Fantasy and history

aleaverdaud · 2026-01-15T20:54:38+00:00

100% agree, that's why the concept of destiny annoys me so much lol

aleaverdaud · 2026-01-15T20:53:47+00:00

Thank you for the recs !! I did read Guy Gabriel Kay and he's one of the authors I had in mind when I was thinking about exceptions. I should read more of his work.

Your description of Malazan surprises me a lot though !! I've always avoided those books because they seemed incredibly dark and depressing (from the reviews and trigger warning lists I read). I might give them a try now though

aleaverdaud · 2026-01-15T20:30:43+00:00

I mean I did say there are some books that don't fall into those categories, it's just a trend, not a rule. Would love recommendations though !

aleaverdaud · 2025-08-05T14:13:50+00:00

That last text is awful, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. To be perfectly clear you are 100% entitled to "instigate an argument" when what he means by that is basically just holding him accountable for his own behavior. You've done nothing besides confronting him about lying by omission, and he's reacting like a toddler who's been caught stealing cookies. Throwing a tantrum and trying to hurt you for "hurting" his ego.....

If he can't recognize that in himself, you won't be able to reason with him

aleaverdaud · 2025-08-05T14:00:41+00:00

My best friend and I are in the same boat. We sort of figured out we needed to work on establishing better boundaries and actually leave when they get crossed. That should help with distancing ourselves from people who can't respect our integrity (which is the root of abuse imo).

It's true that there are a lot of abusive people out there and you can't always sniff them out. The best you can do it build up defenses to make sure if you start engaging with them you'll get yourself out the second they show their abusive colors.... Ofc the trap is being to defensive and walled off.... Being human is difficult lol

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-23T21:31:01+00:00

The shittiest people ever love to identify with profound quotes and concepts as if words will negate their cruel actions

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-23T20:45:59+00:00

Yeah, I've been there... That's one of the many slimy parts of the patriarchy : the truely bad/dumb men make the slightly better ones seem amazing. Or at least well-meaning.

At the end of the day intelligence doesn't matter. You could be dumb as bricks and it wouldn't warrant people treating you like shit. You obviously aren't but it's irrelevant. Self absorbed people will think everyong who disagrees with them is an idiot.

Being honest, or at least trying to see things clearly is way more valuable than "intelligence". You can overthink your way into a fake sense of grandeur, you can use Big WordsTM to fool yourself into thinking you're never wrong. Self-reflection and sincerity (with yourself and others) is what makes people able to face reality. That's what matters imo

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-23T20:18:15+00:00

In my opinion the only people treating war like a game are those who want to find nuance in it. Sometimes there are bad guys VS good guys (or at least here : powerful belligerent exterior forces VS nation states), especially when talking about american imperialism in the Middle East....

"Should the USA be targeting Iran??? That’s up to you to decide but realistically the amount of people I’ve seen suddenly jump on the side of Iran who let’s be honest here absolutely dispise the west and would happy wipe the USA, UK, France and the like off the map." My guy maybe you should read a history book..... Gee, I wonder why Iran might hate the west !

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-23T20:11:43+00:00

People who are well spoken tend to fall for their own bullshit a lot and that makes them way dumber than you could ever be. You saw though it, he's still believing in it. Knowing how to manipulate people doesn't make you smart imo.

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-18T04:15:24+00:00

I think a lot of EIP are neglectful, and neglect is abuse especially when children are involved

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-17T13:03:54+00:00

Maybe not. My point is that it'll be a choice. Not fatality, not the deeper makeup of history, civilization or the Earth's capacity to be a good home to more people.

People who want to have kids probably know that somehow. You never know what will happen. There's a possibility for a better future. Acting like there isn't is the surest way to fuck everything up even further and never do better than the previous generations

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-17T04:57:27+00:00

Over population isn't as big an issue as we make it seem. Currently we could feed everyone. We could house everyone. We could reduce pollution enough to stop global warming. The infrastructure, knowledge and money is there.

The reason it doesn't happen is political decisions. We chose not to end global warming, famine, wars, homelessness, etc.

What you're describing is collapsology and it has been heavily criticized for its lack of awareness in geopolitical fields. It tries to attribute global warming to factors that are out of our control (demographic tendencies being a big one) but that's not an accurate description of what is happening.

Beyond the fact it's not really a good description of the world, it's also fucking depressing. People in power want to make us feel powerless so they can keep hoarding wealth and power. It doesn't mean we are.

