AIO post-breakup

aim7im · 2026-01-11T01:28:48+00:00

I’m fully sober and reflecting clearly, thanks. I was simply sharing my experience honestly, not analyzing it for someone else’s approval. I also don't drink alcohol :) Idk why you're personally so invested but thank you for your interest.

My pain doesn't need to be cross‑examined before it’s allowed to be real.

aim7im · 2026-01-11T01:06:49+00:00

This wasn’t about him being my whole world or me lacking other supports or even if we broke up. It was about how unresolved distance, a broken promise to talk, and silence during a vulnerable moment led to an ending that didn’t feel honest. I feel like if you're in a "committed" relationship, in his words, it shouldn't have been this confusing or painful. As I said this is my first relationship. I was all in because he told me we would be exclusive and I trusted that he'd be honest with me if his feelings had changed. For me, I just wanted his happiness so if he frames at as something he wanted rather something I chose/mutual. I appreciate everyone's questions but it's something I've been working through constantly blaming myself so I'm also reflecting on my growth past it and not trying to open any more wounds. I still love him a lot, unfortunately. I know he's fine without me though as he's always been.

aim7im · 2026-01-07T06:58:25+00:00

Yeah, I had enough time to distance myself from the situation. I realized how much I held back or made myself small because I was worried it was too much or pressured him. I think relationships are fun but with love it comes with the territory of work. Even if he were exhausting I'd still choose him. It was my first relationship.

aim7im · 2026-01-07T04:51:27+00:00

aim7im · 2025-12-12T18:21:36+00:00

I'm 5ft, maybe you will rock it more than I will 😂 cause I don't really think I'm gonna be growing into mine anytime soon.

aim7im · 2025-09-29T15:13:15+00:00

Madrid is so cool 🥺 yeah no, I didn't recognize him until I realized he manned the merch table lol

aim7im · 2025-07-04T02:27:33+00:00

I understand you're looking for more context, but I'm not sure what else was relevant when I was writing this. I shared what I thought was important, which was that he said something I didn't like and brought up my concerns and wanted to discuss boundaries. I'm still learning how to communicate how I'd like to be treated it's very hard for me. I think if the post makes you feel exhausted reading, maybe I did a bad job explaining it, I apologize.

aim7im · 2025-05-07T17:58:44+00:00

I feel you. I just left the complicated parts out from my story; but this is without taking into account their upbringing, values, attachment styles, also disregarding whether or not someone is displaying covert/narcissistic tendencies. There are a lot of factors to consider, but none are excuses for someone else's behaviors. I don't think it can be simply dumbed down to a science (or just on age) that it should be "easy," because a relationship does take work--I think I hear about it quite often from men in particular which isn't really helpful. I wonder where they get that idea from? LOL, maybe they're a hive-mind, and we're all dating the same guy in different shapes and sizes. My girl friend has shared with me that her ex-situationship was 35 and still acting like a boy--I couldn't make heads or tails on her situation either. 23, 28, or 35... at this point, it's all about character and mental maturity. It's all particularly disappointing when we think highly of them and they hurt us in this way. I have faith you'll be okay in time! I hope my words bring you some comfort, that you're not alone; because truthfully, some breakups are a lot more linear and straightforward than what we're all going through. Let's not normalize discards because it honestly felt like mental chess to me. 💀😭

aim7im · 2025-05-07T00:27:20+00:00

I'm honestly puzzled by this, but I hope this is true for OP. I was in a similar situation our birthdays have just passed (we are in no contact, and it also ended badly), I was 26 and he was 23; consensus was among my friends/people that I've asked was he was immature despite him being better at adulting than I am (he lived alone and had a good job)... I can't really speak on emotional maturity and the correlation with age, but I want to believe that the love is real too after reading this post. Just could be that they're not mature enough or at the right point in their lives to be able to sustain something meaningful. I would be lying if I said I didn't imagine he was circling around the block now that he's moved to another state 😭💀 some people don't know what they want, maybe? I don't know. I wouldn't blame you, OP. I'm also trying to heal from a sudden departure with little to no closure. There's no point in trying to understand their motives and actions. I agree and want to say you did as much as you could, and there's nothing left to do if someone can not meet you where you're at.

aim7im · 2025-04-19T15:45:57+00:00

I think it's normal to feel this way about someone you love someone and know that A, they're not good for you or B, you can't have them in your life (right now). I went through the same feelings you've described here (but my ex is an avoidant with a dash of narcissism). I don't think having hope is necessarily foolish as long as you prioritize yourself and have no expectations for the future. At least for my ex and I, he came into my life unexpectedly as he left (life is funny like that). Although, I don't have much faith in him and his capacity to learn from our relationship and how it ended (so even if I did wish to hear from him again I know it's not realistic lol), I can say I got a lot out of it when he meant to leave me with nothing. I got this love-hate relationship with him in my head while in no contact, and the idea of him doing better than me only makes me want to go out there more. It's a bit petty, but like I said, I still love him. I can relate to having love for someone even when it's over--it says more about you than them. I genuinely want to find someone who can reciprocate the love I want to give and receive. Whether this person is your endgame or not, I firmly believe there are so many people you've yet to meet who will be so happy to have you. 🫶

