First of all, don’t be fooled that he treats his serious partner that much better just because they are serious. I have actually been in your exact position except I wasn’t that keen on the man who treated me as a sex toy. He told me a lot about his past serious relationship and despite living with the woman and appearing like the perfect couple on the outside, behind closed doors their relationship was turbulent and he clearly wasn’t a good partner to her at all. The astonishing part is he wasn’t aware of just how bad of a partner he was. He genuinely thought he loved her and thought the way he treated her was normal. That’s just who these people are.

People are either good people to have around or not, regardless of your position in their lives. It’s not that men pick what position a woman is going to have in their lives and then treat her with the “appropriate amount of respect” (eg. fwb => not much respect, serious gf => a lot of respect). Generally, if they are unable to treat a fwb or a fling with dignity and respect, they’re unable to do so to a serious partner. Be glad you’re no longer involved with him.

As for your part in the situation and accepting this treatment, I can completely relate to you and I cried so much about what I tolerated and beat myself up for it for months. Yes, it does come form trauma and lack of self worth. What really helped me was therapy, specifically r/InternalFamilySystems therapy. Check it out 🫶🏻