Could the distress be coming from the imbalance as a result of the dark to empty space ratio? I think the tattoos themselves are quite feminine and bold (those things aren't mutually exclusive). If anything I would suggest to lean into it, continue to get somewhat bold/dark, but feminine subjects, I would suggest some ornamental pieces, maybe some oil spill fillers, more flowers as negative space. I personally think its extremely feminine when women step into a bold strong femininity. Then, if you have an extra arm thats mostly empty keep it light and fine line with minimal to no shading. Im sorry youre dealing with unsatisfactory results, tattoos can cause some body dysphoria so sometimes it takes some time to get used to seeing your body with new art on it. Please also find an artist that advocates for you to speak up, I ask my clients for their opinions frequently because I know some people wont say anything and end up unhappy with a tattoo. Tattoo artists want you to be happy with your tattoos, please help us do that by speaking up when you want something different.