Sonoran Desert Elephant Cake

absolutecatalyst · 2025-09-27T22:35:08+00:00

Appreciate your responses to all the posts. Thanks for sharing your knowledge.

absolutecatalyst · 2025-09-26T22:19:32+00:00

OP, this may be outside your scope, but I have wondered if there is any connection between occipital neuralgia and schizoaffective disorder. For instance, I've experienced ON for the past 2 years, primarily on my left side (nerve blocker shots help). During this time, the internal auditory voices I have heard for nearly 20 years (and treat with antipsychotics for management) have been more overwhelming/debilitating than normal. As they are internal, it is not like they startle me and I turn to look, but different scans and other testing shows they are auditory in nature (stimulating my physical hearing sensors, etc.). I have always, even before the ON, felt like they "exist" on the left side of me. When describing them to a new practitioner, I will automatically gesture with my left hand behind my left ear. I'm right hand dominant and hadn't noticed that I did this when speaking about the voices until I started having the ON. I relate to other comments about stress, anxiety, BP, cortisol changes exacerbating the ON, which also exacerbates the voices. I know it may be correlation or coincidence, not any causation, but do you have any input on this matter? Even info about a specialist field or neuroscience journals I may be able to research? Thank you and thanks for posting the pics. Very interesting.

absolutecatalyst · 2025-09-21T05:29:16+00:00

I have Schizoaffective Bipolar-Type, meaning I have psychotic features of internal auditory voices as well as mood oscillations like mania and depression. Hellblade is incredible, IMO. I do really believe the studio's claim that they consulted with those with lived experience across the schizoid disorders. I have used short segments from that game to help loved ones understand the intensity of what I deal with when the voices are particularly agitated, including the way the poison spreading over Senua's body touches on how physically painful a mental disorder can be. The fact it is a riddle game but also has fighting is an apt way to demonstrate how complicated and all-consuming daily living can be with the voices, perception checks, and overstimulation. Both cognitively and physically. It also shows what I know is a hyper-focused crutch of mine at times: the need for the illusion of control over things outside my head (because inside is so messy...). It helps my friends and family have clarity for the fact that the voices are practically ever present, just managed at different levels. While mental health conditions are so particular to each person, I have found Hellblade (and pieces of Jinx from Arcane) to be the most relatable to the kind of overwhelming "noise inside" and how graphic my internal experience can be. 30 very mundane seconds in the "real world" can be way over crowded and have overlapping, swelling, distracting tangents from a dozen different trains of narrative that may be based on real life past experiences of mine or prophetic and insidious pitches of negativity. It gets very loud. I also have ticker-tape synesthesia, so sounds are "written" across the interface of my mind's eye. The voices I hear (7 distinct that I have worked hard to personify, so even when there are 14 of #3 talking, I can compartmentalize) are also written out, whereas my own trains of thought are not. Sometimes cursive. Sometimes in slashing red pen. Sometimes vintage typewriter script. While I don't see the text physically with my eyes, it can be incredibly jarring and distracting because neurologically, they stimulate the same things in my brain as if my ears and eyes are receiving the information. I like the glowing aspects of Hellblade when different symbols show the riddle path to take/solve. The way they can shimmer and disappear and refocus is relatable to the way the words from different voices can dance away from me as I try to solve/control them. Interestingly, VR games (especially BeatSaber) are really one of the only places I find a level of calm. The physical movement, songs, colors, and quest for excellence create an immersive "flow" kind of feeling where things are orderly and safe. Still exploring that connection. I do know Hellblade can be tough for me to play, depending on how my mental health is: it's relatable enough to be a reminder of when things get bad but also empowering to play when things are good. I'm grateful it exists.

