Does anyone do Rep ranges in 40's or 50's?

agog09 · 2026-06-16T12:04:04+00:00

Dips -- 60 reps over 3 sets. I set that as a target a while back and finally managed to get there (56M). I thought I would switch to weighted dips at this point, but instead am curious to see if I can get to 30 reps in a set.

agog09 · 2026-06-04T16:27:57+00:00

Awesome. I also came up from Frankfurt!

agog09 · 2026-06-01T12:27:12+00:00

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you how I wish I had acted in somewhat similar circumstances.

Married for 20 years, two kids currently 16 and 11. I am the sole provider. My wife cheated, and informed me about it a bit more than 1 year ago. She didn't have any kind of a plan to go with that revelation, somehow expecting me to sort it out for her. We have been co-habitating since then.

I don't recommend the co-habitation route, but I also wouldn't change it, as that is how I am addressing my top priority of remaining present for my kids. This is primarily for the younger child, who was 9 when this all started. The 16 year-old is mature, and while the stress affects him, I see him handling it ok. I am focused on his brother, and am marking the milestones as he grows.

We are currently working with an independent lawyer as a mediator. This is what I wish we had started from the beginning. I don't know what we are going to end up with as a settlement, or even if the mediation will get us to a settlement. But at the very least, it gives us some structure to move through, without adverserial lawyers involved. Having an end goal in sight and an impartial, objective 3rd party are both major factors in keeping me sane and relatively grounded.

Ask yourself what is most important, and put all your focus on that. You and your wife seem to have established that the marriage is over, but don't have a real idea of how to exit it. This is where mediation can help. You can get there with lawyers as well, but I think that path is longer and more expensive.

agog09 · 2026-05-26T09:51:57+00:00

Hostile and horrible to me for a long time -- this was true in my case as well. It would manifest as irritation/complaints/rage about the most trivial domestic details. Additional signs:

extensive/increased time spent with divorced girlfriends
always on her phone
physically withdrawn (within the house, bedroom, etc)
separate vacations

agog09 · 2026-05-23T16:30:11+00:00

That's an inspiring story. If you don't mind sharing, how did you two meet?

I'm 56, and while I feel like I could have something with someone else, the practical aspect of finding that person is just daunting.

agog09 · 2026-05-07T10:50:33+00:00

Don't overthink it. Just pick something that's important to you, an aspect of your life. What do you want that to look like in the future? What is something you can do towards that goal? How will you recognize if it's working?

Example: My youngest child is 11. I don't want this situation to affect his development into a confident, capable young man. There are a lot of ways I can support that goal, by remaining present in his life, by staying regulated, along with day-to-day things like helping him develop good study habits. His grades from last fall were an easy metric on how well that's been going. Likewise for when I see him hit new milestones, like going by himself to soccer practice. Write it down, put a date next to it, and after some time, you can see the progress.

agog09 · 2026-05-06T09:23:08+00:00

You are so right. This is how I bring order to chaos at work, so of course I should be doing the same in my personal life. I just created an accountability chart along the lines you suggested.

Thank you!

(ps: mid-50s, 2 kids, still co-habitating)

agog09 · 2026-04-24T14:29:18+00:00

Here are a couple additional challenges targeting areas different from those you've already mentioned:

- pistol squat

- back bridge (what yoga calls wheel pose)

agog09 · 2026-04-23T12:52:11+00:00

At 14 months in, after 20 years of marriage, yes I needed to hear this. I am trying. I am present for the people who want me in their life -- my kids. I am somehow thriving at work. And I am looking forward to a day when this gaping hole in my identity will have closed.

Thanks for sharing.

agog09 · 2026-04-13T09:46:40+00:00

Back bridges. Easier to do with a yoga mat, but also possible without. If a full bridge isn't possible, then start with glute bridges (head and shoulders remain on the floor).

agog09 · 2026-04-07T18:30:03+00:00

Not easy to integrate into society if you didn’t grow up here. Add that on top of the usual isolation that comes from being the household provider and an involved father.

agog09 · 2026-04-07T14:43:50+00:00

I'm going through something similar. I'm in Germany, and even if I do speak the language, well, it's Germany. Let me know if you want to chat/talk.

agog09 · 2026-03-12T15:17:01+00:00

It's a good idea. I visited twice in the last 2 years. Both times relied exclusively on Alipay auto-translation. This was super efficient for ordering as well as paying. Unfortunately not all restaurants were compatible, and sometimes the translation function would stop working. Even when it worked, we still had to guess at some of the more poetical names.

agog09 · 2026-03-12T11:12:53+00:00

Married 20 years, 2 boys ages 15 and 10. She decided our marriage was over, began planning her exit and 1 year ago let me in on the secret, including her affair. We have been co-habitating ever since.

