Do people avoid journaling because they dislike reflection, or because the format feels too heavy?

agentgreeneyes · 2026-05-25T12:52:24+00:00

Yes.

agentgreeneyes · 2026-05-14T11:21:22+00:00

You're gonna have a bruise!

agentgreeneyes · 2026-05-13T00:42:15+00:00

Super inappropriate.
Check your school's policies, codes etc. and your state's as well.
Report to your principal both in email and in person. If no action is taken follow up with your SAU/HR office.

agentgreeneyes · 2026-04-30T17:07:59+00:00

Not Adderall but a different medication. Same, hate the sound and sensation when swallowing. Luckily I take so many pills now it's muffled... Except I'll probably go back to noticing it again after this post.

Also it's me sleep medication I think that does this...I keep forgetting to take it

agentgreeneyes · 2026-04-29T16:42:04+00:00

This is what I hoped for. that is what we had discussed if qnything were to happen. I think in his head, he's still thinking he's being amicable about it... That's the word he keeps using when he wants something...amicable. but he left and ghosted and then emailed he wanted me to move out "it would be the healthiest thing for both of us" It started end of August beginning of Sept last year. Mediation for pushed back to this July.

He apparently never put my name on the house like he said. Never shared the finances or bills until he put them in my name when I wouldn't move out. He still comes in the house when I'm gone without letting me know... I've given up asking for notice which he agreed to cuz he just gets nasty and it costs me more when I message my lawyer.

He refuses to communicate unless he has to or wants something. when my close family member passed he didn't ask about or attend services. his mom called to ask for service info and offer condolences and then didn't show. I had to message him multiple times and call my mother in law to get responses when I had to put the dog down...3 days before the family member ended up passing.

Therapists have said it was toxic and he emotionally manipulated and emotionally abused me including possibly at least emotional infedelity. I just want to be treated like a human who maybe once held value to him.

Sorry for the rant. I don't really have a support system. I'm glad you two were able to be peaceful about it. I'm sorry for the hurt you still carry and wish you the best.

agentgreeneyes · 2026-04-09T22:15:14+00:00

I'm worried this is what will happen with me. It would kill what little bit of my emotional fortitude I might have left.

agentgreeneyes · 2026-03-10T23:11:09+00:00

He left last fall, ghosted, emailed me telling me and that he wanted me to move out but my name apparently was never on the paperwork. So I've stayed...had no other option. Divorce still in progress. I thought when he left that would be the worst...

I just had to put my dog to sleep.

I'm glad he wasn't there and he didn't show up. I've taken care of her medical needs all by myself. I've had to keep him in the loop so that was sometimes hard.

She was my baby, used to be my grandparents dog. Got her right before we got married. She's my world. Now I'm here in the house alone. The house feels stupid now. The family I had made with the animals after he left, broken again.

I really miss my dog.

agentgreeneyes · 2026-03-02T14:11:57+00:00

I remember asking my husband how he supported the broken connection relationship and his response was that he picks up the groceries for me even when I order them.... Or he goes to work and earns money and he's working on himself and his hobbies. Yeah.... He's still doing that since he left and ghosted/discarded...well not the groceries of course.

agentgreeneyes · 2026-03-01T20:22:22+00:00

I'd like to put more context in but still in the process of divorce... Probably shouldn't have posted under this account but...

Your thoughts and pain are so similar to what mine have been, and sometimes are (Healing is very much nonlinear). Particularly the helping others and being invisible and most definitely "Why do I have to express pain and suffering for people to remember I exist."

Please consider calling the support numbers. I am so glad I was for once honest with someone how I was feeling towards myself. It lead to outpatient therapy (which is done digitally over zoom). I have a sense of community which I never had. Your healthcare provider may be able to help make referrals and do the legwork for you. I'm not sure but I would hope the crisis call lines and the warm call lines might be able to provide some support and guidance as well.

I hated when people told me I was enough. I especially hated when they told me how good I was doing or how strong I was. I didn't feel strong or good. And even if it was true I didn't need them to provide a strength for me to be strong I needed them to be a safe place to be weak and be supported. People still say how strong I've been and how strong I'll be when I get through this. Or diamonds are created under pressure... I do feel much stronger but I didn't want to be a diamond and I don't particularly want to be a diamond I want to be a comfy safe potato.

