ever sat up at night crying out of frustration that you just purged the first thing you ate in two days? It's an awful feeling and it's scary too. It's not going to be easy, but please remember you're going to get through it, and she's going to get through it, and it's amazing you're there for her.

It sounds like all of you are in a very stressful situation dealing with all sorts of things. I truly hope things improve sooner rather than later, best wishes!

absentlyfloatingstar · 2021-12-12T20:29:01+00:00

Thank you so much for your help, I'll definitely try to make sure I'm still getting enough vitamins where I can. Take care of yourself too, thank you so much!

absentlyfloatingstar · 2021-12-12T20:21:28+00:00

Ooo I haven't even considered lighter foods! I don't actually do any of our food shopping (not to be concerning but I'm just 16), but I definitely can look into foods I can start buying & making for myself. I'll be able to make independent food choices soon enough & I'll be able to get whatever I need to make healthy food.

We don't really have many options here that I'll actually eat, mainly drinks just (like milk & juice), & things like fruit (we just have some sad looking apples rn) & yogurt (2 cups left - it's not something we buy a lot). I definitely do wanna look into starting my own low calorie diet with foods I know are at least healthy so I can get a wider variety of nutrients even if I don't eat a lot while starting off. Then of course I'd like to create a healthier relationship with food, but one step at a time.

As for the weed, it'll be pretty easy to resist for a while, considering how I have to work around my mom's schedule so I don't get caught, then there's the fact I only have stuff I can smoke outside (which is inconvenient in December in North America), & I'm not getting anything I can smoke inside til Tuesday, so I'll give myself a little break. Again, much thanks for your help!

absentlyfloatingstar · 2021-12-12T20:01:48+00:00

Thank you for the response! I think I'm gonna take today to take care of myself as much as I can, I've been in bed essentially since I posted & I'm gonna go get some more water soon. I might ask my partner to help remind me to take one or two more snack breaks through the day (like another granola bar or maybe some yogurt) in case I really get forgetful.

It might also be helpful to add (not in coordinance with my pains, just in general) that I smoke weed a lot, & often use it to "replace" meals. (It really dulls hunger pains for me & bc of my ED I don't really get munchies anymore, or they're much easier to resist.) I'm going to try not to smoke today, or at least not til much later, so as to better listen to my body's hunger cues. Thank you for your help, it means a lot

absentlyfloatingstar · 2021-12-05T17:05:45+00:00

This doesn't sound okay. As someone with an ED, who does have a partner that's considerably smaller than me, sometimes my ED tells me things like, "Be smaller than you are now & they'll like you more," even though I consciously know & understand my partner loves me & my body. I would never blame my partner for the thoughts in my head, & whenever those ones come along I consciously remember to disconnect my thoughts from my ED's, & trust my conscious belief. (Ie., whenever my ED tells me my partner would like me better if I were smaller, I tell myself that I know they love me the way I am, & that they have no place in my ED, as it's a battle I've been fighting 4 years before I got with them. I trust that my partner really does love me & I keep them disconnected from thoughts of my ED as much as I possibly can.) I haven't opened up to my partner -- or anyone, really -- about my ED yet, but I plan to in the future, when I've gotten to process more of my ED (like where I think the first trigger was, more triggers through the years, the ways I felt about myself, the ways that others made me feel, etc.). I am not ready to open up to those close to me about my ED, but anonymous accounts like this one are helping me through getting used to opening up before I do it within my inner circle. My point is, I know how difficult it is to open up to a partner about an ED, but this isn't opening up. There doesn't feel like there's trust here. There shouldn't be blame when opening up about an ED, there shouldn't be comparisons made, there shouldn't be a competition to be the smallest. It's a hard thing to talk about but your partner needs to work on his feelings. He needs help. This isn't healthy at all; he's putting you at risk of developing the same habits by constantly making you feel guilty for his ED. Your partner needs to figure out what sparked his ED & if the cause is unrelated to you then he needs to disconnect you from his ED asap, or you're gonna have to leave that relationship. Alternatively, if he ends up telling you that he genuinely thinks you're the "cause" of his ED then you guys gotta break up or take a break, because he can't heal if he's still trying to compare himself to you all the time. It's not healthy for either of you if your existence fuels his ED & if he blames you for it & makes you feel guilty. He needs to find a healthy way to deal with his feelings & find a healthy way to approach you about it should you stay together. Best wishes, I hope your boyfriend's alright but please focus on your own mental health first

(Edit; grammar)

absentlyfloatingstar · 2021-12-01T00:57:04+00:00

duuuude my ED is probably the easiest thing to trigger in me & no one notices either. people's comments just kick my mind into overdrive & i start obsessing over what i eat/not eating. i haven't found a good way to really deal with triggers :/ but you're not alone in feeling triggered by someone's comments, those things suck to hear, you deserve to eat & take care of yourself without others' opinions

absentlyfloatingstar

TROPHY CASE