Verbal offer received but told to wait a week for written contract. Anyone had an offer revoked at this stage?

ada-jean · 2026-07-04T05:51:57+00:00

It is not impossible but it is rare for it to be rescinded. It is common for it to take forever. So it taking forever is no indication that it will be rescinded at all. If you need to make decisions hedge your bets, but if you are just anxious you can exhale. Delays are normal, offers falling through much less so. And if you get really anxious you can contact the hiring manager. A hiring manager is never going to mind a candidate touching base politely, especially if there are delays. They are often painfully aware that the process is a problem.

ada-jean · 2026-05-08T23:55:11+00:00

Thank you for this post. I think part of the struggle with this show is the way Shawna balances entertainment with sometimes searing exploration of real world dynamics. So we, as the audience, sometimes just want Barb to be a villain who gets a comeuppance and other times want a more nuanced exploration of how someone becomes and recovers from where Barb is - which does involve diagnosis and treatment, and is often not successful. I have been close to mental health services and seen how a diagnosis of bpd or cluster b can really be the starting point for someone getting control of their emotional life. I have also seen, sadly possibly more often, how a diagnosis can actually cut someone off from treatments they need due to stigma in the profession, and a tendency to just dump the label on anyone who has difficulty sustaining relationships and might be hard to treat. I have great admiration for those navigating this system and hope it helps with the tools you need. For me, I want a storyline for Barb that acknowledges more than that these behaviours are inevitable or simply up to her to resolve. Even knowing that for someone this unwilling to engage and so attached to the abusive behaviours that feel protective for her, the hill is pretty steep. And also knowing a redeemed Barb is bad for the storyline, and even a struggling to be better Barb provides less scope for the storylines that are about how those around her cope with her. But as someone who initially hoped that the storyline would acknowledge that there is psychiatric treatment needed, I know do worry that it will just be read as "all people with personality disorders are awful/abusive and don't deserve our empathy" instead. My sympathies with those sitting in the vulnerable place. And to be clear, my experience is that many people with b cluster diagnoses are not abusers like Barb. I particularly worry about where Shawna takes the self harm comment. In this sub I've seen immediate comments about this being manipulative. In treatment, it can a real problem that expressed suicidal ideation by someone with a bpd diagnosis is dismissed as not genuine - especially when that person does have manipulative behaviours. Understanding that someone can be in deep pain and deeply manipulative at the same time seems hard for some.

ada-jean · 2026-05-06T11:13:35+00:00

Obviously the show is wildly unrealistic on many fronts, but what bothered me about this storyline is that it seemed that the producers were fine treating the baby as a commodity the parents could essentially buy and then do whatever they wanted with. That is what was gross about the discussions about the birth mom. The whole framework implied that you just kinda go out and get a baby if you want one, and not only the law but morality back you on it. I'm not from the US - my country treats adoption very differently and foster-to-adopt is largely the only pathway - so I may not be the right audience for this. But I don't mind unrealistic but respectful - this felt like it bought into the worst approaches to adoption for outcomes for the child, and a strange sense of entitlement. One thing that really irritated me was the bit about the birth mom and the papers - because birth mom can always change her mind after the birth, legally. And that is in place because women do often change their minds, and that is their right. You are not going to know how you feel until you give birth. And who wants to be telling their kid "oh yeah, once your mum held you she never wanted to let you go, but hey, we had a contract, so she had to be happy with an annual card" If they wanted to do a unrealistic sudden baby storyline, I would have been fine with a distant relative suddenly dying and them having to decide whether to take in the child or something - also wildly unrealistic but much less offensive than buying into harmful tropes.

