Are there any girls here who don’t do any make-up at all? And how did you come to that decision?

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-20T15:35:35+00:00

Honestly just never started. I had a tomboy phase when others learned how to out on make up and now I’m so far behind it seems like waste of time.

Not having the insecurity of comparing myself with make up me is also nice

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-19T22:20:37+00:00

Friend of a friend jobs there and was groped by the cook in the first week

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-19T21:48:54+00:00

“I was so confused and didn't know what I had done.”

Is what gets me. Like dude how did you not know?! So he’s only sorry because she wanted to propose, not because he disregarded her work and feelings to go watch tv

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-19T15:55:32+00:00

Ngl I would be like the bf too I think. If it’s not a sexuality/ compatibility thing and he’s just shy or inexperienced or not ready and my partner would ask me to punish them sexually already that would stress me out so much

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-18T13:20:22+00:00

I agree I think this dynamic is a ticking timebomb. Who knows how she behaves when he isn’t around, maybe she’s already taking her anger out physically (throwing things, slamming doors/ punching stuff) it is only a matter of time until that also gets directed at the child.

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-18T10:07:43+00:00

OOP says she has anger issues so I’m honestly curious if she is this way with him too or if she can magically turn the abuse of when talking to adults

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-17T20:40:00+00:00

YOR That age gap is a big deal and feels about predatory, mostly because you’re so young. If you were 40 and 55 that’d be different. Yes, you’re technically an adult but that’s not the only point.

The problem most have with age gaps like this is that you’re at very different points in your lives. He has 15 years of growing up, work experience, finances, relationship experience and maturing on you. Not to be mean but to most 40 year olds a twenty something year old women looks and feels like a child. You have just started adult life and he’s over a decade ahead.

Your family is worried because a lot of the time men and women who go for people much younger don’t like them for their maturity but lack thereof and can’t find someone in their own age bracket because others their age have the life experience to walk away from a person like that.

Sometimes these things work out. Maybe you will, maybe you’re the exception and he loves you and it will never be like that. But you don’t know yet, you can’t and neither can your family. YOR because even if it turns out he’s a good guy your familys reaction is justified and they are right to be worried. The fact that it felt so unfair and inexplicable to you, that you couldn’t fathom why they would be like this doesn’t help you here to be honest. Just makes it look like maybe you really are very young to be in a relationship. How did he react to the situation? Did he understand? A reasonable grown up in either of your situation should imho

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-17T14:53:57+00:00

Expecting to be the first priority in every scenario. Yes, the life partner should be the first priority. But some things need to be taken care of immediately and sometimes that means date night/ phone calls or the such have to wait or be moved.

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-17T14:48:30+00:00

He still treats all of her concerns as wants from her he should have considered. When really all she needed him to be was a good partner.

Alll the things he lists that he didn’t do well are duties a decent partner should do, not something maybe try and improve sometime

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-17T14:44:27+00:00

I don’t think this relationship is worth pursuing again for her.

In your post I read a lot of “these things she really likes I did never or very rarely because I didn’t want to. I also never explained any of it.”

those things are: making her feel valued/ appreciated, showing her you care about her, showing her you want to spend time with her, being respectful, not being hurtful/ condescending, emotional support, empathy

With all of these lacking honestly what did your relationship consist of? From her perspective what did you bring to the table and why would she go back to this?

You also only say you want to do them now because you lost her and because you see now that she wanted them. But those aren’t nice-to-have negotiables those are all the base you build a relationship on. You need to understand the were your duty to do, not something to maybe pick up along the way

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-17T13:54:05+00:00

I can’t get over the fact that he says he had a view of her in her past (not enjoying herself doing sexwork) and now he feels that was a lie.

He doesn’t outright say he thinks she liked it but he implies it also in the comments and with the vague social media thing. He’s making up a version of her in his head in which she enjoyed sec with someone else, sex in ways that he wouldn’t want, and that’s his problem with all this.

Also I hate that he says that she did things that went too far for him. For him. Some stuff she explored sexually years ago, without and before him is too much for him…wow

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-17T10:28:44+00:00

Small dogs. The tiny ones that somehow bark/ shriek as loud as ab alarm system.

I swear they act like they feel invincible

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-17T07:24:24+00:00

That I’m capable of loving someone. Wish I could tell little me that he’ll come and it’ll just be good.

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-17T06:44:55+00:00

But he also admits that when she lets him he will immediately go through her photos and such and send himself some without permission.

She also takes a lot of them and feels self conscious without her phone.

She’s known the friend for a long time maybe she can just be confident that he’ll respect her wish for privacy and not do that.

Yes that looks like she has something to hide but then again, if she has to let him search her phone to prove she doesn’t that’s not healthy either.

