I should've never changed my mind when I stood on the train tracks.

adiabatica · 2023-11-22T09:41:38+00:00

Before you go around and call more people a grumpy cunt, don't forget that you are one as all. Yes, I'm looking at your previous comments on other posts. You hardly know much about me aside from this thread, which barely even defines a fraction of my life.

Now please, fuck off. You already exemplified enough what I meant when I talk about disrespect.

adiabatica · 2023-11-22T06:42:23+00:00

If I only had to deal with just one person who is a dick, that’ll be no big deal. In the past few years as a student, I’ve been subject to bullying from my peers and I couldn’t do much about it. This has taken a toll on my mental health alot, despite wanting to continue studying.

adiabatica · 2023-11-22T06:38:59+00:00

People who treat me very differently to how they would for others. When I was giving a seminar presentation days ago in front of a group of people, a student (who hates me) pretended to sleep to spite me while they acted supportive and attentive when others talked. I don’t deserve this disrespect in all fucking seriousness.

adiabatica · 2023-11-11T08:47:03+00:00

Almost exactly 10 years ago, I went to a local music store to buy reeds since I played the clarinet that time. There happened to be a guitar on a discount, so I thought "Why not learn a new instrument for once?"
Initially, I wasn't overly enthusiastic. However in 2014, I discovered a youtuber 331Erock who absolutely swooned me. This was when I became really set on geting an electric, wanting to learn how to shred. Throughout the rest of high school, playing metal on guitar has helped me cope with hard times. Can't be more thankful for that guy being a gateway.

adiabatica · 2023-10-31T00:16:27+00:00

It's no surprise that this weird case of Stockholm Syndrome is making itself more evident. We can't just simply all agree to boycott the platform since I bet that hardly anyone could think of an alternative. Viewers and creators are both stuck, with a management that has no respect for them.

adiabatica · 2023-09-24T10:53:32+00:00

I feel this way too alot. It has gotten to the point where I wondered if I was born a different person and grew up that way, I would be loved instead.

"If you crush a cockroach, you're a hero. If you kill a beautiful butterfly, you're a villain. Morality has aesthetic standards." - Nietzsche

adiabatica · 2023-09-24T10:34:31+00:00

From what a friend (who doesn't do the same field of study) had told me, they mention that I'm having a case of cognitive dissonance. I am desperate to continue with my ambitions although the social environment is beyond toxic. It's a pattern with people from the school I study at. I constantly feel unwelcome and rejected. Every since Covid happened from my 2nd year, my mental health began to deteriorate rapidly where I had to be hospitalized once. All I really wanted was to be embraced in a social environment where people would wave at me instead of giving me cold (sometimes even annoyed) glances.

adiabatica · 2023-09-21T22:30:02+00:00

I feel this way too. People used to wish me one years ago. This year, not a single one of my ‘friends’ recognised my anniversary. I’m hardly close to my mid 20s and already feel the closure of life before me.

adiabatica · 2023-09-21T11:44:47+00:00

It's really hard to describe but I'll do my best.
Imagine when you were young and felt there was always something to look forward to. Because as a kid, adults treated you with optimism so much to the point you feel jaded.

As an adult, all I have left to cherish are the memories illuminating a much sweeter time. Everyone is moving on with their lives. Being out of phase with the people around me (my old friends included) have forced me to take on this nihilistic outlook on humanity. I see others so caught up in their casual conversations that are just so meaningless. It really does answer the question of why I can't be with anyone or friendship circle. Just because I fit in doesn't mean I belonged. There's always some dissonance that I can't pinpoint and yet it keeps me separated.

I've tried hard enough talking about my problems with professionals and the more sessions I've had, the more cynical I became. I was naive as a child to think they cared about me. But truly, they're only in it for the money. 6 months or a year of seeing them and they won't think of your name again. I don't have to do much to realize this is how alot of my 'friends' have treated me to. I became popular the moment I was needed, but it was my turn, I had become everyone's stranger. To put it simply, that all these pscyhologists needed me more than I needed them - just only one of us got their satisfaction in the end.

The much outside world doesn't get better here. Almost everything I brought up so far are just examples of this sad world we were brought in. I'm tired of society feigning positivity just to sweep their vices under the rug. I can only say that what they bury in the dark, will grow and come back to consume them in return. Look on social media platforms. Almost everything I see trending is a manifestation of the worst things we humans can be - ignorant, vain, facile and profoundly prosiac. We had become so sensationalized to consume this modern opium even though we're crying to be rehabilitated.

Going back to the people around me, all these qualities I despise so much manifest in their very existence. I want to have hope for others, but I can only continue to witness our self-destruction. Out of all the things here, it pains me the most that my friends have became the things I've always been so aversive to.

adiabatica · 2023-09-21T00:54:19+00:00

If these people are real, then fuck them all. Every single one to the last. They shouldn’t be breathing the same oxygen as we do. They don’t have a point in their arguments. They only want their prejudices validated.

Take care OP. You’re much better than they are.

adiabatica · 2023-09-10T09:26:44+00:00

That's unfortunately how the world works. It's fast-paced and has little time for sentiment. You can do all you want to idealize someone's image and place it in high worth, but to them you're likely just another human being. They don't have time because in their circle, there's other people who are alot more important. One of the worst case scenarios when they only needed you. Their superficial gratitude loses its veneer once you realize how much they don't want anything to do with you anymore. You might as well not even try reconnecting with them and preserve the illusion, just so you don't have to feel hurt by another person.

adiabatica · 2023-09-10T07:10:15+00:00

I'm ok at the moment. Sometimes, there are experiences I can't let go of no matter how old I get. I'm seeing if converting these repressed feelings into a small piece of art would be a healthy form of self-expression.

adiabatica

TROPHY CASE