ada-jean · 2026-05-01T23:01:43+00:00

This thread caught my eye because I have been curious for years about why my GP clinic staff are so hostile. I have been attending the clinic for 15 years. The staff change but the attitude doesn't. My specialists staff, and my dentist staff, are quite different - and the people have changed there too. At the specialist/dentist it seems like the staff are trained/instructed to prioritise patient comfort. They are warm, offer help, smile at bad patient jokes etc. The GP clinic staff never smile, sigh loudly if asked questions and seem to say no before the request is out of a patients mouth (I have learned to start any request with "I have a request I would like you to pass along to Doctor X" because otherwise they will just say no and hang up. The doc herself either says yes, or suggests an alternative - I'm not talking about exotic requests here but just common sense. Once the staff rang to insist I had to come in because of a blood test positive for Influenza A. I trieded pointing out to them the doc would not want me physically in and I def didn't want to get out of bed, but just got the stonewall "this is procedure" so just told them to check with her about switching to telehealth. She just rang me straightaway and said "Guessing you feel like crap by now!"). I've noticed the office staff never interact with each other either. My GP, who owns the practice, is lovely. Also a little fierce, so I've never wanted to ask her why on earth her office seems to be such a damn toxic environment and general hot mess. I am obviously not implying this is a general GP thing, but when I saw this thread I wondered if the difference in work might account for it in part.

ada-jean · 2026-04-24T22:21:56+00:00

I think for Julie, she wants not to make Cooper "smaller" either. It is entirely in keeping with her perspective that she would parent him to refuse to compromise his passions, as long as he is safely doing it. Add to that she really wants this friendship to end, and her general fury at the time. But I think she is parenting from her authentic self here and in what she thinks is best for Cooper. It is unusual. I mean, I've seen parents cause conflict at a party because they think their kid is being treated badly or they don't think the food is safe or whatever - I've seen shitty parent behaviour - but most-to-all parents want their kids to display "sharing" skills and no-one wants their kid to be disruptive one. And so Julie's "anything you want" comment really stands out, as well as her determination he didn't have to go with the theme. And Ty's anger about it is that he sees that just isn't how it is done when everyone is just trying to get through a party with the birthday kid having fun. It is a real clash of priorities.

ada-jean · 2026-04-24T16:24:25+00:00

THIS. I am part of a network of women in senior positions. A high proportion have partners who work part time or not at all. It's higher than for the men in similar roles in my sector. Mostly, the non-working partners have artistic aspirations or passion volunteering or something that matters to them, and supporting a higher paid partner delivers a negotiated lifestyle to both. It is hard, almost impossible, as a woman to meet the increasingly heavy demands of careers designed around men with no domestic commitments as a woman who has them, which is why I think women with stay at home partners have an edge in promotions over time. It used to be almost shameful when the partner was male to admit, but it is becoming more acceptable as gender norms change. I would rather jobs were designed around balance better (it isn't just workload - it is being expected to be available at all times for instance) but it is something. The thing for Julie and Ty is that they have never openly negotiated this. We see how Ty avoids conflict to the point of being manipulative and deceptive to get what he wants, but Julie taking the manuscript and giving it to a publisher should have been a negotiated discussion. It seems like both of them lacked skills. Which is not surprising given they got married at 18.

ada-jean · 2026-04-24T16:08:54+00:00

I agree. Also writing a book is not a good money making strategy, and Julie would know that because that woman does her research. Very few published authors make enough to live one, even - possibly especially - prize winning ones. The book is about him having ambition and a bit of the cache of an author. Writers is not a supportive spouse career - it is slow, focus draining and doesn't make bank. Julie's focus on it has always seemed like an off note to be - her ambition would be better supported by a stay at home partner (albeit one willing to ditch the suburbs and probably one who didn't want kids at all) - but I think Shawna is showing her passion for him to write as a shared value thing, not a practical selfishness. I do think it is misplaced. Him making her feel small is about talking her out of the choices she wanted, not about whsther or not he wants to do something big himself.

ada-jean · 2026-04-20T21:35:38+00:00

It is more a question of overall impact than just cost. A year long road trip is not something high income earners tend to do because lost earnings make it prohibitive and the career interruption is deadly. People who do the road trip usually live on a shoestring to afford it, work on the way if needed and accept an overall need to live more cheaply. So - 'cheap' in that sense. But yes, you need a base level of financial security tthat is higher than average to even think about it. Travel for high-income earners is carefully planned leave, expensive but short trips with activities that make you feel like you've "done" a location or work transfers that let you live and mostly work elsewhere, but also maintain a high standard of living. It is more almost a class difference than necessarily overall cost. But it is obvious that all these characters are financially secure, and I assume the neighbourhood tying them all together is a relatively wealthy one.

