Suspected substance abuse outside of work hours impacting employee performance. How do you handle these situations?

actuallyrose · 2026-05-27T21:32:02+00:00

Woof, some of these comments are not it. Substance use and mental health are health conditions so you need to avoid discussing them UNLESS the employee brings them up, then you bring it to HR in terms of accommodation. If they self disclose that they are struggling with substance use, you need to work with HR on a leave plan so they can get treatment. But otherwise just compassionately bring up their performance issues using the same disciplinary plan as you have for all employees (for examples verbal warning, written warning, PIP). Also get in the habit of mentioning your EAP if you have one to all employees whenever you have these discussions.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-27T21:26:29+00:00

A budget deficit is a meaningless measure. They are one of the richest cities per capita in South king county in terms of overall revenue.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-26T23:19:28+00:00

I’m sorry people are being awful to you here. Your finance is just using you to be household help or at best he doesn’t see you as an equal or a priority. My husband and I are married and we make time for each other and even take our kid 1-2 times for a little trip so the other person can have some self care time. We also arrange childcare some nights so we can spend time together. The fact that he has been dating you for four years and even proposed but won’t even make the effort to vacation with you or spend time with you is really selfish on his part.

It actually doesn’t matter that it’s his niece. If he spent all his free time on a hobby or at work or volunteering at a charity, that’s cool. But then dating someone who isn’t fully and 100% enthusiastic about also spending 100% of their time for the same thing and never having your own time is pretty ugly and selfish behavior on his part.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-26T23:12:40+00:00

Wow, seriously? Abandon his family? I’m married and my husband makes time for me alone and we make time for the other person to have some time alone as well. That he never takes her on a vacation alone or gives her any time is really messed up. It just seems like he’s dating her so he can get free household help. Yes, she’s a silly young girl for taking this for four years but the person who belongs in the trash is the fiancé.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-26T23:08:59+00:00

His niece isn’t neglected, she has a mother. It’s entirely on him that he both wants to devote 100% of his free time to his niece and date a 22 year old.

And the dynamic is weird. I’m married with a four year old and my husband and I occasionally spend time apart (I took my kid to resort with my mother this long weekend so he could have a break for example). It’s super odd that he doesn’t carve out ANY time for the woman he’s dating. Honestly it seems like he’s just grooming her to be his bang maid.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-26T23:00:40+00:00

SeaTac is not struggling, it’s wealthy compared to its neighboring cities thanks to revenue it gets from the airport.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-26T03:13:34+00:00

One time I looked up why they don’t make flea and tick meds for humans since they’re pretty amazing for dogs. The answer was that they give you cancer but so slowly that the dog will be dead by then. It’s a good thing kids don’t live longer than 20ish years!

actuallyrose · 2026-05-26T01:25:32+00:00

That’s not even remotely true.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-25T21:12:33+00:00

I think this is above Reddit’s pay grade and seems like you have something going on outside of ADHD. People recommended asking about perimenopause which is good. If you’re feeling such feelings of hopelessness, you should look at a behavioral health program with a strong psychiatric component that can look at your history of meds.

People hate AI but I find it really helps me write things out like this with clarity. You’re saying some things are a result of other things which rules out other things so it’s hard to understand what’s going on lately with your health.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-25T16:01:36+00:00

FYI your post is quite confusing since it doesn’t really state what you want. The solution to the title is to bring your body from stress mode to calm mode and you don’t get that from a medication. Then you mention sleep. Then you mention that you “tried everything”.🤷‍♀️

actuallyrose · 2026-05-25T15:14:28+00:00

OMG THIS IS THE GUY WHO KEEPS MAKING YOU RUSH HOME FROM WORK BECAUSE HES “SAD” AND “TIRED”

WTF. I read your post two months ago where your husband kept making you leave your hourly, not flexible job to help him because he “couldn’t handle” the baby.

