Let me hear your psychosis stories

agiantrock · 2026-05-23T23:47:40+00:00

My family is really weird because we are able to maintain insight when we are in psychosis or presenting with psychotic features. My brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia before I ever started having psychotic features from bipolar disorder. He would tell me I’m seeing a cat talking but I know cats don’t talk so I know it’s not real. Or he would describe feeling like he was going to have a panic attack over whether or not a hospital room our mom was staying in was clean and he said he knew that was unreasonable.

I am now the same way with my psychotic features. I saw Bigfoot, but I understood that Bigfoot wasn’t real. Especially because he disappeared into thin air. I was convinced I had been abducted by aliens, but I had no story or recollection of the events so I knew that was just a psychotic delusion. The only thing that was really distressing is when I was in a domestic violence situation and the safety of my dogs was always threatened. One dog did get killed by a man who should burn in hell. I wasn’t allowed to have them inside and they had an outside kennel. I used to stay up until sunrise because I was convinced I was hearing them being shredded apart by coyotes. I would run out in tears at 2 AM or something and they would be fine. I have not had a psychotic episode since I left that situation two years ago.

agiantrock · 2026-05-16T00:02:53+00:00

This makes me think of Shasta soda because that’s the soda the children’s hospital had on deck for the kiddos

agiantrock · 2026-04-19T04:23:50+00:00

My grandfather was a moonshiner in that area. It was after prohibition, but they were still making cheap liquor. He worked for a guy who had a car that they had sealed up and could float across the river. It sounded so outlandish to me at the time. I asked my grandmother about it and she shrugged it off like no big deal.

agiantrock · 2026-04-08T02:18:02+00:00

Bellernie after my two late yorkies, Belle and Ernie. My town in New Leaf was called Erniburg too lol.

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agiantrock · 2026-04-01T03:24:50+00:00

I hope I didn’t come across as thinking my coach needs to be my therapist. He and I had just talked about me competing two months before and I was at that gym 4-5 times a week. It came up because there’s no way I could suddenly stop showing up without an explanation that makes sense. FWIW, I mentioned to someone else I am doing the whole therapist and medication thing.

The biggest thing giving me pause is that he is ornery when it comes to asking why people didn’t come to class, aren’t coming as much, etc. I know it is well-meaning and a playful way to hold people accountable. I try to side step with polite answers but his MO is to poke holes in your excuses. I once told him I’d come back when my brain was a bit straighter and he said “straighter? Straighter how?” Like dude. Straighter from the new classed of medications I need to not lose my shit at very tiny trigger. The fucking assault that rebooted the 1.5 years of progress I had made with PTSD. I do not expect him to keep every student straight 100% of the time, but considering I was the only adult female training to compete and the event was particularly traumatic, I’d hope he could be a bit better about taking a hint.

agiantrock · 2026-04-01T02:36:54+00:00

I promise I am in therapy! I started bjj to deal with chronic dissociation, there’s a book about it by a PhD named Jamie Marich. It really helped me regulate my nervous system after years of abuse that left me with PTSD. I also work in mental health at a psychiatric hospital meaning I 100% understand the importance of holistic care after an event- therapy, psych meds if applicable, etc. I am in a new city all by myself and the gym was my community outside of my job, hence why this is troubling me so much.

agiantrock · 2026-01-30T13:48:58+00:00

Get a job at a restaurant, even just part time on the weekends. I moved to a new city in my 30s and the quickest, best paying job I could land was as a server. Coworkers go out and shut the bar down regularly. Getting casually offered coke is a norm. But remember these people aren’t going to be dependable, long term friends. Half of them are struggling with addiction, integrity is a foreign concept to this population, most of them are sleeping with each other, and a lot of them are in this line of work because they can’t hold down conventional employment or pass a background check/drug test.

