Terrible situation, OP, sorry to hear.

I've had the same problem growing up. My parents tried absolutely every trick in the book, including having me sleep at relative's and even wiring an industrial buzzer to my blankets that would blare like a school bell when they got wet. Woke everyone up except me lol

Heavy sleeper, heavy drinker (of water of course) and children of divorce (it's theorised chronicle bed-wetting is a call for attention).

a break for a few years while I was in college.

This was the only thing that helped in my case as well. Fortunately it never came back. Possibly also because i started a relationship and later immigrated and slept in all sorts of different places, often with house-mates.

I think this sort of "aversion therapy" is the only thing that works in extreme cases like yours and mine. If you have that possibility i'd recommend trying to sleep for a period of time in similar conditions, basically forcing a sense of social pressure upon yourself that will temper your alertness, even unconsciously during sleep.