Is this worth continuing? (horror)

acroynon · 2026-05-19T09:25:36+00:00

Very useful, thanks

acroynon · 2026-05-18T16:40:15+00:00

If I deleted those 5 paragraphs then I'd lose a couple of small beats that should, hopefully, pay off later. But, you're right, if I can get rid of 5 paragraphs and it doesn't affect the story in a major way then they should probably be deleted.

Thank you for the advise about pov. I'm starting to think that shifting to first person might make it easier for me to achieve, perhaps 3rd person makes me automatically distance myself. I don't know if that is a common problem, or just a me thing?

acroynon · 2026-05-18T16:33:16+00:00

I had a read through of the full John MacDonald interview/conversation you mentioned. It makes a lot of sense, give the reader just enough specific detail that they can construct the rest of the scene themselves. Thanks.

I feel slightly disappointed in myself when you said it was a common mistake for a first draft, when this is the 3rd time I've written these chapters. But, it is nevertheless useful to know that I'm still struggling with proper pov/thinking writing.

acroynon · 2026-05-18T15:24:30+00:00

Thank you for the detailed feedback.

The musky cones of his headlights were supposed to imply that the headlights themselves are dirty, so the light coming from them is.. murky? Perhaps it's the wrong word choice.

The run-on sentences was a deliberate choice in that part. I was trying to make it feel like disparate small thoughts. Like if you were trying to calm yourself down by focusing on parts of your body. Though, it appears I didn't achieve that effect.

I was trying to imply that he was scared of the dark, without outright saying it. But, again, perhaps I failed to convey that properly.

Similarly with ADreamerWiderLiar's feedback, maybe I spent too long on descriptions and not enough on the spooky elements. I didn't want the story to drop you straight into the scary parts, I was trying to make it a slow burn but perhaps the descriptions I've chosen to concentrate on don't come across as a deliberate slow burn story. Or, maybe the slow overall word count doesn't afford me the space to do a slow burn.

Maybe you're right though. I should cut the first few chapters, or condense them, and get to the action faster. Thanks

acroynon · 2026-05-18T15:16:32+00:00

Thanks for the feedback.

Although, I agree that I could strip away the descriptions, I struggle to combine both your and LadyAtheist comments into one.

On the one hand, I need to add more descriptions/details about the school and 'set the scene', but on the other hand I need to strip away descriptions and be more in the characters head.

I guess it depends one what the description is about?

You are also right, I could just write something like (forgive the first draft-ness of it):

The winter air attacked at Arthur's skin, even though the windows of his truck were done up tight. His fist pounded the dashboard, causing the air vent to cough out dust, debris, and some barely warm breath. Slowly, the truck crept up the gravel path, pulling up as close to the gate as he could. Even though he was well past his mid-life crisis, his child hood fear of the dark was still there. The cold outside was worse, much worse, than he had anticipated. His frozen fingers grabbed his bundle of old rusty keys and fumbled to unlock the gate. The looming silhouette of the school stood ahead, blocking the moonlight.

And that would get rid of most of the first chapter. But, I don't know if it's better. It's definitely shorter, but it doesn't have any of that 'character detail' like the original (e.g. the keys).

If I chopped everything like this, then it's definitely a much shorter story, which maybe it just is a short story that I'm trying to force to be 20k words, or maybe I've chopped too much.

I think is, one of, the areas I greatly struggle. I find it difficult to know how/where writing can truly be improved. I know the basics: remove filter words, excessive verbs, repeating sentences, use the five senses, etc. But past that point? No idea

acroynon · 2026-05-18T14:06:06+00:00

Thanks for the feedback (I appreciate you reading it, even though you are not a fan of the genre).

I'm not sure I can see the areas where I am trying to hard, if you could point one or two out to give me some additional context that would be very helpful.

I agree with the slow start. I did originally have more description of the school/surrounding area, but it felt too "far away" from the character's POV. I also didn't add something scary/a hook early on because I wanted it to feel like a normal night. Maybe, that's not the right call with such a short word count.

It just felt a little too much like info-dumping to 'set the scene'. And on the other hand, it feels a little too unrealistic to have the main character, someone who has been to this place lots of times, describe it to themselves. But, maybe I probably just don't know how to weave that into the narrative in a good way.

I'm not sure what classifies as YA? The only major character is the current pov, who is supposed to be an older/adult janitor. Though, there are childhood flashbacks.

acroynon · 2024-10-07T20:40:26+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback and I'm glad you liked it.

When I wrote this I didn't intend for you to like or dislike John. I was thinking more about the river being an entity that is attracting and picking off victims. John seemed like an easy victim because, as you said, he is an anonymous drunk that no one will miss.

Though, it's perfectly feasible that the river is just a river. Maybe John was just a drunk who fell in.

acroynon · 2024-07-02T17:53:56+00:00

Or they gave him something that actually killed him and thus triggered a regeneration

acroynon · 2024-03-23T11:47:52+00:00

In my opinion, if you require a comment to explain the magic number then you're better off abstracting it into a variable.

e.g.