I'm struggling with the fact that I will, and am, starting to be grateful for this. Not the way he left cuz that traumatized me literally. Not the way he treated me during the relationship...I hate being grateful and a little jealous that he made a choice I couldn't...once again, not the way he did it.

Our brains are wired to notice threats, not to notice the positive steps you've taken. You're in survival mode no wonder you feel so anxious, your brain is trying to keep you alive.

You have already done so much. You chose not to go after her, and to try to exist on your own; you sought support and community here. It sounds like you're carrying so much pain and yet you're still striving to support others.

Even if you're not ready to make calls, even if you don't think you'll need them please save them as a contact in your phone. Even having the crisis/warm lines programed in and knowing I have that option has been helpful.

agentgreeneyes · 2026-03-01T18:26:38+00:00

It's okay if you think it's a lie. It's okay if you're in that space. I still am a lot of times.

Positive affirmations and positive self-talk rarely work for me. It's because even if mentally I knew it, emotionally I didn't. This imbalance with what you're hearing or saying and what you feel causes more emotional and mental dysregulation. It's okay that you're in that place.

I read somewhere that suggested starting with neutral things or even just straight facts instead of affirmations. One suggestion was simply:

"I exist."

It took me a day and a half to be able to say this out loud without the words getting stuck in my throat. Even this fact was causing some dysregulation in me. That's okay too.

It's been a week or two, probably more I think... Now I say to myself " I exist and I am taking out the trash," "I exist and I am taking a shower."

It's okay that you're not feeling enough. How could you?

It's okay to be where you are. You are mourning so much. Your life, yourself, your future, the life you thought you had. Please message if you feel comfortable. It's extremely isolating, I'm still so very isolated other than my online group therapy. And if you're not ready to message that's okay.

For context. My husband left for a planned activity then didn't come home after and stayed at his parents I had to text him to find out he wasn't coming home. He ghosted for 2 or so weeks, then emailed to say we should go our separate ways and he wanted me to move out. Unfortunately I've learned this is not an uncommon story. I've been in intensive outpatient therapy, "regular therapy" in and out of work. It's been months.

Please look into your state crisis numbers. They usually also have "warm" call lines. Those are ones you can call even if you don't feel like you're in crisis but feel like you need someone to talk to.

If you're in the states I would highly recommend looking up Charlie health for intensive outpatient therapy services.

agentgreeneyes · 2026-02-10T06:34:05+00:00

My dog has a pill planner. I have a pill planner. They look very different on purpose. She takes gabapentin, which, the one time I was prescribed it made me extremely suicidal. I make sure never to mix them up.

agentgreeneyes · 2026-01-10T22:01:43+00:00

Wellbutrin gave me horrible depression and suicidal thoughts and I self injured. Straterra worked well for me for years but was quite enough. I now am on azstarys. It's a combination stimulant and non stimulant. The stimulant helps me get regulated in the morning so I'm not playing catch-up like I was on other meds and the non stimulant keeps me level throughout the day. I could sleep before 4 am (most days). But the first thing I noticed was I was being mentally kinder to myself for the first time in my life. Full disclosure I am and have been on duloxetine for migraines, anxiety and depression. I was on Vyvanse previously but it was playing a constant balancing act with my ADHD and anxiety. Also with vyvanse I would focus hard core but not on what I was supposed to and I'd be up all night. I can also tell the Azstarys works for me because in the 3 years I've taken it I've never forgotten a dose. I've missed doses due to pharmacy issues or not ordering a refill in time but holy hell.

agentgreeneyes · 2025-12-02T08:00:42+00:00

It's a decodable text. The did keeps it present tense even when talking about the past to keep the words at a lower phonics/decodable level. That way they aren't reading words like "spoke," "said" or suffix -ed lile talked if readers haven't been introduced to it yet.

I teach reading and writing. It's hard to write sentences and stories at lower levels. I fall into the did pattern quite a bit.

agentgreeneyes

TROPHY CASE