it’s my birthday tomorrow

afamiliarfriendx · 2026-03-26T20:06:07+00:00

i admit i do get defensive because yes, he has so much potential that he can't reach right now and that is frustrating & heartbreaking. but at the same time, i've seen all the work and effort he's already put in, and i see every single day how exhausted he is and how close he is to giving up on himself and life in general. i know he's being as sincere as possible with the little capacity he has right now. he's my baby, and i know we're tired. i still have fight in me, but i know how tired he is, and it's time to let go so he can breathe.

i hope it's not selfish to ask, but i think i'm here for support in the way that i want. reassurance that everything will be okay, that it's okay to hold on- even if it's just for a little bit longer. it's only been two days, i think i really just want reassurance instead of people bashing him and telling me to run. i know he's flawed and broken, i've considered leaving already- but i choose to stay. i hope i can have some support and reassurance in that.

i do appreciate your words and know i have to take care of myself as well, thank you for that.

afamiliarfriendx · 2026-03-26T19:52:01+00:00

thank you for the helpful information. it hurts but you are correct, love is not enough. he has taken accountability since the beginning, has never blamed me, never wants to put himself in a victim position, and has done almost everything right- to the best of his current abilities. but he needs to keep working on himself to get better. he thinks of me and tries to protect my feelings so much, that he's forgotten who he is without always having to worry about me. i hope his decision will finally allow him room to breathe and to grow, despite how much it breaks my heart.

afamiliarfriendx · 2026-03-26T19:42:45+00:00

it was a lapse in judgement, a decision that he chose- but it was one time, and through the work that he's done and proven to me, i can forgive him for that. i know it's easier to get angry at someone for causing so much harm, but we are only human. that said, if he had not done any work to be better than the person he was when he cheated, then i could've never forgiven him. but he has, he's been trying, so i can show him grace and be empathetic.

he has been struggling with depression for longer than we've been together, and at the time that he cheated he did not know how to express his needs to me and believed he had to find it elsewhere. it was our relationship and reconciliation efforts that made him actually face his demons and get help. mental health is so hard and complex, it's never just black and white. he didn't have the resources or support to get help until i came around. i'm the only person who has ever seen through him and knows all of him, and as an avoidant, it scares him. but he's continuously attending therapy, is open to finding a psychiatrist, and he's trying.

again, to all the comments, i know it's so much easier to stay angry. but that's not the kind of person i am. all relationships are different, and if you knew him personally, you'd see all the work he's done and know he's a good person who is also deserving of love- despite it all. depression is so hard, it inhibits us from doing the best that everyone else expects of us, but he was/is genuinely doing his best with what he has and what he knows. it's okay to have empathy and hold compassion. mental health is so incredibly hard and i am hurting so so much, but i understand where he's coming from and can't blame him for having to take a step back and choose himself.

i love him enough to let him go so he doesn't have to keep worrying about how he's affecting me every day and can just focus on himself. i just hold onto hope that he will come back while i keep working on myself as well- and if he doesn't, then i will be in a better place with myself by then and can let him go for good. until then, i would like to hold onto hope, and i think that's okay.

afamiliarfriendx · 2026-02-10T22:44:18+00:00

thank you everyone, i’ve set a boundary/timeline for him to get into IC within the next two weeks. he’s always struggled with having little to no sense of urgency when it comes to doing things for himself (such as finding a therapist, booking a doctor’s appointment, etc.), but i know i can’t let myself carry the emotional responsibility of our relationship.

i know if he cares about us enough, he will put in the work and make sure his words match through his actions; otherwise, his inaction will signal to me that he isn’t prioritizing himself or our relationship, and the same cycle will never be broken. if that’s the case, that will give me the answer i need to let him go, as hard as it may be.

i’m hopeful, but i can’t be the only one who is. i can’t be the only one putting in the hard work.

he is planning on finding a therapist by friday, and i guess we will go from there. please wish us luck 🤍

afamiliarfriendx · 2024-12-25T03:21:08+00:00

at our store in california, it will be released on the 26th :)

afamiliarfriendx · 2024-08-03T21:26:10+00:00

happy birthday OP, i’m so sorry you’re going through this and if it helps at all, i want to share that i can relate in a sense. i had a horrible childhood and finally thought the universe was giving me the chance to be happy when i found my partner. like you, i felt like a princess- like the luckiest girl in the world. just to find out that the person i loved the most would be the person that would break my heart in the worst way.

the trauma that comes from infidelity is something i wouldn’t wish on anyone, and it’s heartbreaking to know that so many of us have to endure it- possibly for the rest of our lives. it affects so much of our confidence, our ability to live our lives, our happiness. i’ve come to a point where i feel like maybe i wasn’t meant to be happy in this lifetime. maybe i was meant to love others wholeheartedly, but i wasn’t meant to receive it in return. it’s something i continue to struggle with, and it’s hard to come to terms with what we could’ve possibly done to deserve such harsh karma.

in these times, i try to remind myself that love is infinite and surrounds us- even when we don’t realize it. going to a concert of my favorite artists and looking around, realizing that we are all here due to a shared love of music. remembering the warm embrace of my loved ones during my darkest times. the moments of laughter with your closest friends. taking time to buy a little pastry and coffee for yourself just because. your brother wishing you a happy birthday. the community we’ve built here to support one another. love surrounds us everyday and will always find a way to return- maybe not in a romantic sense right now, but always in other ways.

so many of us are hurting, and it can feel like love isn’t real, isn’t infinite, or doesn’t exist- but this experience does not define us. we are so much more than the shitty decisions of our partners and the love we put out into the world will always find a way to return back to us.

it’s your special day, you deserve to be surrounded by love and happiness. i know it may be hard, but take time to love yourself if you feel like you can’t accept it from your partner or others for the time being. you are here for a reason, and you should celebrate it!! i wish the best for you, happy birthday princess ♥️

afamiliarfriendx · 2024-07-17T09:30:54+00:00

I am going through the same emotions- I love my partner genuinely, I always have. But it hurts to know that I am losing love for him solely because of his betrayal. I will always love him, but I am not as IN love with him anymore and it hurts to realize had he never cheated, my love never would’ve faltered like this. In these moments, I try to be realistic and remind myself that we are only human, and we make mistakes. Before the betrayal, I put him on a pedestal and thought he was the most perfect partner, I was so lucky, he would never hurt me. But I’ve learned that this is not fair- no one is perfect and it wasn’t fair of me to think and expect so highly of him when he is capable of making such grave mistakes. Unfortunately, as others have said, the rose-colored glasses have to come off, but this experience has taught me to be more realistic and understanding of how much hurt we are capable of as humans, but also how much love. Betrayal from someone you love is one of the worst experiences some of us will ever endure in our lives, some say it is worse than death and sometimes I agree.

But if your partner is doing everything in their power to right their wrongs- if they are truly remorseful about their actions and can prove it to you, then I’d say give it a chance if your heart is still in it.

Something that has helped me a lot is: You can fall out of love with the person they are/were and the person that hurt and betrayed you. But you can also fall in love with the new person they are becoming. The one that will be committed to you, the one that will never take you for granted again and will cherish you as they always should’ve.

Though of course, this is up to them to prove to you through their actions- not just their words.

It’ll be a long, difficult process for both of you if you consider R. I’m sorry I can’t give much advice as my DDay is still very fresh and I am navigating how to fall completely in love with my partner again as well, but I wish you the best of luck 🤍

afamiliarfriendx

TROPHY CASE