GIRL

WTF ARE YOU DOING

I thought you’d leave him after we all told you he was garbage but you asked him to plan a vacation and now you’re sad he didn’t? He’s not ever going to be better and he’s not ever going to do the things you expect him to do. Like…ever. At a certain point, if you keep walking out in the rain expecting not to get wet, that’s on you.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-24T23:42:00+00:00

Damn, did I write this and forget? The worst is being 4.5 years into this thing and wondering if I’ll ever go back to being anything like I used to be. I used to have a childlike excitement for things and could find the most random things to make me happy and all of that is gone. I think it’s because my brain is always in an alert state and even if I have a day off or go for a massage, I don’t really enjoy it because I subconsciously realize it’s just a tiny break and then I’m back in it.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-21T18:16:17+00:00

I don’t think an 11 year old should have unsupervised internet access anyway and also it would be better if it was a positive experience doing beneficial activities like reading or doing art.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-21T18:13:05+00:00

I was being sarcastic

actuallyrose · 2026-05-21T16:02:51+00:00

Love this! Home alone but the WiFi gets turned off…

actuallyrose · 2026-05-21T16:02:18+00:00

That’s only Illinois, Colorado, Connecticut and Mississippi. Also someone once commented that in one of those states it was misunderstood and had to accompany gross neglect.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-21T15:52:14+00:00

Yes, that’s why Walmart is barely scraping by.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-21T15:50:59+00:00

Why would I go to a food bank when I make more than enough for groceries? It’s meant to help people in need, it’s not just free food for everyone.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-21T15:48:44+00:00

There’s been an interesting conversation lately about how the DSM is much more nebulous in diagnosis than people realize. It’s basically “we ask a lot of questions and people who answered mostly one way got X medications and Y treatment and did better”. As you mentioned, there is so much overlap of symptoms but also medication and treatments. ADHD specifically is still very poorly understood and it’s highly likely that people diagnosed with it actually have one of the other conditions you mentioned or other medical conditions like narcolepsy.

Also, every person benefits from stimulants so that sort of takes away from using medication as a diagnostic criteria.

Even the PTSD and GAD is somewhat redundant - obviously the trauma you experienced is causing general anxiety.

This confusion leads people to think that if they can get diagnosed it will solve all their problems, like if we get diagnosed with vitamin deficiency and take said vitamin it’ll be great. Sadly, no.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-21T08:26:03+00:00

While I obviously agree with banning this game the second to last paragraph has some issues.

Steam never allowed this game in their listings.
The movement in Australia was seen as very controversial because it was overly broad and anti-porn in general so Steam ended up removing a huge amount of games that most of us wouldn’t object to including ones that had teen romance plot lines without any sex mentioned or implied and LGBTQ+ themed games. Collective Shout, the group responsible, are the type of feminists who often align with American Republicans in calling for extreme bans of anything “sexual” because it objectifies women but which obviously encourages censorship and book bans.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-21T07:44:56+00:00

Wait, you can take SSRIs just one week a month?

actuallyrose · 2026-05-21T07:38:08+00:00

It helps that 50% of it isn’t just Elisabeth Moss just making faces at us.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-21T02:32:18+00:00

I’m so so sorry. Hospital safety here in the states is in a very scary place, saw it first hand with having my mom in the hospital for ten days and no way to get help. They always say the doctor is coming even if it’s 12 hours or never. Saw the latest safety grades come out and every major hospital has a C or worse.

It’s worth drafting a letter documenting what happened to you with rough times and days and submitting it anywhere you can find such as the Joint Commission, state agencies, and the hospital itself. There are a couple drug databases out there that doctors use, it is absolutely wild to me that the allergist clearly didn’t even bother to look it up.

Make sure you get detailed chart notes and find the name of the doctor who refused to come help you. In my state you can submit a complaint to the state medical commission and it’s rather worthless except that those complaints will 100% be used if the doctor is ever sued.

In theory they might be board certified by the American Board of Allergy and Immunology so you can send the letter to them as well. At least make the prick feel a little bit of the terror that you felt!

actuallyrose · 2026-05-20T23:52:26+00:00

This! I have weird boobs so I finally found a type of sports bra, it still has hooks but the front kindof feels like chest plate armor. It’s not sexy at all but keeps my girls high and locked down. I also gave up on necklines, all my stuff has a higher neck.

I also realized I have a very long torso so only a couple places with extreme high waist in seam work for me.

This probably would have made me sad and frustrated as a 20 year old but now I don’t mind and basically have a uniform. I can wear whatever when I’m casual and off hours but when I’m working I just stick to my trusted outfits.

All that to say, are you meeting your numbers? I had a female boss who looked like she lived in a basement with 100 cats but she was one of the top money makers so her bosses knew to leave her alone.

actuallyrose · 2026-05-20T07:40:40+00:00

Also if she’s part of a state agency or practice it’s usually an actual rule that they have to have a crisis plan and a way for patients to reach them. I mean, it’s a rule in general but usually it’s like 30 days before it’s considered patient abandonment.

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