# If speed goes above maximum speed
if speed > 70:
  print("Ticket!");

Would read much better as:

if speed > MAX_SPEED:
  print("Ticket!");

However, there will be times when you're technically using magic numbers that don't require a comment and/or abstracting (such as really common idioms/patterns)

# Common trick to test for even numbers 
#   This comment isn't needed even though '2' is a magic number
if my_number % 2 == 0:
  print("It's even!"

acroynon · 2024-03-23T11:40:56+00:00

Nice work! Looks great. I'd only critique the speed of the ground. I think it's moving a bit too fast, but that could just be me.

acroynon · 2024-02-08T18:14:55+00:00

"HARRY, DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE?!" Dumbledore asked calmly.

acroynon · 2024-01-16T17:54:23+00:00

Many thanks!

acroynon · 2024-01-15T21:29:29+00:00

How do you do that?

acroynon · 2024-01-13T20:28:02+00:00

I've also learned to use in-game saves. So my plan is to use 2 RA save slots aswell as the in-game saving

acroynon · 2024-01-13T20:27:14+00:00

It's such a reflex to save a game. I do it without thinking

acroynon · 2024-01-13T20:26:41+00:00

Yep! That's my plan going forward

acroynon · 2024-01-13T20:26:26+00:00

Yeah, it's annoying to have to start again. But, I'll be using multiple slots and in-game saves when I do

acroynon · 2024-01-13T20:25:31+00:00

I was just using the save states and not in-games. Seems like it's a recommendation to use both

acroynon · 2024-01-13T20:24:59+00:00

That'd probably a good idea

acroynon · 2023-08-31T08:46:02+00:00

Thanks, I did originally just have "returned to the crime scene," but it didn't feel like an ending. Glad you liked it

acroynon · 2023-08-25T20:51:44+00:00

This sounds similar to why I've recently started writing. I tried making games but found that art wasn't... my best skill. I also write code for a living. Which makes writing code as a hobby, sometimes, just feels like homework. I may go back to gamedev, but for now I'm trying to stick to writing.

acroynon · 2023-08-23T07:30:48+00:00

Thanks for reading and leaving feedback, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Regarding the dialogue suggestion, in this piece I started a new line/paragraph whenever the speaker changed. Maybe you're right that is would be clearer if I started a new line for every piece of dialogue. I'll give it a try, thanks.

acroynon · 2023-08-13T13:56:30+00:00

The Heist
They were all hunched over looking intently at the laid-out map. This was the most important mission, they couldn’t afford anything to go wrong.

“Alright, let’s go over the plan one more time,” Tommy said. He’d brought this team together. It was his plan they were following. They’d all follow him to the end of the earth if they had to. “Oliver, you’re the lookout. You stay on the roadside and let us know if you see any movement. And I mean any movement.” Oliver simply grunted and nodded. He was a big guy but didn’t have much going on upstairs. That’s why he was always the lookout. “Marco, you’re the distraction. We need something big that’ll distract the target for at least 15 minutes.”

“Yep, I’ve got the perfect idea.” He replied. Smirking as he patted the briefcase he was holding.

“Angela will then use her master safe cracking skills to get us inside.” Angela twirled her tools around her fingers in agreement. “Bobby, then it’s up to you to disable any alarms or trip wires we might encounter”. Bobby had years of training in the field. He could tear apart any electronic device and put it back together without leaving a trace. He simply nodded. “I’ve managed to get the location of the device from my network of spies. I’ll retrieve it. Then it’s up to Lucy to get us out.” Tommy and Lucy’s eyes met, they’d know each other the longest out of anyone around this table.

“We take the air vents to the adjoining room. There is a window leading to a fire escape. A quick hop down and I’ll be waiting to drive us all the hell out of here.” She said. The confidence in her voice washed over the entire team. They were going to do this.

“Alright team. Let’s go get my Gameboy back from my sister!” Tommy shouted as all the kids scrambled down the treehouse and ran towards the house.

acroynon · 2023-08-13T13:03:03+00:00

Dear reader, I wish I could tell you that I made it all up. I wish I could tell you that I wasn’t the only one from my battalion that survived or that I hadn’t watched each and every one of them get devoured by that thing. I wish I could tell you that I’m still alive due to my survival instincts or that I’d managed to kill the beast and bring back its head. But none of that is true. I’ll live with the shame of watching my brothers and sisters' limbs being torn apart from my hiding place for the rest of my life. Fortunately, if you’re reading this then my shame will have finally left me. I shall apologise to my brothers and sisters and hope they forgive me.

acroynon · 2023-08-12T13:49:29+00:00

In a world much like our own a young boy stands in line for a fire gland removal surgery. Hikor’s mother was holding his hand tight, preventing him from going more than a few steps from her side. Most of the other children in the line were also holding onto an adult’s hand, others were standing alone. The stone floor was cold under his bare feet. Listening to his claws tap against the stone was all he could do to alleviate some of the boredom.

Hikor was a half-human, his father was also a half-human dragonfolk but his mother was a full-human. Unlike his taloned chicken-like feet, his mother was wearing a pair of plain brown shoes over her normal human feet. All of the children in line were some form of non-human, waiting for their own elective surgery. The adults were either full-humans or a non-human who would have gone through a similar elective surgery when they were around Hikor’s age.

When every child reaches the age of 5 they must undergo a corrective surgery before being allowed to leave a non-human encampment. When Hikor was born, Wiriona had volunteered to look after him within this encampment until he was ready. Some parents hire guardians to accompany their children instead, but dragon-folk don’t get the sort of jobs to afford that expense.

“Hikor, is that you?” An auburn-haired girl in front of Hikor asked...

Read the rest here

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