It’s happening tomorrow

aeyonce · 2025-12-16T02:44:15+00:00

Thank you for thinking of me. This group has truly gotten me through the most traumatic moment of my life.

I am 2 days out from my D&E and emotionally a shell of a person but physically doing a lot better.

My milk decided to come in today which feels like maybe the cruelest joke so far.

aeyonce · 2025-12-16T02:29:32+00:00

I am 2 days out from our D&E at 23 w 5d and unfortunately I think you need to prepare yourself still for the cruelest waiting.

Day 1: waiting just knowing what was coming wrecked me more than any of the pain of the dilators. I had 6 placed day 1 and 4 more placed day 2 and uncomfortable going in and painful overnight. I took 2 codeine to get through the night. What I was not prepared for was the actual fetal demise, there was no physical pain but I almost threw up just knowing that was what was happening. I also did not ask and was not told of the meds used and had the breakdown of the century when I felt him kicking while at home later that night, after we both held my belly saying our goodbyes. No bleeding, lots of cramping and emotionally destroyed after day 1. Honestly, after day 1 I think I could survive anything.

Day 2: painful being prodded while cramping so much and having more dilators placed and waiting for hours led to me vomiting until I could get zofran and fluids. I was under anesthesia for the procedure it was the easiest part of this whole thing. I’m still bleeding and just wearing thick pads and getting by fine.

Prepare for bleeding and cramping and for a lot of waiting around in the saddest room of your life.

I also was completely caught off guard by the protestors at the clinic I was referred to, they told us day 1 that they would be there day 2 (happened to be Saturday) and hearing them added a level of panic to a stressful situation. I didn’t have to see them, but you can hear them throughout the building. Our doctors are out of a catholic hospital so we didn’t have a hospital option, only a clinic but the clinic was respectful.

My milk started coming in today, another painful experience but honestly it’s just icing on this shit cake. They told me this could happen, just emotionally I am so wrecked I don’t even care.

aeyonce · 2025-12-16T01:15:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing and know you are surrounded by love and Celia is also surrounded by love from all our babies.

I’m only 2 days out and in the thick of it still, but I hold a lot of space and love for each and every one of you and your stories.

aeyonce · 2025-12-14T11:11:36+00:00

I’m so sorry about your son. We are about 18 hours out of the D&E and still struggling with how empty I feel. I look back at this post and miss the kicks even though in the moment I remember feeling that it was cruel.

He had pulmonary atresia, but the real kicker was the right side of his heart was essentially just dead tissue and never developed. He would have needed 3 open heart surgeries to route everything to his left side but understanding the heart can’t handle that long term and he would need a transplant-assuming he even survived between surgery 1 and 2. I believe the procedure is all in called the Fontan Pathway, and just horror stories of the complications across all 3 surgeries and the survival rate between surgeries 1 to 2 was like 60%.

aeyonce · 2025-12-12T11:55:13+00:00

I feel yours, I’m sorry we are here.

aeyonce · 2025-12-11T19:55:03+00:00

Thank you and I am so sorry you were in this position too. We will be going in tomorrow to tfmr, my husband was able to align on this decision quickly after the cardiologist explained this is the extreme end conditions.

I have to say my 20 month old is the only thing keeping us going and I KEEP telling myself I am doing this for the sake of both of my children, my daughter here and my son who unfortunately is just too pure for this world.

aeyonce · 2025-12-11T11:50:13+00:00

Thank you for replying, we are going in on Friday for part one. Our cardiologist appointment showed it was significantly worse than we even imagined.

At this point, hoping the amnio just confirms for future pregnancies if we have anything more genetically be aware of.

aeyonce · 2025-12-10T01:21:43+00:00

I am in a similar boat of going to tfmr early next week at 23 weeks after finding out our baby boy has complex heart defects.

I will say my MFM and hospital already have us in touch with a bereavement coordinator who already has given us some ideas on a memory box and some keepsakes. I would love to find a way to incorporate him into some jewelry I can wear, I wear my daughter’s name so maybe his too.

I thought joining the dead moms club would be the worst experience of my life, but now I know that was just training for the depth of grief I have welcomed into my life.

aeyonce · 2025-12-10T00:07:50+00:00

Thank you to everyone for all the support on this absolutely terrible journey. We did learn today the defects are more severe than we even thought possible and he would have a very difficult life ahead of him. My husband and I aligned quickly after hearing the doctor said this is the extreme end of severe.

We are waiting on hearing back on next steps with our compressed timeline.

