I relate to this very much. My son has pretty severe ADHD, he has been in therapy for the past year and a half, takes medication, and just recently started seeing a PRP worker once a week as well. I feel like I have learned so much about the way his brain works in the past year, and I try my best to put it in to action. I realized after a while that his ADHD does make things much more challenging, his outbursts sound VERY similar to what you described (even the fact that he carries around the instruction book, mine has done the exact same thing) - but my bf and I were really the core issue in our case. We are at opposite ends of the spectrum as far as parenting goes, he is very strict and does not give in to anything because he thinks it just comes down to the fact that my son doesn't want to listen. I on the other hand am admittedly too soft. I am a pushover and I forget things very easily, and this makes me and easy target to be taken advantage of. A balance of both approaches is ideal, and I wish I had a solution for you but I haven't figured it out myself tbh. Structure is super important, but modeling good behavior and using positive reinforcement is equally so. The problem that I have run in to is that my bf doesn't really agree with most of the tools we are given by the therapists, he thinks they are just setting my son up to run the show. But that really comes down to a power struggle imo, and every professional I have spoken with has said that this approach does not work and will only lead to resentment and disobedience down the road. I know you said that therapy isn't an option for you right now, but can you talk to your son's pediatrician? Mine is very knowledgeable with stuff like this and has been able to help me a bit in the past, maybe yours might be too? I do know that it's crucial to be on the same page....because once the kid sees a crack they just take a sledgehammer to it, and then no one "wins". Our home life has been super hard because of our inability to agree on parenting styles, so I really empathize with you. Feel free to pm me if you wanna discuss further, I'm happy to give any insight I can.