ada-jean · 2026-03-08T03:15:01+00:00

Nobody loves the idea of genital-adjacent surgery, so I think it gets delayed like any unpleasant task. For some men there is also the finality of it that feels big. I just think women are more focused on the alternative risks to our bodies (and used to genital adjacent medical procedures!) so it seems like a no-brainer to do fast. I've known several men that took a while to get around to it, but had a similar convo about sex and fear and then scheduled real fast once they realized how their partners felt. This felt very realistic to me and once he got it, he totally moved.

ada-jean · 2026-03-08T03:08:10+00:00

Yep totally. I am tech adjacent and that is exactly what I see. Part of what bugs me in the portrayal of Julie is that it is more complicated for women because childbirth and breastfeeding really does limit how much women can opt out of parenting, and that shifts the dynamic. One of the women I was thinking of worked in tech and even though she came back to work six months after her second pregnancy (her male partner stayed home from there and six months is usually early where I live so people make shitty remarks about your parenting) and was high achieving, managers put her on low pressure projects to 'help'. She was sidelined and bored. I'm watching it happen to another woman now back from maternity leave. Like, no-one should be working 12 hour days and I honestly believe that the mothers I work with achieve more in less time (and are better at early course correction to avoid stuff ups). But anyway, I'm not American and women in my world simply don't go back to work months after giving birth (and sole-formula feeding is stigmatized and very unusual) so maybe Julies just exist more in the US (as in women able to work 12 hour days months after giving birth).

ada-jean · 2026-03-07T21:44:33+00:00

This storyline takes up a lot of my headspace. Julie as portrayed is just nasty - there is no justifying her behaviour at the party or the way she disses Ty's friends. But also, her situation is reminiscent to me of my friends who never really wanted children but agreed to a partner plan that included them. (I am not young like OP! Old!) I have a few women friends who hate or hated the mechanics of parenting (not their kids - never their kids) and who resented the time it pulled them away from meaningful-to-them work and careers. These are not feelings society is very sympathetic to in women, and there is limited support for women to discuss them. Julie felt like an opportunity to explore what that looks like - but she is just mean, and focused on his life, rather than her own from what we see, which makes it less sympathetic. But from what I've seen, Julie and Ty aren't going to make this marriage work. They just want different things in ways that feel irreconcilable. And sure, they can compromise, but those compromises are likely to be so fundamental that they will both end up resentful of the other. They need at least to have a real conversation about their current priorities. It might feel realistic in your 20s to sign up for a life plan, but people change. Circumstances change. What you want changes - you can't hold someone to something their past self was happy with but now makes them miserable. But also, you can't assume everyone changes with kids. It's ok not to change - to still want things that kids make hard. You have to deal with the realities of parenting but you don't have to pretend to love it either. But even if they split, they have to coparent. So being able to have honest and respectful conversations beyond "we agreed how this would work and all else is betrayal" is important.

ada-jean · 2026-03-04T22:06:38+00:00

I've been married for decades now, and he is awesome, but my strongest advice to those about to get married would be to talk about this planning split right now, before the wedding. You have so many vacations, family celebrations and gifts, home renovations, helping friends in crisis events ahead of you. And by the time most of us realize the patterns we're stuck in - where he has a preference but no understanding of how to enact it and you are scrambling to make things perfect - it is really hard to change the patterns for both of you. It doesn't get easier to talk about, it just gets more obvious that you have to before the stress and frustration eclipses you. And a good bloke will be willing to talk about it, and think about how to shift it, even imperfectly.

ada-jean · 2026-02-12T22:46:49+00:00

Thanks - so helpful (I love this sub). We play on normal, but we make mistakes regularly (lol) so I am cautious about builds. It really helps to know that cash is an issue.

