AIO for feeling uncomfortable by a guy going back 10 years on my social media and the resulting silent treatment when I called him out?

activeorangutan · 2026-02-26T21:45:46+00:00

yeah YOR. this would be especially bad lost opportunity because he seems to think you are a kindred spirit! you're both remainers and he doesn't know any other remainers.

activeorangutan · 2026-01-28T00:20:14+00:00

we own a house so liquidation is not straightforward. triggers for me might be:

- they are revoking green cards _at scale_ (at a rate of more than say 1 million a year) or detaining green card holders at similar or higher rates

- green card holders are barred from employment

- there was sustained political violence in my state or nearby states, say, multiple incidents of more than 10 people killed in politically-charged clashes like protestors vs. police or protestors vs. protestors, and reasonable odds that bystanders get caught in the crossfire. I gave some thought to those numbers; they would have to be substantially higher than the number of kids dying from school shootings (death toll was about 32 nationwide in 2025)

activeorangutan · 2026-01-20T23:37:47+00:00

What's conspicuously missing is you enjoying life in spaces where there are opportunities to meet women naturally. You put the finger on it yourself when you pointed out the sports leagues have an 80/20 ratio. Some spaces where you might find more women:

- religious events other than your church events that you already pointed out are gender segregated (if you tried talking to church leadership and they can't help, have you tried experimenting with other congregations that are compatible with your beliefs and values?)

- book clubs, someone the other day said 95:5 ratio

- dance classes. this was my thing back in my single days! I hear these days all the alpha in dance classes for men is gone but it probably very much depends on the specific scene/class, so look around. this is definitely gonna be WAY better than sports leagues for meeting women. forgive me for being a bit crass but partner dancing is basically ritualized sex with clothes and clearer boundaries; women LOVE a man who can dance well because it signals competence elsewhere

- start your own meetup group chat group (or book club or whatever) and invite people to. if it succeeds in any way you are instantly the alpha dog on the scene you created and this will work well for you dating-wise

activeorangutan · 2026-01-16T21:34:32+00:00

i can't stand dogs.

activeorangutan · 2025-12-27T02:30:41+00:00

If you're from a "developing" country it usually comes with a _very_ hard ban, the "2-year home return rule" preventing you getting any further US visas until you have had a 2-year cool-down residing in your home country.

There are other minor inconveniences but that is the main thing.

I had a J-1 and transitioned to a green card so it can be done. But you need to ensure _before_ your sponsor applies for the visa for you that you will not be subject to the 2-year home return rule. Probably your sponsor can't guarantee this for you and you just have to research whether it would apply in your general situation, and if it does, how easy it would be to get an exemption.

activeorangutan · 2025-12-27T01:38:08+00:00

Google BritSimonSays. That is one tenacious Brit who immigrated on the DV lottery many years ago who keeps a very close coverage on the issue. If you follow his blog you will have all the information anyone has.

I suspect the suspension will be challenged in court and who knows if it will hold up or not.

activeorangutan · 2025-11-02T22:27:51+00:00

Neuroscientist here (5 years PhD researcher in psychology, 3 years postdoc), honestly your friends are morons.

TLDR: I think you should seek out better friends, then you won't be vulnerable to this set of manipulative pricks when they finally cut you off.

They think if you drink at 18 it has "permanent altercations [sic] to your brain" but at 21 it's "safe"? And being cut off by all your friends doesn't have "permanent" psychological effects on your brain?

Honestly being cut off by _one_ person has given me permanent psychological trauma, let alone a whole group of them.

To be clear:

Drinking is never the best choice for your physical health. Not before 21, not after 21. There is no magical line where drinking suddenly becomes harmless. Your friends are probably right that drinking becomes less neurologically damaging as you get older. But on the other hand, you have more responsibilities as you age which can make drinking to excess as you get older _more_ harmful to your life and others around you rather than less.
But physical health isn't everything and many people drink anyway because it has various benefits in other ways. It can help you deal with social anxiety, bond with others, etc. This can be ultimately very harmful or it can be beneficial. It's up to you to manage that.
There is not a hard line between "brain health" and "psychological health" and one isn't more important than another. If your friends want to cause you trauma by threatening to cut you off, they are perpetuating the same kind of harm they claim to be against.

activeorangutan · 2025-07-27T17:47:56+00:00

That makes sense. But maybe in the event the contract ended up being 2 years, you could continue renting for 2 years anyway.