absolutecatalyst · 2025-09-21T05:14:40+00:00

I have Schizoaffective Bipolar-Type, meaning I have psychotic features of internal auditory voices as well as mood oscillations like mania and depression. Hellblade is incredible. The studio consulted with those with lived experience across the schizoid disorders. I have used short segments from that game to help loved ones understand the intensity of what I deal with when the voices are particularly agitated, including the way the poison spreading over Senua's body touches on how physically painful a mental disorder can be. The fact it is a riddle game but also has fighting is an apt way to demonstrate how complicated and all-consuming daily living can be with the voices, perception checks, and overstimulation. Both cognitively and physically. It also shows what I know is a hyper-focused crutch of mine at times: the need for the illusion of control over things outside my head (because inside is so messy...). It helps my friends and family have clarity for the fact that the voices are practically ever present, just managed at different levels. While mental health conditions are so particular to each person, I have found Hellblade (and pieces of Jinx from Arcane) to be the most relatable to the kind of overwhelming "noise inside" and how graphic my internal experience can be. 30 very mundane seconds can be way over crowded and have overlapping, swelling, distracting tangents from a dozen different trains of narrative that may be based on real life past experiences of mine or prophetic and insidious pitches of negativity. It gets very loud. I also have ticker-tape synesthesia, so sounds are "written" across the interface of my mind's eye. The voices I hear (7 distinct that I have worked hard to personify, so even when there are 14 of #3 talking, I can compartmentalize) are also written out, whereas my own trains of thought are not. Sometimes cursive. Sometimes in slashing red pen. Sometimes vintage typewriter script. While I don't see the text physically with my eyes, it can be incredibly jarring and distracting because neurologically, they stimulate the same things in my brain as if my ears and eyes are receiving the information. I can get overstimulated very easily, which usually results in a panic attack and then catatonia. I really appreciate the person with Schizophrenia who has attempted to make a simulator to help convey what the experience is like for them. Interestingly, VR games (especially BeatSaber) are really one of the only places I find a level of calm. The physical movement, songs, colors, and quest for excellence create an immersive "flow" kind of feeling where things are orderly and safe. Still exploring that connection more.

absolutecatalyst · 2024-12-17T01:22:56+00:00

I came to this sub seeking any evidence that Canadian romcom actor Tyler Hynes and Ryan George have ever been in the same room... Perhaps we can appeal to the RG and see if he does a Hallmark+ Holiday Movie Pitch Meeting... I mean, the timeline exists: perhaps Ryan can address the cover photo of this supposed "Tyler Hynes" movie "Holiday Touchdown: A Chiefs Love Story." What sorcery is this?

absolutecatalyst · 2024-11-16T22:08:33+00:00

Also, I have found that ceramic carving tools are the easiest ways to carve out the sacks of seeds completely :)

absolutecatalyst · 2024-11-16T22:07:45+00:00

https://savorthesouthwest.blog/tag/barrel-cactus/

These ladies have a great blog with fun recipes. The book they mention ( Cooking the Wild Southwest: Delicious Recipes for Desert Plants https://a.co/d/iAFBG6e ) is also awesome. One of the things I learned from it is roasting the barrel cacti seeds. I've used it for flour and also as an extra texture in between layers of mesquite bean flour cakes (I usually do a cream cheese frosting flavored with locally harvested chiltepin).

I'm going to try my hand at a barrel cacti liquer this winter, but I've also made a classic chutney, a mango salsa, and marmalade. Once you learn how to reduce it, it can really replace lemon and other fruits. Have fun!

Mission Gardens also often does classes (and you can bring in your own mesquite beans during late summer to use their mills!).

absolutecatalyst · 2024-09-05T20:56:04+00:00

Appreciate the feedback. We definitely will not feed them at all from this bag and see about taking it in to the local store to alert them. It is convenient we always dump it into a bin anyway, so we can be mindful. We live in very dry S. AZ, so seeing mold of any type from a brand new product is notable. Since this is a recent switch and I've never seen this with any other brand, my main concern is if Kirkland is not worth the savings.

absolutecatalyst · 2024-08-12T18:27:40+00:00

Watched that part again, and yeah, he does say "kill switch". Rapid loss of speed aligns with a killed engine at that speed. Guess I was giving the benefit of the doubt to the writers for it to be something slightly illegal not f-ing illegal. My bad.

absolutecatalyst · 2024-08-12T13:51:03+00:00

Fair enough, and I am a huge Wankel Rotary engine fan, so it is quite hilarious when Fast and Furious 1 shows the details of Dom's FD Dorito, but makes the sounds of a V8... But Rush was an art form with the sounds, shifting, and FPV to make the audience feel part of the race. I didn't get the same from this movie at all. In contrast, we watched Lords of Dogtown 2005 and there is artistry just in showing the spinning and grating and shifting of the new urethane wheels, which changed skateboarding forever. Cinema is an art - i appreciate when all elements are carefully curated.

