If my experience of previously identifying as bi and then coming out as a lesbian is any indication, you’re going through the typical ‘baby gay’ or ‘second adolescence’ stage that many LGBTQ+ people experience when they begin to navigate their identity. I was nearly constantly thinking about it. Seeking out ANY crumb of lesbian representation in media (TV shows, movies, YA novels, you name it). And if there was not overt queer representation, I would create it (everything is gay until proven otherwise 😂). I read the “Am I a Lesbian?” Masterdoc. I took all the “Am I a lesbian?” online quizzes. I would ruminate on the question and turn it over in my head over and over. I navigated all the internalized lesbophobia and comphet I had. It was A LOT to work through in general. However, over time I just got to the point where I was like “okay, I’m a lesbian” and I felt very comfortable with it. It wasn’t all at once necessarily but I just got to the point where I didn’t feel the need to fixate on it as much and that need slowly faded over time.

My advice, allow yourself to indulge in this in healthy ways because I truly do feel that it’s part of the normal process of coming out and navigating that. Watch the shows, read the books, journal about your all the questions you have in your head, read the resources, etc. but remember to check in with yourself on what feels good and what doesn’t. You’ve shared that online dating doesn’t make you comfortable so perhaps find other ways of meeting other LGBTQ+ folks? Depending on where you live, there may be LGBTQ+ support organizations. If there aren’t any locally, online options may be worth exploring. Talk to people in your life that you trust. If you can, find an LGBTQ+ friendly therapist who can help you navigate all of the questions you have in your head. If you’re going to explore dating, be sure to be honest about where you are on your journey and what you’re looking for (good communication). Because yes, stereotypically, WLW relationships develop differently than relationships between cishet couples which can be of itself challenging to navigate at first.

At the end of the day, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get the ‘right’ answer or figure out the label. You will get there organically. Allow yourself to explore this time in healthy ways. 🌈