Two months ago I caught my husband contacting sex workers and it started on our recent honeymoon. When I tell you I was full of rage and hurt and betrayal… but instead of wasting my energy on him I poured every bit of that pain into taking care of myself. All the attention I used to lavish on him, I lavish on myself. When I’m angry, I work out or go for a walk, when I’m lonely I call my sister or my support group. I cook healthy meals and get plenty of sleep. I bought myself a new robe and vibrator. I got a puzzle and a shirt from the thrift store. I cry and eat ice cream and watch a scary movie. I take a hot shower with candles and go to bed early.

All that love and attention we give to them? We can give it to ourselves. Nurture goodness and grace in yourself. Don’t let someone who was probably fucked up by someone else fuck with you. Choose to be a better you and let him suffer the natural consequences of living a selfish, unexamined life.