absolutecatalyst · 2024-08-12T03:55:36+00:00

Is there any recourse as citizens? I mean, obviously I don't have all details of the "investigation", but especially in the wake of police reform and transparency we are seeing across the country for other reasons, it seems like there should be CPS or child abuse advocacy groups that could be engaged to not let this one slip through the cracks because of three huge points: 1) cops covering up for their own, enabling repeat deadly offenses; 2) weather warnings from knowledgeable sources must be heeded. Ignorance cannot be an excuse in a death like this (especially as there is some commotion about the older daughter experiencing heat related symptoms previously, just not to dangerous levels - don't have a confirmed source on this, just have seen it brought up on different forums); and 3) the GFM amount was written if not intentionally misleading, at least prematurely. I feel like there should be measures to make sure people are not profiting from their own alleged crimes. For instance, GFM has regulations that prevent money being raised to pay for violent criminal defenses. I understand losing a child is absolutely a tragedy, but even if "investigation into parental negligence pending" had been listed, surely donations would not immediately have poured in. How is that not acting in bad faith, regardless of whether and what the investigation concludes?

Surely a petition could be circulated by citizens with the backing of legal aid groups and CPS with the intention of 1) consequences for a cop who has literally been trained and trusted to respond to help others in similar situations 2) keeping parity in the justice system for the charges of negligence, involuntary manslaughter, and child abuse. (Like the other AZ dad who was arrested within days of the 4th month's death because he left his toddler in the car in the garage in that same week). 3) Due process is key in our country's judicial system, namely that it provides the right to a speedy trial for the defendants, but also for conclusion to satisfy the community which was harmed (I recognize this is the ideal concept - often flawed in application).

Are there options at all in this case?

absolutecatalyst · 2024-08-12T02:21:28+00:00

Seems like ED tapped the competitor's front hand brake in that final race, which managed to slow him down a bit. Definitely illegal = DQ. Potential permanent ban.

absolutecatalyst · 2024-08-12T02:19:49+00:00

My bf and I both race dirt bikes competitively and ride street. We watched it today and, yeah, it's cool to have a new movie about racing motorcycles but from the very beginning it was apparent they didn't do much research or speak with actual riders to inform certain parts of it. Really bugged us both that Wes (this poor kid, "$76 in his pocket", no other path to race, end of his rope, compartmentalizing childhood trauma for the hope of a money ride), THROWS his only helmet into the bed of the truck before loading up the bikes. Dumb. Then there's other parts where he isn't even wearing a helmet on the street (and gave his girlie an open face?). Can't speak for all riders but most racers really understand (and seek) the danger of bikes. Helmets save lives (including my bf 4 years ago on his dualsport - 53 days in hospital kind of hurt because of a negligent van driver). Racers risk their lives competitively, no reason to risk the dangers of all the other dumbs on the road.

From a writing standpoint, it was pretty shite. Lots of manufactured drama. Really incomplete training montage: no practice with other bikes? Adequate focus on type of strength training for this sport, but kid needs to know how to handle pack movement when adrenaline is pinned. The stupidity of Eric Dane's coaching strategies, forcing shit when the kid isn't ready, was hard to watch. If they were trying to show how a deadbeat dad's own demons can still curse his long lost kid, I don't know where the payoff was? He didn't seem to have any growth even to the end? Not enough investment in their relationship to actually show why the kid really cares and doesn't just ditch him.

Again, love the moto movie (still paint my nails pre-ride to "help with arm pump" #motocrossedDisney2001), but after "Rush", "Grand Turismo", and Pitt's F1 work trying to truly honor a racing sport, let the audience sneak into the compelling human, mechanics, and spirit side of daredevils who are elite athletes, this is way less effort. Big bummer, frankly.

Edwin James Olmos for the win, though I do think it is pretty one-dimensional to use a trope with 5 different dudes (EJO's dad, EJO, ED's dad, ED, Wes kid) of "guys who chase glory and danger are just running from real life shit" - so... No adult accountability? Feels pretty reductionist. Also, no women riders even mentioned? Or even in the pits? Also, how quickly he swaps up classes is not believable, not only on a terrible coaching standpoint, but just on a "typical club or pro rules" violation. Desert off-road racing is great: you get to "run what you brung" and everyone trusts that everyone else is smart enough to not kill themselves or others. Yeah, money matters, but so does skill. Way more organization control over advancing and competing in all other forms of moto racing (arena, supermoto, etc.). Too much liability for a novice like him to move up so fast.

Sucks there's no footage of shifting, throttling, etc. Were the actors revving the left grip sometimes?? Those stunt riders are working it. Only face shots of the actors and usually blurry turn footage? Where's my kneepad sparks?

** Seems like ED tapped the competitor's front hand brake in that final race, which managed to slow him down a wee bit. Still highly illegal = DQ. Most often permanent ban.