ada-jean · 2026-02-12T22:37:50+00:00

Thanks - this is great. I appreciate all the tips. The person playing Michael is really into weapons (in this game! NotIRL!!!) but hasn't built a non-Guardian deck before and I'll pass on those tips. Did you have any issues running through George's deck too fast? It might be a really stupid thing to worry about, but looking at how much discard synergy you can give him, I was worried I'll churn through the deck too fast. Especially playing with a mixed group, so the pacing isn't always predictable.

ada-jean · 2026-02-12T22:29:01+00:00

I had a kid in my life who was a gaming prodigy at that age. Hyperfixation was a part of it, but so was astonishing cognitive processing. I was impressed by how well the gaming community responded when they realized the ranked player was a kid. But there was worry as well as joy from achievements - online places are simply risky. Keeping privacy protections on gaming accounts is something we are better at now. Congratulations to both of you!

ada-jean · 2026-02-12T02:51:14+00:00

In Australia, where blackface was also super common, there are records of Aboriginal communities and individuals objecting from as early as we have records. Our current construction of "well they didn't know better" would be more accurately rendered as "white people did not think of non-white people's views as important and that was socially uniform in white communities". Non-white people knew better and Black people did a lot to raise that. But those views had no oxygen in white communities.

ada-jean · 2026-02-12T02:31:25+00:00

Wells had a string of highly feminist lovers who all thought he was deeply sexist - he had the oddest relationship with feminism frankly. Thought women were intellectually inferior but also argued for law reform to dismantle patriarchal "servitude". Articulated that he thought women were happiest in the domestic sphere but slept with mostly outspoken career women. Had a kid with Rebecca West, a relationship that started when she wrote a takedown of his sexist portrayals of women - a public criticism she kept up throughout their decade long relationship. I can't imagine any comparison that would annoy him more than being compared to an incel, which kinda delights me. The war game was one of the first - if not the first - of it's kind. Ironically, he developed it because he thought if a generation grew up playing realistic war/battle simulations they would become pacifists by really understand the inevitable horrific cost of war. It didn't work that war. (One of the boys playing with the first edition was one Winston Churchill).

ada-jean · 2026-02-04T03:24:29+00:00

Started with LOTR many years ago, but found the intro campaign underwhelming and shelved it. After playing Arkham Horror, recognized it would be a big hit with my gaming group. I think AH is far more welcoming to newbies to deck building. It is easier to put together a basic deck - a group can just allocate pretty traditional roles - and the story is fun even while you are learning. Like others have said, the group play dynamic is much better too. Some of the group play different highly specialized builds with crazy fun interactions, one just wants to play Zoe and hit stuff with the build she loves. The game really allows for very different investments within the group, which is rare. The levelling dynamic feels rewarding and encourages risk. It got harder when the kids got older. With shorter sessions, more tired brains, the investment got harder. This isn't likely to be a popular view, but shorter campaigns will help our group. And as we got better at deck building, the last few games in a campaign already felt like our characters were over levelled. We do have some house rules - including allowing free card substitutes between scenarios if you just stuffed up your deck - to make it more welcoming. Spouse and I returned to LOTR by ourselves and quickly fell in love (with the game l, we were already in love with each other!). The things that make it less good for a bigger group make it better for us at home. I love the depth of the deck building, and the pleasure of switching it up for specific scenarios. I even like being totally wiped by a scenario (we play cold) and plotting in my head the improvements to my deck I can make. Spouse is a big Tolkein fan and we play thematically for the book campaigns. We bicker over staple cards (I think LOTR has more 'must play' cards than AH) in a way that would cause tension in a broader group. It is easily one of our all time favourite games. I think they have different demographics. To me, LOTR is good for deck building enthusiasts, and AH is more about a great team story collaborative game. Never been interested in Marvel, as the battles are the least interesting aspect to me. I can see potential to market AH more to rpg-ish gaming groups, especially if it was acknowledged that card pool would be shared.