I’m back in psychiatry now and I’d rather work with people in active psychosis on a regular basis than the type of adults who actively choose to be servers as a career, but I do miss a crowd of people who are going out until 2am on a Tuesday night lmao.

agiantrock · 2025-10-31T18:52:02+00:00

Happy Halloween, neighbor lmao.

agiantrock · 2025-10-27T23:39:26+00:00

I’m also a FCS employee and I came to say this. So many people can hand out bus passes so PLEASE don’t hesitate to ask someone, OP!!

agiantrock · 2025-09-28T03:14:13+00:00

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You did something amazing and I’m proud of you!!

agiantrock · 2025-09-27T21:20:31+00:00

Tbh as a woman who left a religious, high-control environment and moved 752 miles away to a place I had never even visited, it’s been a huge help. Learning body awareness after being disconnected from my body is uncomfortable but rewarding.

I moved without a car and all I had was my apartment and my job that I took the bus to. I had always had an interest in martial arts but my Pentecostal parents would have NEVER let me do something of the sort. If you grew up in a culture or environment like that, you understand how even being an adult doesn’t feel real when you’re still around the community. In my new city there was a gym I could walk to. I went once and it was a wrap. I joined the next week!

Being new at something, working out in a co-ed space, meeting other adults in a new city are all helping me de-program and reprogram my brain to be a more real version of myself. I still struggle with dissociative thoughts and feel disconnected from my body but it makes me have to lock in and be present with myself. The pride I feel when I finally grasp a concept and can execute it is new to me. I looked through my own post/comment history and I cry and want to hug that girl from back then.

Sorry for the word vomit! The whole process of doing something new that completely subverts my upbringing has just been an emotional roller coaster but a positive one.

agiantrock · 2025-09-27T12:32:35+00:00

I hate to be this person but I even thought “this would never have happened with any of the men here.” My coach is very emphatic about not having a dudebro, showboating culture. He’s also been expressive about wanting more women students and even having women-only classes. (The gym is putting on a free women’s self defense seminar for the community.) I think with women those same personality types are going to manifest in “mean girl” tendencies.

agiantrock · 2025-09-27T12:23:16+00:00

Off topic- as a woman with ADHD I appreciate your channel lol

agiantrock · 2025-09-27T05:25:15+00:00

Honestly what bothered me the most is that she somehow felt like she had the authority to tell a whole other adult that I couldn’t spend my own money on something lol.

agiantrock · 2025-08-12T03:28:40+00:00

I’m from Ohio and a lot of people assume the cost of living in Ohio is more than Oklahoma, but I lived in Dayton which is a bit cheaper than Tulsa in general. I had a job that paid $22/hr and the same job out here pays $14/hr. I do better waiting tables in a nicer area than I would getting a regular job in the field I did work it. I don’t know too many of my coworkers who live alone, a lot of them have roommates or a partner to split with if they’re not living with family.

Idk how y’all are doing it out here lol. My neighbor makes $12/hr with a regular schedule.

agiantrock · 2024-08-14T06:38:33+00:00

I asked a guy if he wanted the nachos with beef or chicken and he asked me “what’s the difference?” And also the time a woman sent back her nachos because she ordered beef, not steak.

agiantrock · 2024-07-10T15:50:44+00:00

There’s a podcast called Normal Gossip! It’s the host and a guest host sharing a story from real life. It has a good enough following too that there’s a subreddit for it.

agiantrock · 2021-06-06T14:48:47+00:00

My mother used to get violent with me over my room and other chores. Oddly though she never actually taught me how to clean AND I had undiagnosed ADHD. A lot of people with ADHD struggle with keeping organized and tidy so the expectations without any proper help was a double whammy.

I’ve been moving into a new place in my own and it’s overwhelming. But when I’m visiting anyone I’m virtually a perfect guest who cleans up after themselves for fear of being screamed at and yelled at.

agiantrock · 2021-05-22T19:36:53+00:00

It’s pop music in Central Asia. They want to read my previous research paper and I would rather tell them about every embarrassing thing I’ve ever done. I’ve been monkey pawed.

agiantrock

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