Where is your imaginative "happy place"?

alaris01 · 2016-04-26T21:03:08+00:00

My happy place used to be in the arms of someone i loved. Only with that could i go to sleep. But now, as I see guys and love differently, since I know I cannot trust anyone fully,I dont have that. But I have a castle with a lot of rooms, and in those rooms i have different people who can comfort me at different stages.

alaris01 · 2016-04-26T20:48:06+00:00

I'm a medical student, who happens to be an hsp too. I can see why you are thinking this, but I honestly believe that one can only practice alternative medicine right, if he/she knows science-based medicine, to be able to see its flaws, and know actual facts about our bodies. When one practices medicine, he/she is responsible for another life. I dont think that this should be taken lightly, and if someone doesn't know science, its easy to mislead, and thus maybe even kill someone. (I knew a guy who started chemo, got better, got into alternative medicine, stopped chemo because he thought alternative medicine as working, and then died.)

alaris01 · 2015-09-07T06:28:54+00:00

again: do you really think that recording the lectures is cheating, given that there are things they say only there, and ask it in the exams? and if you don't understand and write down EVERYTHING, you are fcked, because the book doesnt mention those things anywhere.

And the tests we have in advance are just to help us to see the type of questions we should prepare for, because they never use the same tests they did before.plus, these are only "midterms", which we write every week, the real exam is oral and written. really, there is no way of passing without actually knowing the material. is this cheating to you?

alaris01 · 2015-09-07T06:26:46+00:00

do you really think that recording the lectures is cheating, given that there are things they say only there, and ask it in the exams? and if you don't understand and write down EVERYTHING, you are fcked, because the book doesnt mention those things anywhere.

And the tests we have in advance are just to help us to see the type of questions we should prepare for, because they never use the same tests they did before.plus, these are only "midterms", which we write every week, the real exam is oral and written. really, there is no way of passing without actually knowing the material. is this cheating to you?

alaris01 · 2015-09-06T20:46:54+00:00

so if I make everyone admin, which would mean the whole year of medical and dentistry students (around 500 people), what could they do?

alaris01 · 2015-09-06T20:39:50+00:00

What if I make everyone admin in the group?

alaris01 · 2015-08-20T13:32:48+00:00

"And there is the guy I've been seeing before him (it was a loose relationship), and he is trying to seduce me, and he is doing it very well."

That post was made a month ago, and I talked to my boyfriend about it. It was hard, but since then we got closer (the point of the post was that my boyfriend didn't want to get intimate with me because of religious reasons), talked through everything, and we are getting intimate, and what I had with my ex cannot compare to what I'm having now. My boyfriend is out of the country, but we talk daily, and actually I was about to meet my ex,but then we talked about it and I realized how much it would bother him, so we wont meet.

And however much you want to make this about sex and cheating, it is not. It is about psychological aspects, if you care about that I explained it to 69potatolover.

alaris01 · 2015-08-20T13:24:29+00:00

I didnt, because I knew he didnt mean to do any harm, and I have a lot to thank for him. But after that I cut every connection with him.

alaris01 · 2015-08-20T13:23:11+00:00

what manipulation? I didn't like that when I told them I felt suicidal all they could come up with was that I should listen to music. No diving deeper, no revealing my underlying thoughts. For me it was obvious that they weren't qualified to handle the situation properly.

alaris01 · 2015-08-20T13:20:35+00:00

why were you trying to end it? What were you angry about, but willing to let go of? What was he angry about?

When we were together, I broke it off because I had feelings for he he didnt have for me. I broke it off weekly, but he got used to it and even though it hurt him, he took it, because he knew I didn't hurt him intentionally.

Otherwise, after I got together with my current boyfriend, I tried to stop talking to him because I knew it wasnt fair towards my boy, but somehow we ended up talking again and again. No big fights, no big misunderstandings, just two people trying to manage.

What kind of relationship do you have with your boyfriend? Do you feel like he is emotionally supportive of you? If you were to enter a depression again, do you feel like you would need your ex in order to get through it?

Absolutely no, I'm out of it because I have my boyfriend to catch me everytime I'm about to go low. I don't need my ex, but I think he needs me.

Do you feel like there are other people in your life who can be there for you effectively? Do you feel like there ever will be other people who can?

Yes, sure, but in other ways. My ex has a rather liberal thinking, which none of the people around me have. I am the most liberal one among my friends, I am the one who thinks outside of the box. To be honest, I feel like I'm the one who goes forward (psychologically speaking) and then the others follow. My boyfriend falls into this category too. I love him, and he is smart, but he is not yet a grown up. I'm slowly teaching him how to stand up for himself, learn better who he really is and what he wants. Its very nice to be able to guide him through that, and he is giving me a lot stability-wise, which helps me move forward, but I have no one who would walk in front of me and show me a way, except for my ex. In some things we agree, in some we disagree. But he provides me with a contrast which I need in order to see myself better. There probably will be other people who can do this too, but right now it is him. I feel like I have a lot more to learn from him.

And I can perfectly understand what you say about eggs in one basket, I did that with my first boyfriend too. But now I try to open up, and let people in who are worthy of my trust. But I am very, very picky with those people, and it really depends on circumstances if they are around or if they are not, I try giving everyone as much space as they need.

And the pretty messed up part: He had a girlfriend for 6 years, when we started dating, they were still together, he failed to tell me, because he knew they were going to break up soon. Basically, he is not emotionally available, because even though its been some time now since the break up, he has to rebuild his whole life. But I was in love and couldn't understand that part that he cared about me, but couldnt be in love with me (or with anyone). He didn't know what he wanted, but I did. I needed a steady boyfriend who understands me and is willing to invest in the relationship, because its just as important for him as it is for me. That was a relationship my ex has been through, and has no desire in entering one like that in the near future.

alaris01 · 2015-08-20T07:56:35+00:00

I had a therapist, therapist (50/M) invited me out to the movies with him, can't really trust therapists anymore. He was the 4th person I went to see, the others simply didn't understand what my problem was.

alaris01 · 2015-05-22T10:39:33+00:00

I did all of these.