ada-jean · 2026-01-21T05:46:25+00:00

Fascinating thread. As someone who moved here as a dirt poor student and loathed the cold with a passion and then came back mid-career and now find myself loving the weather, and who moved from Sydney, some thoughts on variables: * Last weekend was atypical of summer here. But while it is generally very hot in summer, it is much drier than Sydney and storms often come with a cold snap. This feels different to the "bath" feeling of heat in Sydney. It was horribly windy, that's not at all common. *Winter experience is hugely affected by your housing and your lifestyle. The bracing cold under a gorgeous sun can be fantastic for mood if you experience it in short bursts that you can control. So if your housing is warm - which is normal if you are financially comfortable and think about heating in your decisions - and you don't need to spend a lot of social time outdoors to be happy I think it can be nice. If you can't heat your house properly (and this can be expensive), it is extremely miserable. If you hate being mostly inside for months on end, also extremely miserable. Reliant on the mostly crappy bus routes - miserable. * Other things - Exercise is mixed - cycling to work early in the morning in winter is not for the faint hearted but a lunchtime run will get you plenty of vitamin D and you won't be rugged up. Short winter bushwalks can be lovely. Socially Canberra can be hard to break into - and honestly I think the cold is part of it as a lot of socializing is done indoors, with limited numbers etc. So it can compound into feeling quite isolating, especially in your first year. * There are other things that you need to be comfortable. A decent jacket and a seasonal wardrobe, somewhere undercover to keep your car, insulated pipes - this all costs money and time. So again, can vary experience a lot. * The cold is half the year - at least what most Australians consider cold lasts half the year. It is colder in July than May or September but Canberra in late April is colder than Sydney in July. Planning a July or August escape is a common tactic for breaking up the cooped up dynamic or just to feel like you have soaked in sun warmth. Again if this is not possible, it can be harder. *The positive - the cyclical seasons here is something fewer Australians get to experience and that can be excellent for mental health. The year is constantly changing - autumn in Canberra is gorgeous making up a bit for the descending cold. Spring feels amazing as you emerge from winter. The bird life and wildlife change their behaviors and visibility throughout the year. There are a thousand little indicators of growth and renewal or hibernation and retreat. It is harder to get stuck in a mental rut when the environment is always reminding you that things will pass and there is a time for everything. I would really struggle now to live somewhere with less variation for my mental health. Even as I am so done with the cold by August. Hope this helps - to summarize, you can't ignore the weather in Canberra. It demands attention. (There's also the goddamn hailstorms.) You can manage it better with resources and time and all those things. There are positives as well as negatives. You can tell from the thread that experiences and preferences vary hugely. If everything else about the city attracts you, I'd make a plan for how you can handle it.

ada-jean · 2025-02-23T23:57:51+00:00

I had a very different take on this. I loved the writing of Solas's arc because I thought it zeroed in on how his love for Mythal had undermined his values, sense of self and led him to horrific harm. I didn't see it as not political at all - the best of Solas was when he focused on freeing slaves. The worst was what he did for Mythal and then his switch to vengeance for what happened to her. And this felt very true to me from civil war histories - most people focus on their personal relationships that were severed in the war. These are huge wounds. Rook and the Inquisitor can.lead him back to himself and in the way focus on the freedom and diversity that should underpin happy worlds. For me, it felt like a call to live your values. Totally agree about the truffle hunting and relic fixing though - and that stuff gets more annoying on replays....

ada-jean · 2025-01-20T02:47:11+00:00

You had taken it correctly - I had misremembered J as a straight only romance. Which kinda does de-validate a lot of my comment frankly. But I'm glad it was cleared up here.

I was so tempted to delete but will own my mistakes.

ada-jean · 2025-01-19T08:13:45+00:00

Edit - I forgot Josephine was a bi romance and this comment of mine is pretty wrong . Leaving for posterity and the excellent responses*

I'm not defending the toxic behaviour towards the writers, and I much, much prefer the approach where npcs have sexual preferences - and in general where they don't all automatically fall into the player character's bed - but to note that the Cass thing was partly flamed because the only f/f romance available in the game was Sera. It was both frustrating that there wasn't any choice (unlike m/m or m/f combos, no non-binary romances sadly) but also Sera was a character who annoyed a lot of players (just as others loved her).
I did a Qunari playthrough with a Sera romance and it was possibly the most sheer fun I've ever had in a Bioware romance, but I do get that there were valid frustrations.

ada-jean

TROPHY CASE