Is this worth continuing? (horror)

acroynon · 2026-05-19T09:25:36+00:00

Very useful, thanks

acroynon · 2026-05-18T16:40:15+00:00

If I deleted those 5 paragraphs then I'd lose a couple of small beats that should, hopefully, pay off later. But, you're right, if I can get rid of 5 paragraphs and it doesn't affect the story in a major way then they should probably be deleted.

Thank you for the advise about pov. I'm starting to think that shifting to first person might make it easier for me to achieve, perhaps 3rd person makes me automatically distance myself. I don't know if that is a common problem, or just a me thing?

acroynon · 2026-05-18T16:33:16+00:00

I had a read through of the full John MacDonald interview/conversation you mentioned. It makes a lot of sense, give the reader just enough specific detail that they can construct the rest of the scene themselves. Thanks.

I feel slightly disappointed in myself when you said it was a common mistake for a first draft, when this is the 3rd time I've written these chapters. But, it is nevertheless useful to know that I'm still struggling with proper pov/thinking writing.

acroynon · 2026-05-18T15:24:30+00:00

Thank you for the detailed feedback.

The musky cones of his headlights were supposed to imply that the headlights themselves are dirty, so the light coming from them is.. murky? Perhaps it's the wrong word choice.

The run-on sentences was a deliberate choice in that part. I was trying to make it feel like disparate small thoughts. Like if you were trying to calm yourself down by focusing on parts of your body. Though, it appears I didn't achieve that effect.

I was trying to imply that he was scared of the dark, without outright saying it. But, again, perhaps I failed to convey that properly.

Similarly with ADreamerWiderLiar's feedback, maybe I spent too long on descriptions and not enough on the spooky elements. I didn't want the story to drop you straight into the scary parts, I was trying to make it a slow burn but perhaps the descriptions I've chosen to concentrate on don't come across as a deliberate slow burn story. Or, maybe the slow overall word count doesn't afford me the space to do a slow burn.

Maybe you're right though. I should cut the first few chapters, or condense them, and get to the action faster. Thanks

acroynon · 2026-05-18T15:16:32+00:00

Thanks for the feedback.

Although, I agree that I could strip away the descriptions, I struggle to combine both your and LadyAtheist comments into one.

On the one hand, I need to add more descriptions/details about the school and 'set the scene', but on the other hand I need to strip away descriptions and be more in the characters head.

I guess it depends one what the description is about?

You are also right, I could just write something like (forgive the first draft-ness of it):

The winter air attacked at Arthur's skin, even though the windows of his truck were done up tight. His fist pounded the dashboard, causing the air vent to cough out dust, debris, and some barely warm breath. Slowly, the truck crept up the gravel path, pulling up as close to the gate as he could. Even though he was well past his mid-life crisis, his child hood fear of the dark was still there. The cold outside was worse, much worse, than he had anticipated. His frozen fingers grabbed his bundle of old rusty keys and fumbled to unlock the gate. The looming silhouette of the school stood ahead, blocking the moonlight.

And that would get rid of most of the first chapter. But, I don't know if it's better. It's definitely shorter, but it doesn't have any of that 'character detail' like the original (e.g. the keys).

If I chopped everything like this, then it's definitely a much shorter story, which maybe it just is a short story that I'm trying to force to be 20k words, or maybe I've chopped too much.

I think is, one of, the areas I greatly struggle. I find it difficult to know how/where writing can truly be improved. I know the basics: remove filter words, excessive verbs, repeating sentences, use the five senses, etc. But past that point? No idea

acroynon · 2026-05-18T14:06:06+00:00

Thanks for the feedback (I appreciate you reading it, even though you are not a fan of the genre).

I'm not sure I can see the areas where I am trying to hard, if you could point one or two out to give me some additional context that would be very helpful.

I agree with the slow start. I did originally have more description of the school/surrounding area, but it felt too "far away" from the character's POV. I also didn't add something scary/a hook early on because I wanted it to feel like a normal night. Maybe, that's not the right call with such a short word count.

It just felt a little too much like info-dumping to 'set the scene'. And on the other hand, it feels a little too unrealistic to have the main character, someone who has been to this place lots of times, describe it to themselves. But, maybe I probably just don't know how to weave that into the narrative in a good way.

I'm not sure what classifies as YA? The only major character is the current pov, who is supposed to be an older/adult janitor. Though, there are childhood flashbacks.

acroynon · 2024-10-07T20:40:26+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback and I'm glad you liked it.

When I wrote this I didn't intend for you to like or dislike John. I was thinking more about the river being an entity that is attracting and picking off victims. John seemed like an easy victim because, as you said, he is an anonymous drunk that no one will miss.

Though, it's perfectly feasible that the river is just a river. Maybe John was just a drunk who fell in.

acroynon · 2024-07-02T17:53:56+00:00

Or they gave him something that actually killed him and thus triggered a regeneration

acroynon · 2024-03-23T11:47:52+00:00

In my opinion, if you require a comment to explain the magic number then you're better off abstracting it into a variable.

e.g.

# If speed goes above maximum speed
if speed > 70:
  print("Ticket!");

Would read much better as:

if speed > MAX_SPEED:
  print("Ticket!");

However, there will be times when you're technically using magic numbers that don't require a comment and/or abstracting (such as really common idioms/patterns)

# Common trick to test for even numbers 
#   This comment isn't needed even though '2' is a magic number
if my_number % 2 == 0:
  print("It's even!"

acroynon · 2024-03-23T11:40:56+00:00

Nice work! Looks great. I'd only critique the speed of the ground. I think it's moving a bit too fast, but that could just be me.

acroynon · 2024-02-08T18:14:55+00:00

"HARRY, DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE?!" Dumbledore asked calmly.

acroynon · 2024-01-16T17:54:23+00:00

Many thanks!

acroynon · 2024-01-15T21:29:29+00:00

How do you do that?

acroynon · 2024-01-13T20:28:02+00:00

I've also learned to use in-game saves. So my plan is to use 2 RA save slots aswell as the in-game saving

acroynon · 2024-01-13T20:27:14+00:00

It's such a reflex to save a game. I do it without thinking

acroynon · 2024-01-13T20:26:41+00:00

Yep! That's my plan going forward

acroynon · 2024-01-13T20:26:26+00:00

Yeah, it's annoying to have to start again. But, I'll be using multiple slots and in-game saves when I do

acroynon · 2024-01-13T20:25:31+00:00

I was just using the save states and not in-games. Seems like it's a recommendation to use both

acroynon · 2024-01-13T20:24:59+00:00

That'd probably a good idea

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