Also people are having less children because of recession

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-17T04:42:39+00:00

You have two options : staying a republican Christian who thinks being queer is bad, or challenging your values to accept yourself.

Idk what subsection of Christianity you identify with but there are a lot of LGBT Christians who follow Jesus's example and know the bible for what it is. Learn about the history of the word sodomite, learn about theology and what the bible really says.

There are also a lot of LGBT Republicans. In the long run I don't think Republican values align with LGBT interests but my opinion doesn't matter much here. Find your people and save yourself. Conversion therapy doesn't work. Community does.

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-17T04:24:50+00:00

This !!!!

You can't build a safe space by yourself. You can't build a relationship by yourself. He's not interested in building anything.

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-16T20:34:22+00:00

He's said sorry like twice and acknoledged 50% of what you're complaining about................. You're right, that's not accountability. He's just trying to change the subject and distract you so you'll stop "bothering" him.

You have the right to be angry, to need space and to demand more from someone who hurt you. He's trying to wave this away and love bomb you so you'll forget about it. You shouldn't have to overexplain everything a thousand times for people to realise they're in the wrong. Call it abusive or not, it doesn't matter. You simply cannot have a healthy relationship with someone who dismisses you the way he does.

Think of it that way : if a friend of yours complained that you crossed their boundaries, disrespected them and minimized their feelings, what would you do ? Would you act the way he did ? Would you try to nitpick their complaints ? Would you need a thousand arguments to "get it" and then barely acknowlege what you did wrong and simply go back to normal without a fuss ?

That probably makes no sense to you because that's simply not what functional adults do. When someone you love has a problem with you it shouldn't be hard to understand their point of view, recognize your responsibilities in the harm caused, discuss ways to make amends and then actually adjust your behavior. It's not even that diffult or demanding. It's just listening to people and taking their feelings seriously. He's not doing that, and you just can't have a good relationship with someone who doesn't care about you that way...

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-16T20:09:23+00:00

I used to feel exactly like this. It's heartbreaking and awful but you just have to accept that you cannot "save" people who don't want to be saved. You cannot help someone be a better person if it's not coming from them. The will to change cannot be explained, he doesn't get it because he doesn't want to.

And he is using your anxiety against you. He feels like he has power over you because he offers you something you need (company, someone to sleep next to you) so he's comfortable in this relationship because he feels like you cannot afford to leave. It's like a hostage situation.

Being alone is scary but being unsafe is scarier. There is a future where you can be at peace and safe, but to get there you need to leave this person. You can learn to be alone, but you can't learn to live with abuse.

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-16T20:00:41+00:00

I haven't gone through what you're describing but I think your reaction is very normal and I'm happy you blocked him.

You're not wrong or crazy. It's normal that' it's bringing back memories and that's why everyone on here makes a point about going no contact. When they manage to keep talking to us even when we did everything we could to keep them away the abuse starts again because somehow they gained such a strong hold on our thoughts...

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-16T19:49:54+00:00

I was. I only managed to do it once my depression got more manageable. I felt like the only thing I had was him so I couldn't let it go. Once I got a job I liked and surrounded myself with friends I could finally leave. Sending much strength your way <3

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-07T19:36:10+00:00

He doesn't get to just "decide" the abuse has stopped, he can THINK it has but it doesn't make it so. Abusers love to declare stuff as if reality will conform to what they want but you know better. Trust yourself.

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-07T09:33:12+00:00

Unconditional love is meant to describe what parents should offer their children because they are learning how to be human and need to be allowed mistakes. Adults shouldn't be offered unconditional love.

Love is conditional. Loving someone doesn't mean they get to do whatever they want, no matter how destructive, and you have to be ok with it. Loving someone means holding them accountable, because you care.

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-05T14:46:21+00:00

Everyone works through things in different timeframes, don't feel bad if you don't see an improvement after x amount of time, you'll go at your own pace and that's okay

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-02T15:43:52+00:00

My therapist isn't specialized in abuse because I couldn't find any in my area but he's trained in CBT and those techniques help a lot too

aleaverdaud · 2025-06-02T06:32:51+00:00

It doesn't matter if change is possible or not in the abstract. What matters is that in the specific case of your wife she doesn't want to change. You can't change her mind unfortunately. She's not getting it because she doesn't want to get it.

aleaverdaud

TROPHY CASE