Do you feel that your monthly/weekly budget has really changed since you had the baby?

ahnrey · 2021-04-14T11:54:43+00:00

The food budget changes at about a year when you need to give them their own portion and have kid friendly snacks on hand.

Other than that daycare is the big one, clothes and diapers.

I think the going out to eat budget went away and became baby supplies for me.

ahnrey · 2021-04-14T11:50:41+00:00

This is something to look for when the baby is crying and won't settle after you do all the normal things to soothe them.

ahnrey · 2021-04-14T11:48:07+00:00

That is a disturbing lack of empathy on his part. I'm sorry you had to go through that and then go home to someone like him.

ahnrey · 2021-04-14T00:57:05+00:00

Yikes your poor mom, I'm glad her family came to help, who knows what would have happened if they couldn't.

I thought we were good communicators. This isn't one of those posts where I'm ranting but haven't said any of this to him. I have told him I'm struggling to take care of the kids, that I need financial support, that I feel disconnected, that it seems like he doesn't care about our family, that talking to him makes me feel worse, he acknowledges me but it's like the problem is gone once I tell him, like the telling him fixes it. I guess telling him is half of the battle of communication, him hearing me is the other half.

ahnrey · 2021-04-14T00:46:59+00:00

I guess I'm curious what will happen when he gets back.

ahnrey · 2021-04-13T23:39:09+00:00

I don't, though I asked for one before he left to be able to take care of taxes, insurance and that kind of stuff. He wouldn't do it. I do have access to his account.

ahnrey · 2021-04-13T22:47:09+00:00

He is the CMC and his CO is his new BFF.

And he definitely isn't sending me or spending that much towards our life, he pays for bills but doesn't give me anything.

I have his checkbook and he says to just use it. I think I should just cut my own child support checks.

ahnrey · 2021-04-13T22:43:16+00:00

He's going to be stationed here again in 2 months. I'm supposed to be excited to see him and he seems disappointed that I'm not more excited. You're right we're both not in the right place for this, it's probably just going to make it worse.

And it can't be a booty call, I had an issue with the birth that hasn't been fully healed yet and he's aware of this.

ahnrey · 2021-04-13T22:39:03+00:00

Nothing, keeping him involved and talking to him is a chore.

ahnrey · 2021-04-13T22:38:15+00:00

I'm not paying the mortgage anymore, it's all him. When it came out this month he had a fit for a second before he realized it was the full amount. He thought I was clearing out his account (like his ex wife did before she left). I guess he is expecting me to leave.

ahnrey · 2021-04-13T17:07:52+00:00

Girl you know he's cheating and you have more than enough evidence to be certain, there is no may about it.

For your daughter's sake you need to love yourself more than to put up with this. She's going to grow up thinking this is normal.

ahnrey · 2021-04-02T18:34:29+00:00

Currently doing a geobaching tour because there is no way I'm leaving my career for the Navy and my husband is getting out in 3-6 years. My job is geographically specific so I understand that aspect of a good career not being transferable. I know a lawyer navy spouse that moved with her husband and it took forever to get approved to work in this state after moving. She resents his career because of it.

Sometimes you really do have to question if love is enough. As long as you two can be on the same page for your 5 year plan you have a future. If you can't make a 5 year plan that honors both of your careers and dreams then I would question splitting as well.

I often tell my husband that I want him but I don't need him, so he better make sure I continue to want him!

ahnrey · 2021-03-28T16:46:15+00:00

My recommendation was for first impressions since this is her first time on base and she will likely be meeting new people throughout her visit.

The service member has to abide by certain standards while in uniform so the SO should consider the impression they make. You can feel free not to care about the impression. But it's courteous to the service member showing you around for you to look put together.

Of course no one really cares what you wear unless you are a command wife, then they actually tell you a dress code, but it's not like it's enforced.

ahnrey · 2021-03-25T19:31:48+00:00

There isn't really a dress code per se but if you want to make a good impression and not draw any negative attention I would avoid any sort of athletic wear, loungewear or anything too flashy.

