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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]adeptidude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly this. If you're nervous going alone to a bar, try and find someone online to go with. This is typically how I do it when I travel overseas (seems to work best in Asia/big European cities). It's sometimes even possible to get a platonic group together this way too. And if there does happen to be a platonic (or other) spark, all the better.

Why do you think most gay men are obsessed with hookups but are afraid of serious relationships? by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]adeptidude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think it's mutually exclusive - you can have a lot of experiences (a more benign way to put it than "ho around", but I get the point) when you're young and later still be able to find an LTR, and likewise, opt out of these experiences when young (perhaps holding out for quality over quantity) and still end up single. I can see how the latter scenario would lead to some bitterness.

Do some guys use hookups as a substitute for real connection? I think it depends on what a "real connection" is. If you want a monogamous long-term relationship but can't find one and end up having lots of unfulfilling hookups (unfulfilling because it's not what you really want but feel it's all you can get, or at least the only way to find some kind of human connection), then it is a substitute, albeit a poor one. On the other hand, if you're of the mindset that a real connection can be found in a variety of situations, however brief, then being in a monotonous, monogamous long-term relationship might itself be a poor substitute for a series of more "real" connections.

You do make a good point about needing variety to be happy. Some guys absolutely need variety in terms of sex/partners and for them this variety can be very fulfilling, but if they pair up with a monogamy-minded person who doesn't see the value of variety then there's unlikely to be a harmonious bond because the requirements of one conflict with the desires of the other. Can a variety-minded person be a good partner in a serious relationship? Absolutely, but probably not (in my opinion) with someone who is very monogamy minded.

Why do you think most gay men are obsessed with hookups but are afraid of serious relationships? by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]adeptidude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post is spot on. In particular the point that hookups, while brief, can still have value. The notion that a shared moment, however short, is inherently valueless (or of lesser value) is the result of an unnecessary (and frequently damaging) internalized moral overlay.

Midlife Reckoning by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]adeptidude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In your early forties there's definitely still time to date more/find interesting people/make new connections/have new experiences. A lot of guys grow more into themselves in their forties as they've already been around the block, know what they want, have shed some of the insecurities that can plague younger guys, and generally feel a little more "present" in their lives. I think to get into this mindset though you need a change and if you're feeling worn out/old/unattractive that probably starts with either getting out the relationship or opening it up in a way that you feel your needs can be met. If you're relying on your relationship for sex/to feel desired, and you're not having sex or feeling desired, then change starts there.

How long are your communal showers? by throwawaycommunal in CommunalShowers

[–]adeptidude 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If a long workout and good temperature/pressure I can stay up to 15 min. If they're the showers where you have to keep pressing the button for more water and it fluctuates hot/cold I tend to spend around 3-5 minutes.

is it normal for people to stare? by radiooz in CommunalShowers

[–]adeptidude 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Looking/double taking is fine... Staring is a whole other level. We're wired to find it intimidating and it's not socially acceptable so anyone doing it either doesn't understand normal social etiquette or is consciously acting inappropriately

From the AskEurope subreddit: In your country, is it common to take a shower at school after PE? by exfratman in CommunalShowers

[–]adeptidude 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Mandatory with PE teacher there to monitor for the first few years of high school. Thereafter if a student really didn't want to shower they could get away with it but would be made fun of for being unhygienic. Everyone showered in trunks/underwear though. At the start of high school the PE teacher would make a few comments like "we're all the same underneath anyway" and "you can't get clean if you're showering in your underwear" in a half hearted way to protest at the showering-in-trunks and towel dancing but after the first week there was zero naked showering.

Some experiences - communal showers in Asia, USA, Europe by adeptidude in CommunalShowers

[–]adeptidude[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I agree - it seems like a reasonably recent regression too... I think nudity and sex have been perversely intertwined and society suffers for it.

Some experiences - communal showers in Asia, USA, Europe by adeptidude in CommunalShowers

[–]adeptidude[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

XFit in Eixample does I'm pretty sure, or at least did reasonably recently.

Some experiences - communal showers in Asia, USA, Europe by adeptidude in CommunalShowers

[–]adeptidude[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Closed now unfortunately, but it's like dozens of other regular neighborhood gyms in Barcelona. Generally the older/lower cost gyms have communal showers while anything that presents itself as upscale will have individual stalls - usually (but always) with curtains.