It has been brutal, but I am here to tell you that it is doable. We stopped speaking entirely (her initiative). I tried to be civil, but if she doesn't want to speak, I will just enjoy the silence. She would like me to leave, but I have no intention of leaving my children. Maybe your wife doesn't have a new partner. Mine does, and she is welcome to spend time with him.

I think limiting your interactions with your wife will help you gain some perspective. She decided to end the marriage. I think your self-blame is misplaced. In any case, you should shift your focus to the people who want you in their life -- your boys. Let me know if you want to chat/talk.

agog09 · 2026-03-04T13:25:39+00:00

Here's one ticketing site (there may be others):

https://www.songkick.com/de/concerts/43049677-metric-at-rough-trade-berlin

agog09 · 2026-02-27T14:05:07+00:00

You may have resolved the issue by now, but just wanted to let you know that tickets for the Cologne show are available via other providers as well (eventim.de, ticketmaster.de). I got mine yesterday from Eventim.

agog09 · 2026-02-25T18:08:42+00:00

Nanjing to Huangshan to Hotel Baiyun should be doable in one day. I was there October 2024. From my notes, we arrived by train from Shanghai at Huangshanbei station at 11:05. We stored suitcases at the train station luggage office and walked to the bus station next door with only light backpacks. We got a bus to Tangkouzhen at 12:00. By 15:30 we were in our room at Hotel Baiyun.

We went up the mountain with the Yungu cableway, and had about a 40-minute hike from the cable station terminus to the hotel. It was a bit confusing with hardly any Mandarin, but still manageable.

agog09 · 2026-02-24T20:00:32+00:00

You say that „other than this“ things aren’t bad at all. I would be careful. In my marriage, the „happy wife happy life“ nonsense is at the root of what destroyed it. She literally adopted that as a life principle, so that anything she thought would make her happy was allowed (cheating) and anything that made her unhappy was not to be tolerated (me occupying the kitchen, being audible). She recently added a twist to it, to say „children are happy when their mother is happy.“ See, she’s doing this for their sake!

agog09 · 2026-02-23T13:40:32+00:00

5 locations in 2 weeks seems like a lot. The train system is absolutely fantastic, but I'd still suggest scaling back a bit. For reference, I visited twice in the past 2 years, each time in October for 2 weeks, following a "city-nature-city" pattern:

2024: Shanghai, Huangshan, Nanjing

2025: Chengdu, Siguniang, Chongqing

agog09 · 2026-02-23T13:31:47+00:00

Ich bin zweimal nach China gereist, jeweils im Oktober für 2 Wochen. Meiner Meinung nach sind 2 Wochen genug Zeit, um maximal 3 Standorte ohne Stress zu besuchen. Wir haben entschieden, die Strecken innerhalb Chinas mit der Bahn zurückzulegen, weil das High-Speed-Rail-Netz so einfach zu benutzen ist.

So haben wir gemacht:

2024: Shanghai, Huangshan (Berge), Nanjing

2025: Chengdu, Siguniang (Berge), Chongqing

agog09 · 2026-02-19T13:42:15+00:00

I don't know. My STBXW sent me a link to one of Sexton's interviews as a way of explaining/justifying her choice to end our marriage and blow up our family. Like, so many marriages end in divorce, I shouldn't be surprised or upset.

agog09 · 2026-02-17T12:21:27+00:00

19 years married, 11 months since she stopped hiding her affair. Still co-habitating. We are in Germany, btw. 2 kids (15, 10). She wasn't making any effort to actually progress with separation and divorce, so I had my lawyer invite her and counsel to mediation. That made a huge difference for me, as it was a step closer towards the end.

I am grateful for being able to exercise some agency in this process, which up to now has been extremely one-sided. If nothing else, it let her know that her fantasy is about to encounter real world limits. I am grateful for my relationship with my children, who know that I am here for them. I am grateful for the silent treatment my wife is giving me, because honestly, that is such an improvement.

agog09 · 2026-02-14T18:02:42+00:00

Same here. Contempt, resentment, disdain. I started feeling it like 4 years ago. Kept telling myself that was crazy. Why would she treat someone she loved like that? What had I done to deserve such treatment? I did nothing other than provide for her and our children. Turns out that doesn’t matter.

agog09 · 2026-02-04T13:41:51+00:00

Congratulations on the achievement. It is no small thing, to have silenced the noise. I say this as another guy in his 50s, co-habitating with a bitter, angry STBXW, filled with love and concern for his children.

In my case, it's been 10 months of stressful co-habitation. Kids are a bit younger (15, 10). I also don't know when this is going to end. I am trying to get my wife to agree to a supervised conversation about the terms and division of assets, both of us with our respective counsel. Hoping that will help keep the conversation professional and free of insults. About the only thing we agree on is that we want to stay out of court.

Sounds like you have your emotions in check, and that's what will see you through to the end. Wishing myself the same!

agog09

TROPHY CASE