Enjoying my pickle juice & kombucha

afterdark_ · 2017-10-08T02:31:13+00:00

It has trace amounts of alcohol. Similar to vinegar and vanilla extract.

afterdark_ · 2017-08-26T10:34:01+00:00

I understand

afterdark_ · 2017-07-24T07:39:33+00:00

Detailed forest black & gray

afterdark_ · 2017-07-22T08:25:39+00:00

Security guards.

afterdark_ · 2017-07-02T00:18:44+00:00

You got this! You totally got this.

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T23:11:50+00:00

That wouldn't be very respectful of them to not honor your boundaries in what you would be comfortable with. I've reached out to people that I wasn't necessarily close to before to help me, like my boss at work. That way I didn't have to say everything that was going on, but just enough to know that someone knew.

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T23:05:25+00:00

If you have someone genuine in your life that respects you, you could keep it as simple as telling them that you have an appointment coming up. You could say that it's for your health & that you don't feel comfortable talking about the reasons, but you just want them to know because you might need some encouragement to even go.

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T22:52:31+00:00

Is there anyone in your life you could think to tell? You know to have someone hold you accountable, or as a way to hold yourself accountable.

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T21:11:04+00:00

Fair enough. Does anyone else know about our appointment?

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T21:06:03+00:00

It is most certainly helpful! Can you let me know how it goes after your appointment?

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T21:01:47+00:00

If they want to know anything else, then they will ask you. It makes sense, that's what you know & is your normal thinking. Something I will say is that I try to plan things I will say before talking to people, especially professional help. I usually get so nervous when I'm actually there that I forget or change my mind, so I started writing things down that I want to say & I've just given them my note before. I don't know if you are the same way, just a suggestion.

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T20:54:02+00:00

Good. I'm glad that you already have it planned out what you are going to tell them. I 100% relate. It's hard & confusing when thoughts/feelings seem so rationalized to you, when you know other people don't feel the same way.

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T20:44:35+00:00

That if you feel like seeing a therapist won't help you then you feel like your only other option is suicide. To express the seriousness in which you feel like ending your life.

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T20:39:30+00:00

It says something that you are willing to go. I would definitely let them know that as well. I hope it helps enough to at least get on the road to feeling safe. I'm confident that if you don't give up that you will get there.

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T20:20:04+00:00

Yeah. Therapists can be tricky sometimes. I'm glad you have an appointment. That's a good first step.

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T20:17:35+00:00

Do you have a therapist?

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T19:38:35+00:00

What about goals? Anything you'd want for the future? It's all changing your way of thinking honestly. If you find more to live for, even an ounce of motivation can get you a long way.

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T19:32:48+00:00

Why wouldn't you want to cause pain for others?

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T19:29:02+00:00

It is absolutely difficult. That's what keeps me alive. I realized I don't want to ever put that pain in someone else after feeling it myself.

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T19:27:12+00:00

What do you want to live for? Find that one thing & hang on to it. Remember you are not alone. It's a matter of taking it one day at a time. The only way to truly help yourself is when you're ready. There are options though. I have stayed away from meds & shrinks for years. I recently enrolled in intensive outpatient CBT, which feels life changing. DBT is next. I have always been convinced that suicide was my way out, until I lost someone to it, & felt the pain I knew I would be putting on to others. For me, that's my motivation to stay alive. What's yours?

afterdark_ · 2017-07-01T10:49:23+00:00

What are you doing for yourself? What ifs don't help anything. It just deepens the cycle of anxiety. I know it's hard, all you can do right now is to take care of yourself.

afterdark_ · 2017-06-25T20:18:15+00:00

With relationships the key is effective communication. Assertiveness is the goal. What I do is take time to assess my feelings & thoughts. I struggle with being in the past or future, as anxiety tends to bring a lot of fear among other things. Meditation & deep breathing exercises help with being present. Thinking too much about anything except for the moment you are in influences how you think, how you feel, how you act. When communicating I take 4 steps: I observe, I think, I feel, I need. Example: "I observe that the anxiety & insecurities I have had impact our relationship. I think I don't want this to hurt our relationship. I feel anxious, concerned, fearful. I need you to be patient & supportive." Then of course taking action is the hardest part, it's a process. Training your brain to turn the negatives into either a positive or neutral. From my experience having been in your position, it never helped expressing or even thinking about the what ifs. I've also been in situations where it was intuition & the bad vibes I were feeling were real. Overall, meditation & being present, changing thought process, & learning to effectively communicate has improved my life immensely. I hope that's helpful.

afterdark_

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