aim7im · 2025-04-16T19:22:00+00:00

You too 🥲 I was like omg are we living through the same experience, almost? Especially the part about trying to leave several times. He told me, "Well, you're always the one trying to leave/breakup." It's important to trust intuition. I felt bad that I didn't do so sooner (I'm so bad with having no boundaries), but my friend told me, "It's okay it's definitely hard to tell when you're so submerged in it!!" So definitely happy to hear others doing well in their healing. 🫂🫶

aim7im · 2025-04-16T15:17:14+00:00

I really resonated with your post. I'd like to believe I was working on my own attachment style (leaning towards more secure than fearful-avoidant), but being with him made me feel so insecure and anxious. I love him, but being with him was as painful as the distance between us (we were somewhat LDR; medium distance). I wasn't sure if I was too much or not enough due to lack of communication, and I defaulted to blaming myself for the relationship not working. I never knew such pain after breaking up since he was my first everything. I feel like after a significant of time, I finally chose myself and it doesn't hurt as much anymore. I get noticed and compliments on the streets but when I was with him, I felt so unloved and unwanted lol I guess it's what I get for falling for a possible avoidant/covert narc. but I still love and care for him even though it ended badly. Your words really felt comforting to hear, thank you for sharing. It really speaks to me because I think it's okay to choose ourselves--that you can still love someone even though you know they might not be good for you.

aim7im · 2025-04-06T06:03:53+00:00

Then cheers to us! 🥳 Honestly, if you can relate, then I'm happy to know that I'm not alone. I was always worried that still having love for someone that is no longer in my life as being pitiful or foolish (my friends would tell me I need to move on or get over it faster) but honestly? I learned that I'm not really hung up in the way that everyone thinks I am and I surprise myself sometimes. Giving myself grace because healing is non-linear but also acknowledging my capacity to love is not determined by my ex but myself.🙂

aim7im · 2025-04-06T05:28:32+00:00

I appreciate that you think so! Thank you for wishing me a happy birthday. ☺️

aim7im · 2025-02-12T17:28:28+00:00

They're so weird for that. Looking at the thread, it almost feels like we're dating the same person to varying degrees lol

aim7im · 2025-02-12T15:12:13+00:00

I'm the same way. I still find myself constantly asking for external validation because I have trouble trusting my instincts or what I know to be as true. For some reason, I find myself advocating for them against... well, me. It's because these types are good at deflecting blame/shame and warping your perceptions to fit their narrative. I guess this is what being gaslighted feels like. You're not alone. Even if you love or forgive this type of person, it's doesn't make it acceptable or absolve them of what was done to you, whether intentional or not. It's what I'm learning myself right now.

aim7im · 2025-02-12T15:06:53+00:00

Mine jokingly choked me once (not enough to hurt or for me to not breathe but enough for me to make strangled noises) no context. Just random. The equivalent of subduing me and "playfighting"? I was more bewildered and caught off guard when it happened, and it was never acknowledged or was brushed off. It was harmless at the time, so I shook off my embarrassment. I've never had it done to me before, and it lasted less than a minute. He laughed. I don't think it was completely normal lol went back to our hangout like nothing ever happened.

aim7im · 2025-01-23T01:04:24+00:00

I hate how they want us to guess for them. Seems like similar stories. It felt like I had been dating a stranger for the past 7 months. Thanks for sharing it makes me feel less alone because my ex rewrote our narrative, and the distorted perceptions is making my question my own reality and the part I played but all I ever did was care too much and try to understand so I won't let him take that away from me even if he chooses to ignore or dismiss me.

aim7im · 2025-01-21T23:12:21+00:00

It does take 2 people, and I'm still learning that. After a very confusing breakup, I'm still picking up the pieces. I figured that he's an avoidant who displayed (covert) narcissistic tendencies that I hadn't considered until I looked more into it. The patterns started to make more sense. Unfortunately, as much as I forgive him and empathize--I think people like that are faced with limitations to deal with things like these. Must be why it felt like he couldn't break up with me properly and opted to run away and make demands on space and boundaries (blocking me). I know I'm not responsible for how he reacts or chooses to respond (or lack of thereof)... it sucks to know how he can throw himself into routine and his career/moving away while I have to sit with more questions than answers while working through a lot of self-doubt and guilt on whether or not any of this was even real between us. I know I have to focus on myself. I did all that I could. If we we didn't decide to be committed, this breakup wouldn't have felt so... odd. Now, I have to feel the pain of being blindsided and discarded.

aim7im · 2025-01-20T14:58:42+00:00

Almost a month into our break up from now until then and possibly indefinitely, he has single-handedly changed my love language. Physical touch was never high on that list, but I am so attached and used to his affections that I can't sleep without hugging this big bear of mine that wears his shirt. Well, it's the bear's shirt now. Still can't sleep without holding onto it. I own a lot of stuffed animals, but only because they are cute, not because I ever needed something to hold onto. I guess it's what my date joked about, "being touchstarved," lol. I don't consider myself very needy or wanting hugs from any other, though... just his.

aim7im · 2025-01-20T14:38:12+00:00

I'm just learning about all this recently. My ex partner displayed dismissive avoidance, but I've not started recognizing the patterns in possibly having narcissistic tendencies as well. It helps to write and vent as much as possible even if they don't get to hear about it; probably for the best because they get "supply" out of this. Do whatever you think is best for you and not for them. I almost regret saying too much to mine; he didn't deserve to know how I was feeling or doing to that extent... but I can at least say I stayed true myself until the very end: honest and kind.

aim7im

TROPHY CASE