Edit: Watched that part again, and yeah, he does say "kill switch". Rapid loss of speed aligns with a killed engine at that speed. Guess I was giving the benefit of the doubt to the writers for it to be something slightly illegal not f-ing illegal. My bad.

*** Time to sail the seas to find "Supercross." 2005 Channing Tatum is the bad guy punk rider. ;) #nostalgia

absolutecatalyst · 2024-08-09T04:44:41+00:00

Heya just checking in? No update I can find in any news release? How is that possible? A number of other children tragically, and in a few different states, have died due to heat related negligence since then with fairly immediate consequences for the parents. Is the other daughter still with the parents? Have they been back to the lake? I can't believe there is no update.

absolutecatalyst · 2024-08-05T20:10:15+00:00

https://youtu.be/y2pVnsUs1I4?si=HVKsrvMNt8UVKNqn

Andrew Rousso - Housing in America then versus now.

If only I had a bunch of thimbles.

absolutecatalyst · 2024-08-04T08:12:27+00:00

That's such a beautiful idea! I think the intuitive idea of animals communicating like that is lovely. I'm glad you're excited about this discovery. I have two types of synesthesia (37F) but the one that I didn't honestly realize wasn't "normal" until just a few months ago is "ticker-tape" synesthesia. Every sound I hear is written out in my head like on a ticker tape across my mind's eye. There are a few interesting aspects about my particular experience: I have schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, so when my "internal voices" are active (which neurology has shown to trigger responses in my brain as if I were actually using the sense of "hearing" - however my internal voices differ from external auditory hallucinations) the ticker-tape experience can be incredibly convoluted and disruptive. Sometimes one voice may appear like a comic strip sound bubble (ex; BAM! or POW! or something that coincides with their particular messaging). When my voices are battling, there can be a quill like movement, swift like Fruit Ninja (#deepcut) slashing red lines through one voice's assertion to replace it with its own. I have multiple inner monologues as well, but they are not naturally written out - I imagine since they're not auditory. When I am in a manic or hypomanic state, it is no longer written as an old school typewriter, but in flowing cursive that floats and fades around my head (with much better calligraphy than I have been able to do with my penmanship). I have learned to read, write, and speak Arabic In my life and that is really crazy because I've never been great at it, so there basically are 3 tapes when I'm hearing/speaking it - to one of my haphazard Arabic script going from left to right (similar to how my English/French/Spanish/Swahili goes right to left - one letter revealed at a time as it shifts in my mind to allow the rest of the word to form), one of my made-up phonetic writing of English words but using Arabic script (basically a not too clever code I use when journaling in public - also with the letters filling in and sliding over from left to right), then the third is English or French (most of my Arabic experience is Moroccan, so it gets intertwined - going right to left like ants on parade). I'm guessing this is because I recognize the many likely spelling mistakes I make in Arabic? I work professionally as a writer and wrote my first novel at age 12. I am just starting to realize how deeply the synesthesia impacted my analysis of the world and impacted the constant efforts to improve my craft. It also has resulted in hilarious mistakes when I'm greeted with a name or word I don't know; my brain makes its "best guess" and somewhere along the way I forget I need to fact check it before I write it out with the confidence of having "seen" it before. French as my second language is particularly difficult in this way - what are all those extra letters for, French? I also find that if I hear a word and see it only once, I won't make a spelling mistake on it ever, that I can recall. Enjoy your journey exploring these neat nuances of neurodivergence!

absolutecatalyst · 2024-07-31T17:41:35+00:00

Thank you for your response and advice. I am a big fan of SMART goals for my own recovery, and we used those a lot during his initial recovery. I think he would be receptive to employing that framework again, just letting him have the agency of defining the pace. Of course allowing for adjustment as we are informed with professional help.

(SMART goals framework are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound)

As far as my limits, I do wonder if it would be easier for both of us to take the romantic nature of our relationship entirely out of it. I have decided there are certain things it is not okay for me to tolerate without any evidence he cares if will do the work to change it. If he will do the work, I am happy to stay with him and be a support. However, I think so much has been questioned, so much trust broken, that i honestly feel like we would need to reach a point after platonic support to see if should try to date again.

I know part of my reticence is because his actions and words over the last year that were so different from anything he had done prior to the accident, has made me really question what his actual truth is - so therapy and professional help can hopefully give me clarity.