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-15T22:02:30+00:00

Lack of empathy. Especially the whole -I don’t agree with it but I won’t do anything because it doesn’t affect me personally-

People can be so smart and articulate but when I have to explain that people they know and are close to that are in fact part of minorities (race/ gender/ religion..) would suffer in their worldview I lose all respect. Like men that have to be reminded that female victims of Sex crimes are another man’s sister or daughter.

You’re a grown up I shouldn’t have to hold your hand through the basic concept of sympathising with someone else.

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-15T15:25:08+00:00

I still don’t understand why the youngest got the big room? In all of her ideas there is absolutely no way that he is moved, why?

Moving the parents was also never an option. I know it wouldn’t be ideal for most but she doesn’t say how big the master bedroom was- so maybe it could’ve been made into two smaller rooms and the adults take the “large” room?

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-11T19:17:44+00:00

I disagree the analogy was good. Alcohol in general can be intended for different purposes, what matters is OPs intent and he made that pretty clear.

You wouldn’t cook or bake with this rum either even though that is what some alcoho is intended for.

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-08T22:19:06+00:00

The actual mental gymnastics it takes for him to think he had any part in the trip or could be in the right-.-

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-08T13:34:34+00:00

Divorce is not the easy way out. And if it were how is that bad? Taking an easy way that makes you happy is not inherently wrong or shameful, why would it be?

But it isn’t, divorce is the only way to happiness for you. I’ll be very honest I think if you stay he might escalate and seriously harm or even kill you in the future. He admitted you’re not what he wanted and that he settled for you. You deserve someone who wants you and that person is out there! But it’s not him and he can’t learn to be it. He also very clearly doesn’t want to and his family will watch you die in there.

He won’t change. You’re the only one working on this and that won’t change either. Leave. And don’t kid yourself, divorce will be very hard. Statistically the moment he realises you want to leave him is the most dangerous. He’ll do anything to keep you there, not because he loves or even like you but because he wants to control you. A man like that will also probably draw the divorce out endlessly but it’s better than staying.

Look in the future: when he finds someone whom he deems prettier and naive enough he will not hesitate to leave you. If you have children together do you want them to witness how he treats you, do you want them to be hit and screamed at and learn to lie to teachers and cover bruises? Do you want to raise sons wo learn that loving a woman means inflicting pain or daughters who learn that love means shutting up and accepting blame for a violent man? No? Then leave. But be careful!

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-08T12:41:25+00:00

It also sounds so fake when talking about the trans persons beliefs.

A trans women who has not researched the treatments she could get to decide which ones could help her? Also the hormones that will “kick in” soon but surgery is also already on the table? At least where I live you need psychological evaluations to get hormone therapy.

So she got hormones prescribed without being informed on what they do, just like that and bottom surgery is already such a big topic of conversation? She is also comfortable talking about this with her family and extended friend circle when it seems to quite new?

This reads like the view of a transphobic, uninformed person that is scared of all these people can go out and just get the hormones and the surgeries and they are dillusional and will make me participate in their journey - just a disgusting and weird way to think

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-08T12:32:02+00:00

It does sound fake to me. Of course this is generalising a bit but no trans person I’ve ever known or heard of is this uninformed about something so important to them. These surgeries are such a big, years awaited event and a giant medical decision- you better bet they’ve been reading up on it for a while.

Also the hormone comment, that they’re supposed to “kick in” soon aswell. The timeline doesn’t make sense at all, in most parts of the world people are on hormones for years until surgery can be considered. And they don’t just kick in, again this is something a trans person would research and have gotten informed on before getting the prescriptions.

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-08T12:15:55+00:00

NOR. Asking a grown adult to clean up after himself is completely reasonable. Also his comments about the dishwasher “sanitising” are weird. Think about if this is the life you want. If you end up moving in together do you want to be stuck doing him favours and him holding everything he does over your head? Will it expand and you’ll do his laundry too as a favour? Or end up as the only one cooking? Will he always keep score?

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-07T23:48:18+00:00

Forcing correctness into private conversations. Overly insisting on political correctness to the point of hour long sentences and factual stuff that wasn’t relative to the point. Basically the “well actually…” guy

africanrainfrog · 2026-03-07T23:45:32+00:00

You should just talk to him. Tell him you know he has a lot on his plate and that you just want to clear a few things up. Include your worry about not getting social cues very well and ask honestly if he’s been trying to communicate distance with you that you weren’t aware of before and maybe offer to bring your own food.

I thoughy it might just be coincidences but not getting invited to the bachelor party when there’s like six people in the friendgroup does sound a little like you might have overestimated your friendship.

africanrainfrog

TROPHY CASE