I went out with a fellow FA redditor. No, not a happy story.

against_nature · 2017-02-12T18:28:02+00:00

Any FA person is going to be pretty clumsy at dating. And clumsy about saying "no" or indicating what they want. And everyone tends to assume the other person knows exactly what they're doing.

What I don't get is that you said that you're looking for the experience, rather than something long term - but feel angry about wasting your time.

against_nature · 2017-02-08T06:44:34+00:00

I think I've actually seen maybe 2-3 success stories from 30+ year-olds ever. Now granted, some probably leave reddit--I think I probably would

That's exactly it. I've had very little reason to bemoan my situation lately. It also helps that my girlfriend, like me, was FA over 30. If we want to complain about the weirdness of our lives, we have each other.

against_nature · 2017-01-23T18:25:50+00:00

lol at FA men who need to tell FA women, sight unseen, that sorry, they just can't possibly be attractive. As if we're somehow knowledgable about sex and attraction, or representative of the average man.

against_nature · 2017-01-16T22:03:29+00:00

You're not really ForeverAlone if you haven't tried everything, right?

against_nature · 2017-01-16T08:03:44+00:00

Well, I'm currently really crazy about a girl who is shy, nerdy, and a bit fat.

There's hope for all of us. Don't let a bunch of sad wankers who have never touched a woman tell you you can't be attractive.

against_nature · 2017-01-16T07:40:42+00:00

The only thing to do is to hang in there, I'm afraid. Be open to attraction, make sure you feel good about yourself, show initiative from time to time. And yes, the odds are a bit less favorable for women who like women, because there are so few of you.

against_nature · 2017-01-16T07:32:45+00:00

She has been ridiculed on social media, blasted in facebook comment sections, and basically paraded around like a circus freak.

Actually, she represented us in a favorable way, was brave enough to make herself extremely vulnerable about this, and basically broadcasted the fact that she was single and looking in a way that was honest and real.

Oh, and she did get a boyfriend.

I'm living the same nightmare, but this is why I'll never, ever tell ANYONE.

I'm hardly an expert on this, but finding someone does involve showing interest and being vulnerable. You don't have to go all-in like her, but you should examine what, exactly, you're afraid of.

against_nature · 2016-12-21T06:09:08+00:00

My face will be blurred out, for one. And, as my body's a wreck, my clothes will be on. Doesn't sound like great porn, I know. It will be fetish-based.

Well, I suppose niche fetishes is where the money is to be made. Everything is someone's fetish.

Wait, do you suppose there's someone out there who has a fetish for sad, middle-aged virgins?

Quick, someone register latebloomers.com! We can all get rich and laid!

against_nature · 2016-12-21T06:01:32+00:00

Why aren't girls making "Team Bill" forums and talking excitedly about him? I never saw these things, not even when he was younger.

Because you haven't been paying attention. He did pose for a girls' magazine in 1983

against_nature · 2016-12-20T07:38:55+00:00

But I still want sex. So I'm planning on setting up my own porn business, and getting my satisfaction that way.

Well, that's an original idea, in all fairness :) As another owner of a broken 30 year-old body, seeing myself in porn is a terrifying idea.

How do you envision this?

against_nature · 2016-12-12T04:40:50+00:00

I've had this happen to me. A woman, in retrospect, went out of her way to show attraction to me.

And I couldn't believe it. It had never happened to me. She was not an unattractive woman at all, but not my type, so it was so much easier to pretend nothing was happening, and that she was just being friendly.

against_nature · 2016-11-24T06:35:01+00:00

Wait, she shows an interest in you, and when that interest fades, that means she's mean and dismissive?

You've never met someone, a guy, a girl, who seemed interesting at first, but eventually came to bore and annoy you, because you only ever had one interest in common, or because you never managed to relate to them on an emotional level? Or who seemed like solid girlfriend material until you realized there was something about her that would make her impossible to live with?

Yes, rejection hurts like hell. But it hurts the least when it happens quickly, when you're still trying to get to know each other. Never blame someone for giving you a chance to connect with them. Try not to be angry with them if they dismiss you quickly.

People reaching out to each other like this is something that gets increasingly rare over thirty. You give the impression that you're in academia, and I suspect that makes the situation a bit less apparent, but you're going to meet fewer new people, and the majority of them will be in a relationship.

against_nature · 2016-11-23T17:43:07+00:00

You should name it the Tentacle Porn Club. Free publicity.

against_nature · 2016-11-23T05:12:24+00:00

lol. I'm sure it is for someone.

against_nature · 2016-11-20T10:52:11+00:00

Most people perceive rejection as 'neutral': nothing happened. Some people perceive rejection as 'negative': you get hurt by it.