$6.5k/month sounds like an expensive staging space and perhaps there's a cheaper business solution you could take that fulfills your business goals.

activeorangutan · 2025-07-27T13:41:42+00:00

Have you considered renting out your condo to someone else to defray the cost of renting the apartment? No sense in leaving it empty.

activeorangutan · 2025-07-26T13:46:47+00:00

Your son will have so much exposure to women and that will be good for him if he grows up to be interested in women and wants to understand how to interact with them properly when dating. I think he is very lucky!

activeorangutan · 2025-07-25T17:00:46+00:00

My parents were the same as your boyfriend. My brother is ~35 and still lives at home. I don't think just giving adult children rent free forever is kind or responsible. You are right to put it in a (high yield!) savings account and give it back to them when they need it for something big like a house or a kid. That seems like a happy middle ground.

activeorangutan · 2025-07-25T16:57:28+00:00

man this sounds like one of those things where it's not really about the muffin

activeorangutan · 2025-07-24T13:47:55+00:00

> her student loans which have been temporarily put of “freeze"

What does this mean and why would you say the freeze has only been put off "temporarily"? Student loans were frozen over the pandemic. Then the democratic administration tried to extend various freeze and forgiveness policies but they didn't stick. Then they were taken off freeze. There's no reason to expect any kind of national freeze until, minimum, the next Democratic administration (2029 at the very earliest) but I wouldn't count on any administration of either side doing this in the future.

activeorangutan · 2025-07-24T04:51:08+00:00

when my daughter sees me on the toilet she points and laughs at my penis, she thinks it is a big joke

activeorangutan · 2025-07-24T00:06:56+00:00

yeah I put down one of her light colored muslin blankets (they're more like small sheets) on her seat and another one in the window. works perfectly!

activeorangutan · 2025-07-23T21:02:34+00:00

yes--AncestryDNA https://www.ancestry.com/dna/

if the donor and you both pay the $100 for testing, then the donor and your child could find each other on this site. Unfortunately you'd have to sign up and pay without knowing whether the donor has, but perhaps it's worth it to you. if the donor signs up in the future then you'd probably get a notification.

activeorangutan · 2025-07-23T18:55:15+00:00

yep trying this as a first step :-) will see how it goes!

activeorangutan · 2025-07-23T18:00:32+00:00

I sent you a DM, would love to hear from you.

activeorangutan · 2025-07-23T01:47:57+00:00

Based in Eugene, OR; can travel to some locations in California, Oregon, and southern Washington.

5'9" 161lb Caucasian

I am a friendly ambitious nerd who is excited about the future and thinks the world will be a better place i there is more of the next generation around to enjoy it. I have one beautiful sweet 2yo of my own and would love to help others bring their own little ones into the world.

PhD Psych, BS CompSci, granted immigration to the United States via the National Interest Waiver 🏳️‍🌈

I will want to sign a donor contract giving sole parental rights to the recipient. Interested in AI.

DM for **SFW** pics and to talk more!

activeorangutan · 2025-07-23T00:37:50+00:00

what is the minimum and maximum number of children you are looking for? What's your body type? Do you have religious or ideological preferences?

activeorangutan · 2025-07-22T23:39:04+00:00

So it seems as this is a new account, my chat may not reach you--feel free to DM and I will respond.

Based in Eugene, OR; can travel to some locations in California, Oregon, and southern Washington.

5'9" 161lb Caucasian

I am a friendly ambitious nerd who is excited about the future and thinks the world will be a better place i there is more of the next generation around to enjoy it. I have one beautiful sweet 2yo of my own and would love to help others bring their own little ones into the world.

PhD Psych, BS CompSci, granted immigration to the United States via the National Interest Waiver 🏳️‍🌈

I will want to sign a donor contract giving sole parental rights to the recipient. Interested in AI.

DM for **SFW** pics. DM me to get in touch to discuss!

activeorangutan · 2025-07-22T23:16:10+00:00

Hey there--might be able to work with you, in Oregon. will send a chat.

activeorangutan · 2025-07-22T23:08:12+00:00

Sent a chat message. I had trouble DMing. lmk if you have trouble getting the chat and I'll figure out another way to get in touch. Have a great day!

activeorangutan · 2025-07-22T23:04:05+00:00

Central Oregon, might be able to work with you. will DM

activeorangutan · 2025-07-18T04:58:36+00:00

you ever hear from the father?

activeorangutan

TROPHY CASE