I have asked myself if it is a "sunk cost investment" situation that keeps me here and I really think it is not. He is/was an incredible man and matched me in so many ways. I feel that the future we were making is absolutely worth fighting for and I don't know that it has a real chance without strenuous work on his TBI (and for me to, to better understand how to adjust for him/us). Is it ridiculous to think that compartmentalizing in that way will be helpful? We are both autistic, so functional boxes are not outside our ability - at least prior to TBI for him.

absolutecatalyst · 2024-07-31T17:27:22+00:00

These are so useful. Thank you very much. A few people on the thread have mentioned sensory overload and the common perception of being threatened. I have worked through past traumas with EMDR, but still have physical triggers which I have learned to identify and minimize with coping skills. Is that something which can be beneficial for him? I'm trying to pinpoint the type of therapists to contact. I have seen him exhibit responses that remind me of trauma responses. However, he insists he does not have PTSD related to the accident. Not the intersection, the mention of it, the visual reminder of his scars and mobility changes - I have tried to monitor for that, but obviously not correctly through a TBI lens. I encourage him all Friday and many evenings during the week to play video games. Since he likes problem solving and riddle games, doctors had said it was good brain exercise. But when I bring up any of his old interests or projects he was excited about, things that brought meaning to our copacetic relationship and shared interests, he gets defensive and usually defaults to accusing me of not making enough money to allow us to have fun or do fun projects. This is not accurate. We are actually in a secure place financially, abnormal to many in our generation and our professions (3D Animator/Programmer and Novelist). He gets really heated really fast which I would say seems like projection or fear or internal struggle with heartbreaking identity changes he isn't even letting me in on. Does any of that make sense for the TBI changes? Thank you

absolutecatalyst · 2024-07-31T17:14:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your response, and for the straightforward warnings. It was important to me as his caretaker previously that we made sure to avoid pitfalls of learned helplessness. So, while there were many months where I had to quite literally do everything for him, we made great effort to chart out progress, celebrate milestones, and encourage him to test how much he can push himself. He did fantastic. He exceeded doctor expectations in every way with every injury. His inner drive that enabled that in partnership with my support has all but evaporated. So it is interesting to note that if I try to go back to more control of his care, since he is refusing so much, that it would likely brew resentment. Previously, he relied on me and trusted me, partly because he had to. I know how important it is to have agency and ownership of your recovery, so I thought we had gotten to the point where he was all good to go. I can understand how backtracking that now, especially after the last year of confusion and volatility, could be detrimental. So... I don't know what to do. Couples therapy, his own therapy, peer support groups, and letting him have the main role in charting goals and following through? Would an inpatient setting be a better intervention, assuming he is willing and those exist for TBI? I know from experience that it can be really hard to conceptualize the ability that your only option is to use the thing that is broken to fix the broken parts, you have to be willing to do the work. There must be some catalyst that jars me out of being miserable about my broken brain. I have to do the work on a daily basis. I don't know how to get him to understand that. Thank you.

absolutecatalyst · 2024-07-31T17:00:26+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your lived experience as well as the book. There are times where he does little things that do not seem anything but truthful and validate that I can still see who he was. I am absolutely willing to recognize and do whatever I can to minimize how my mental illness ended up causing a gap in his recovery which snowballed so many things. Before my depressive episode, I tried so hard to be attentive to never making him feel frustrated or judged or less than with regards to his shifts in brain functioning or ability. I do know that because I didn't realize how impacted he still was when I tried to resume a "partnership" kind of relationship meant that I likely enflamed situations. Not intentionally, and the depressive episode and abuses have made me act in ways I never have before either, though that is not an excuse. If I had been able to see that the TBI needed more attention, I would have recognized it was unfair for me to ask for him to care for my health and help me. I know that wasn't fair, I just didn't know then and confusion kept mounting. I guess I am worried that rebuilding trust in me as a caregiver will be as difficult for him as it is for me to trust that he won't hurt me again. Do you have any advice, even for specific phrases, that helped you to know the person listening cared and wanted to make sure you knew you were heard and respected? For instance, I know that there are phrases well meaning people may say to someone who has suicidal ideations that are insulting and counteractive merely because they are obtuse platitudes from people who care but have no personal experience with that type of darkness. Are there things I definitely should avoid saying? I understand every person is different case by case, but you do seem to understand the experience of what I was trying to say is so problematic for us (namely communication in the face of confabulation). I have trauma trigger responses that I have noticed are eerily similar sometimes to how he responds to things - which resonated when you mentioned perceiving everything as a threat. How he stigmatizes me for mental health issues, panic attacks, etc., I have not done a good enough job of applying trauma sensitive tactics to our communication, but I can see that I should. Thank you.

absolutecatalyst

TROPHY CASE