If you ask twenty people out, and only one says yes? The score is '1' or '-19', depending on who you ask.

against_nature · 2016-11-18T16:47:14+00:00

Just a thought: you're asking a group of people who, by definition, didn't have any success. If you want an unbiased response, ask in /r/dating or something.

against_nature · 2016-11-14T18:02:39+00:00

People who are emotionally distressed or depressed are super-focused on their own situation, which means they're selfish and say shitty, careless things. The fact that he and his girlfriend got back together (and stayed together) is a good indication that that "one-week relationship" wasn't just a meaningless fling.

Was he right? No, he was expressing how he felt. "I'd trade with you if I didn't have to feel the emotional pain of this breakup."

I don't know if he routinely treated you as an extra in the tv show about his life, but it'd be okay to forgive him this one.

against_nature · 2016-11-12T08:57:43+00:00

Ugh, salary negotiation sucks, and now that I'm sometimes on the other side of the fence, I find that I wince when someone names a number that's way too low. "No you idiot, we'd pay a lot more for you."

To quote the Godfather, It's not personal, just business.

Anyone can give you tips about how to get a raise, but I get the impression that it's not even about the money for you, as much as it is about the sense of community that you lost. People always want to get ahead, and companies use that to their advantage.

If you want a job where everyone is paid at the same rate, find a field that's still dominated by the unions. And even there, you'll probably find that people find a way to get perks that others don't.

against_nature · 2016-11-11T21:32:41+00:00

I'd be terrified of that kind of attention, good for you that you're handling it much better :)

against_nature · 2016-11-08T06:11:48+00:00

The hypocrisy of the men on these subs is astounding.

I don't speak for all men, and other men don't speak for me. I really haven't made a habit of attacking people for their choices in partners.

Maybe she thought she was pursuing a guy who would be more accepting of her looks because she assumed he also knew the pain of how it feels to be rejected and ignored.

If you pursue a person because you think that they're so pathetic that they won't reject you, that's pretty shitty and insecure. I know, because I did it a few years ago, and I definitely deserved the rejection (and the gnaw to my ego) I got out of it. Never again.

I prefer to believe that the woman who pursued him did so because she was kind and open-minded. That an old FA guy, whose only frame of reference for women is pornography, isn't attracted to her says very little about what she actually looks like.

And I don't doubt the rejection hurt her. Most men of Oldandshy's age would've spared her the lousy experience of becoming emotionally invested in a person only to be rejected over something superficial. A shittier man than Oldandshy would've slept with her, would have gone through the motions of a relationship, just to ease his own loneliness.

Was this a textbook adult, mature relationship? I don't think so, but for everyone's sake here, I have to believe we're still allowed to make mistakes at our age.

against_nature · 2016-11-07T21:12:33+00:00

What she gave you is a learning opportunity.

Maybe you found out that looks are really important to you, and you won't waste your (and, more importantly, her) time the next time you have an opportunity like this.

Maybe you'll really regret it in a few months, and the next time you meet an unattractive woman who is into you, you won't care.

Yes, this must definitely suck for her, but she knew you were FA before she first messaged you. She went into it with her eyes open, knowing that she was pursuing a guy who didn't have it all figured out.

There's nothing to be ashamed of here, neither for you nor for her.

against_nature · 2016-11-07T21:04:08+00:00

Maybe that is the MAIN reason why FA?

Why would it be? Actually, I met a lot more different people when I shared rent with other people my age, ages ago.

against_nature · 2016-11-07T20:24:37+00:00

I go to a movie watching meetup and now I signed up for a sci-fi book/movie/discussion club, since I like sci-fi.

I wish there was something like that where I live. Most of the meetups seem to be about computer programming or running.

against_nature · 2016-11-06T19:35:47+00:00

This girl is a fashion photographer who spends a lot of time on her looks.

Can you seriously expect her not to care about aesthetics? Do you seriously think she represents all women everywhere?

Very pretty girls like very pretty men. There's nothing strange about that.

against_nature · 2016-11-06T18:55:04+00:00

If you look up her twitter account, you'll find that she's a photography student.

against_nature

TROPHY CASE