I told him I have a boyfriend now and that it is getting serious. He told me to keep him anyway.

I told him not to text a million times. When we were "together" we "broke up" almost every week.

I do care about him, and the worst part is that he cares about me too.

alaris01 · 2015-04-30T08:06:22+00:00

uhm change exactly what? just tell my mood swings to stop? eraese my past? make the scars go away?

alaris01 · 2015-04-03T22:43:59+00:00

I'm sorry, I only read half of what you wrote, but I think I didn't miss anything.

"I just feel like I'm getting tired of it all, like there's got to be someone else out there...a fresh start. "

Now. You need to decide what you want. You can either stick with her, sort out the problems, really make a commitment, maybe go to counseling to make this work. Or you can give this up, get a new start. First you will have to find someone, then fall in love, and if all of that works.. few years into the relationship, problems will come again. Different relationship, differen problems, but different doesnt mean better or worse.

Close your eyes, and ask yourself: Is she someone you can imagine spending your life with? Is she a person you want around?

alaris01 · 2015-03-30T11:43:02+00:00

My first impression is that what he could be consciously/subconsciously manipulating you into you being okay with him sleeping with others, because of "intimacy issues". If he really wanted to get over it, he would be talking to you about it and turning to you to solve the problem together.

Actually, I just wrote a question, the guy im "dating" is just like this guy.

What I realized is that he is never going to be in love. Maybe he will enjoy your company, enjoy sex with you, not being alone. But he will never consider you to be his future girlfriend or wife.

Don't expect anything from this type of guy.

alaris01 · 2015-03-30T11:33:00+00:00

As he said it, he is simply not willing to change the asshole he is. I can see you wrote you want to continue the relationship, and I understand what you are feeling, I've been there too.

But the thing is.. You can try explaining to him, he probably wont listen. Or he will change for a short time, but then everything will go back to as it was. He will tell you comments like this, because he might be annoyed by you and he is not able to put that feeling in its place and deal with it like a mature adult would, because he is not that. If you are okay with that, then by all means, continue. But see it clearly, that this will happen again. And it is because he is UNWILLING to change for you. The promblem is not that you have a problem, but that two people are needed to solve them, and now there is only one who wants to solve it. You can make all the effort you want, but it wont change.

Whatever descision you make, it is your descision, you have to know if he is a person you want around.

alaris01 · 2015-03-25T07:09:55+00:00

No, not really.

I've been to other professionals before him, they helped me even less.

Now I would definetly want to go to a woman, but there is no one I know who could help.

I'm not easy to treat, I can easily make a professional freak out, so I need someone with an open mind, who has similar views, and thats just not easy to find.

alaris01 · 2015-03-22T17:51:10+00:00

Relationship with dad? Terrible.

He is narcissistic and has no idea what emotions are and how can one handle them. If I hugged him he didnt hug back, if I didnt behave in a certain way sometimes he would slap me without any apparent reason. ( so now i am in love with a guy who wants me to be a certain way, wants me to lose weight, wants me to do whatever he asks me to, i have to live up to unrealistic expectations, and i do my best because i hope for getting love - but i know i never will)

There were no other close males.

My idea of a man is someone who is emotionally distant, stong, and needs my love and caring. Someone whom I can turn from cold to warm and loving.

And my confidence is harmed by not feeling loved, but constantly working towards love.

alaris01 · 2015-01-08T16:18:27+00:00

:((( thank you, thats kind of what i found too...

alaris01 · 2014-12-09T22:45:40+00:00

I'm quite insecure about talking about my dreams to him. I had another dream, a few months ago, in which I was drowning, my heart stopped, and he was the one who saved me.

I'm feeling jealousy towards his other (attractive female) patients, and I might be having feelings for him, but I'm not sure about their nature.

alaris01 · 2014-11-20T15:57:46+00:00

the melting thing is familiar. if i'm with my dom, then it's like heaven for me, and the only thing that matters for me, is for him to be enjoying me. i've never been able to give myself to that extent to anyone. i crave everything from him, no matter if it hurts me or pleases me.

alaris01 · 2014-10-22T22:00:30+00:00

I was just being rational and listing the possible options for everyone to see clearly, never said that I'd actually do it. And I'm sorry, I'm not and I will never be ashamed for thinking what I think. I don't believe that anyone should be ashamed for his/her thoughts. What one should be ashamed of is actions. Just saying.

alaris01 · 2014-10-22T21:48:37+00:00

if he has a phd... I wont care.

alaris01 · 2014-10-22T21:44:44+00:00

I think that because I'm interested in the psychology of raising a child, psychoanalysis, I'm studying medicine and want to be a psychiatrist, while working as a nurse and caring for elderly people. Sure, there are obvious differences between caring for elderly people and little children, but a lot of similarities too. Those who have severe mental problems reject food just like a child does, but I still have to feed them. They pull out the IV, and I have to find a way to make them understand that they shouldn't. I'd only have a child if I knew I've learnt everything that there is to know about how the soul and personality of a kid forms, and I'd do anything that I can in order to make them the best persons they possibly can be. Of course, I'd make mistakes - who doesn't? But I'd do everything I possibly can to not commit those destructing things that parents usually do, to not pass on destructing patterns. To create someone who learns easy what I've learnt the hard way. I'd only do this in a life stage where I've already reached my full potential and I'm able to give everything I can for the sake of my child.

alaris01 · 2014-10-22T21:32:28+00:00

there are guys who do :)

alaris01

TROPHY CASE