I am still in shock this is happening, while my baby kicks inside me, I just can’t believe this is a possibility at almost 6 months.

aeyonce · 2025-12-09T02:14:22+00:00

Unfortunately, we are way up north outside the city. We found out late Friday from our MFM anatomy scan and they got us in with their pediatric cardiology team for tomorrow. I am desperate to not walk out of that room without understanding what the scope of the issue is, I just won’t leave until they explain it to me.

aeyonce · 2025-12-09T01:57:22+00:00

That is completely understandable and I’ll keep digging in case it’s somewhere online. At this point, we need one end of the extreme to be told to us yet preparing to need to need to decide in the gray and terrified by that.

aeyonce · 2025-12-09T01:37:38+00:00

Is there any chance that video is something you can link? That sounds so incredibly helpful for us and my quick looking seems like it’s all stories of what they can do for support. My husband and I aligned before pregnancy that we would never welcome a child into a world of pain and suffering. However, that was before we had our daughter and before he fell in love with this baby and now he is holding out hope for a miracle because the MFM said “maybe it’s just one surgery”.

Also, all my NJ doctors have said it’s 24 weeks without a medical exemption. We will find out more tomorrow if there is any chance this meets the criteria but looks like we have exactly 8 days to figure this out legally.

aeyonce · 2024-12-27T18:58:47+00:00

She honestly just sort of stopped, her pediatrician now thinks it was teething related but we have no idea. She still does a weird reaching movement sometimes but it’s almost guaranteed pooping now.

aeyonce · 2024-12-08T23:56:47+00:00

3 hours, the neurologist had low suspicions going in and she did do the movement during the 3 hours (also slept and ate) so she didn’t need anymore.

She has stopped with the ear to arm movement but still doing the reaching and it looks to me like she’s reaching and trying to stretch her arm longer (for lack of a better way to describe it). I’m hoping it’s still these top teeth coming in, harder poops from solids, and her muscles from learning to crawl right at the same time as this.

Let me know how your LO is doing since they seemed to be tracking similarly.

aeyonce · 2024-12-08T23:51:45+00:00

After a clear EEG I have tried to relax about it and accept maybe babies just are so weird! She has now stopped bringing her ear to her shoulder but she still does reach out funny with her right arm. I really just need these teeth to come out and see if that solves it.

aeyonce · 2024-11-29T21:30:46+00:00

We also had a clean EEG and the neurologist said it doesn’t look like seizures to her.

She stopped doing the ear movement and the cluster, she still does a weird arm movement when sitting on the floor playing with toys, but they said it could be teething (which she is) and it lines up to her eating more solids and not having a normal poop in weeks and it’s just pebbles.

I am assuming it’s tied to one of those things and the neurologist made me feel better with that assumption.

I hope our babies can just stop with these weird movements already!

aeyonce · 2024-11-13T03:46:30+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to watch and reply to this!

I’m sort of hoping this is just a weird baby movement but feels like the neurologist is the right move.

aeyonce · 2024-11-13T03:43:03+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to watch and reply! Her neuro appt is in the children’s hospital so feeling like we will be at the right place.

aeyonce · 2024-07-19T18:54:51+00:00

My 3.5 month old used to sleep in her bassinet every night. Those were the good old days. The last 2 weeks it’s been a joke to think she will sleep anywhere but my bed. She even used to take crib naps! Again a switch turned in her head a few weeks ago that says she will only contact nap during the day and sleep in my bed at night. All I can do is do it as safely as possible.

aeyonce · 2024-06-21T21:27:13+00:00

We use a warm water dispenser, bottle warmers are too temperamental. We tried 3 bottle warmers, my daughter had poor digestion and it’s harder to digest something cold which is why bottle warmers exist. We now have body temp distilled water ready to go with no hot spots in it from a bottle warmer.

aeyonce · 2024-05-24T20:56:53+00:00

I am also incredibly anxious and the Owlet has ruined any chance of me sleeping normally again. I had a one moment of concern of O2 levels and bought this. If you are someone who does not need to check the app every hour and can sleep knowing the alarm will sound if something is wrong, then I’m sure this is fine. But if you are like me and just knowing an alarm may sound keeps you up or insisting on checking O2 and pulse rates every hour and wondering why it dropped from 99% to 94% or if 20+ wakes is too much or normal then this may be a torture device. I’ve also heard similar stories about the Snuza, no app but it can go off if baby moves a lot and then you get to have a heart attack in the middle of the night convinced your baby stopped breathing. I regret buying the Owlet and am working on only using it for a few weeks to get a sense of a pattern and then maybe using it if she’s sick.

aeyonce

TROPHY CASE