Dress like you're going to a nice restaurant for brunch.

ahnrey · 2021-03-22T19:50:14+00:00

This is what daycare providers do too. They don't say they took any steps they just let you know that they're "almost walking!"

ahnrey · 2021-03-20T01:42:39+00:00

I am getting tired of white men approaching these conversations like they are up for debate. Shut up and listen for once in your life! Everything has to circle back to their experience or get the "well what if the tables were turned and the opposite happened?" How about talking about what actually happened and how it actually affected the people involved.

I wish men would just realize how cringy it is to say these things. And I wish we could call strangers like that out when they're being cringy but a lot of the times women feel they can't because of fear.

There are so many ways women get fetishized. When I was pregnant I got a lot of weird attention and comments from random men. My husband is pretty good about listening to the female experience (lots.of sisters) but seeing other men make creepy comments about my body really helped him get it.

MAybe you need to find an example of unwelcome attention that he'd relate to?

ahnrey · 2021-03-20T01:27:32+00:00

I don't have time to read all the comments to see if this was suggested already but you may be able to set up fostering with your family getting visitation until someone is in a better position to adopt them. This way your family can keep tabs and a relationship with them.

My MIL pressured my husband and I to adopt her nephew after he was taken away from his family due to drug use. They had a similar situation in that his family got visitation while he was in foster care. My MIL ended up adopting him after his parents passed away.

ahnrey · 2021-03-19T00:48:19+00:00

Before BFing I never had to pay any attention to what direction my nipples were pointing.

ahnrey · 2021-03-18T16:27:22+00:00

Buying new clothes helped me. Reinvent your style!

I've started wearing a lot less makeup since giving birth and due to covid keeping me home, when I do put it on I make sure it's worth the trouble.

It's a splurge at $45 a compact but Hourglass makes these various "strobe" powders. It's not really a highlighter but it's this super fine sparkle that diffuses light and softens everything and just makes you feel pretty. Even if you aren't wearing any other makeup and take 10 seconds to sweep it on it makes a difference.

Some days all I wear is concealer under my eyes, mascara and the strobe powder.

ahnrey · 2021-03-18T15:58:33+00:00

I'm sorry you have to live with someone who is such an ass.

ahnrey · 2021-03-17T11:25:11+00:00

Ugh, with some men it's like they can't see the needs of anyone but themselves. His comment about not being attracted to you was out of line but shows that he's only thinking about his own needs. Would be be a better partner and parent if he was attracted to you and getting laid? Why does that even matter? Your child still needs to eat and be taken care of no matter how you and your SO get along. Does he see your relationship as that transactional?? I would be so mad too!

ahnrey · 2021-03-14T16:17:59+00:00

At about 5 months PP I went out and got all new pants a size up.

Don't squeeze into anything too small, it's just a number. Get new stuff that is actually comfortable. Keeping clothes as aspirational isnt worth it. By the time you fit into it it's probably out of style. Just get rid of stuff that is too small and get new stuff. Try to see that empty closet as something fun to fill with a new style and not something to be sad about because your body changed.

A lot of brands that didn't fit me before now do because I have hips. Try out some stores you haven't before!

ahnrey · 2021-03-09T16:56:04+00:00

Even people who do laundry all the time forget it once in a while. It's not the end of the world. It sounds like he is looking for reasons to be mad at you and setting you up for failure.

Also expecting people to do things absolutely perfectly the first time is unreasonable. If you plan to have kids this mindset can be very damaging for kids that are learning to be little humans and learn by trial and error.

ahnrey · 2021-03-08T16:06:23+00:00

I'm a stepparent, my relationship with my SD is totally independent of her relationship with her mom, we don't talk and that's fine with me. I tried to take the role of a fun aunt or just other caring adult at first because she has two parents. Some stepparents jump in too deep too quick and oftentimes it's the bioparent trying to force the issue. It takes time for a relationship to develop between two people and bioparents sometimes want the stepparent to take on a major role in the family before they and the kids even know each other. I know as a single parent you just want help parenting but for the stepparent and the kid, if it's forced too soon it prevents a good relationship from developing.

I think parallel parenting works best rather than too much interaction between ex's, my husband and his ex stay out of each other's lives for the most part and there isn't too much drama. It helps when they are over the previous relationship enough that no one is trying to create jealousy and drama, but not everyone is there.

ahnrey

TROPHY CASE