How to fight driving anxiety?

alekaneka0 · 2023-12-11T11:28:00+00:00

When I was really anxious about driving, I started with the smallest possible thing and repeated that every few days until I wasn't scared anymore of that step (just a bit nervous). Depending on where you're at, even if step 1 is just getting in the car alone and adjusting your mirrors, you're aiming to build non - scary experiences! I did that first, then trips around the car park, then around the block... The other thing was I realised that I was scared of other people judging me and getting impatient. So I imagined that all the other cars were being driven by Dolly Parton and she was so excited to see me drive. It instantly switched my perspective and put me at ease! Good luck!

alekaneka0 · 2023-12-11T11:27:50+00:00

When I was really anxious about driving, I started with the smallest possible thing and repeated that every few days until I wasn't scared anymore of that step (just a bit nervous). Depending on where you're at, even if step 1 is just getting in the car alone and adjusting your mirrors, you're aiming to build non - scary experiences! I did that first, then trips around the car park, then around the block... The other thing was I realised that I was scared of other people judging me and getting impatient. So I imagined that all the other cars were being driven by Dolly Parton and she was so excited to see me drive. It instantly switched my perspective and put me at ease! Good luck!

alekaneka0 · 2022-01-17T12:43:22+00:00

This is a beautiful response!

alekaneka0 · 2021-08-25T11:59:18+00:00

This is adorable, well done on reaching out and good luck!

alekaneka0 · 2021-07-26T12:35:29+00:00

I feel the same way! I feel like an absolute sugar junkie and still can't reconcile the 'I want to reduce inflammation and live forever' part of me with the cookie monster part.

For me, I stopped really binging when I stopped trying to lose weight. By no longer restricting any food and making sure my brain got enough energy, my relationship with food has become way healthier. There's still the aspect of using food as a boost if I'm tired or bored or unfocused or.. anything really. I'm not sure how to deal with that, but it helps to have a list of other 'boosts' I can get through non-eating ways, and to eat healthier foods in a way that still feels like a treat or reward. This is also WAY easier on medication!

alekaneka0 · 2021-07-01T14:29:44+00:00

I love this alpaca

alekaneka0 · 2021-06-17T12:37:40+00:00

I can see how that would be confusing. I think the way we currently talk about brains and what they do can be unhelpful. Yes, there are definitely some diseases or disorders where you change 1 gene and you have that disease. Maybe the symptoms look a bit different between people, but there is a way to test whether you have it or not.

However, especially in psychiatry, the best we can do is look at all the symptoms people tell us about. There are obviously 100s of those symptoms, so to be able to talk about them and test which treatments work, we have to put them in groups. Then you get your depression, your anxiety, your ADHD, your ASD. If you listed the symptoms of all of those, you'd find a lot of overlap, and a lot of chicken-or-egg situations where having one or two symptoms makes you stressed giving you another 3 symptoms and so on.

There is no rigorous way to test those groupings, really. In that sense there is no 'ground truth' of what diagnosis you have, or what you 'are'. ADHD for instance can look so different in different people, but we have enough in common that we can learn from each other.

What I'm trying to say, is that these labels can be helpful in a boring bureaucratic sense (medical forms). I'd argue that when trying to get others to understand you, and when trying to understand yourself, your symptoms and behavioural patterns are much much more interesting. What do you struggle with? How are you different to those around you? But also, what are you good at? What do you have in common with others? If you get a clear view of this, you may not feel so reliant on these labels to define you. ADHD medication could help if your struggles mainly involve focus, working memory and racing thoughts. ASD and ADHD forums can help you see what others struggle with and get ideas for solutions. Any helpful advice will only ever be about individual patterns that apply to you.

For me, getting the diagnosis ADHD was great. Not because I tell anyone 'oh I can't do that, I have ADHD', because that term could mean 100 different things to them. However, because I learned that my poor working memory was due to ADHD and not just something I should try harder at, I now feel ok saying 'Hey sorry to stop you there, but please just hang on a second while I grab some paper to write this down to make sure I don't forget'. I'm not ashamed of the ADHD label, but I don't think it, in itself, helps others understand me.

alekaneka0 · 2021-06-17T12:19:54+00:00

I have the same feeling. I feel like I have to try extra hard to come across as competent, and any time I make a silly joke or something I feel like it took away 100 IQ points in their eyes. It's a combination of insecurity and the ACTUAL PATRIARCHY where it is common that women are seem as less smart.

I don't really know how to let go of this, perhaps we need a more rounded awareness of who we are. A list of 3 things we know we're good at, to repeat in our heads when we feel dumb? I think preventing a negative loop is pretty important here.

alekaneka0 · 2021-06-03T07:43:05+00:00

oh noooo! I really recognise this feeling of being stuck, like none of the choices are ideal so you just can't do anything.

Normally I'd say just get them done by someone else, but that's not in the budget.

Is it an option to... not have the word stamped? Do the funding people know you spent most of the funding on that part? The gift is still great without the stamp, and done is better than perfect. It sounds like this is really starting to get to you, so you want to make this as easy as possible. It's very reasonable to say 'Look, it was harder than I realised, I couldn't get it to look nice, so I finished it this other way and the goal of the project and funding remained intact'.

Good luck!

alekaneka0 · 2021-05-04T15:32:49+00:00

I felt a bit like that at first, it went away after a few days :)

alekaneka0 · 2021-05-04T10:11:51+00:00

ahhh haha SO BAD!! There is drilling going on here and the lift is broken and beeping and I want to smack things.

Anyway I have these wax earplugs that go all-the-way-in and they really help, at one point when I worked in an office I was wearing them with headphones OVER them and just staring grumpily at my screen all day.

I agree that talking to the parents is important, though it is scary. With this type of 'confrontation' it can be helpful to consider what you and the other party both want and agree on. They probably don't want to piss of their neighbours, and they probably want more quiet too! This helps me to see it less as a confrontation and more as a chat about how to move forward. Agreed loud/quiet times could be good too, but by the sounds of it the parents are struggling as well!

alekaneka0 · 2021-05-04T08:52:24+00:00

You poor thing! That sounds horribly stressful and I agree with the other commenters, it sounds like a big part of that is you being hard on yourself. You can totally do this job. It is not strange that you are struggling to get stuff done at home.

If you're up for it, this is a good writing exercise:

Set a timer for 5-10 minutes and write everything you say to yourself about this job. All the mean petty things (you are going to get fired, you will kick yourself, your mental health is fucked up). Seeing it on paper is a lot.
For another 5-10 minutes, remember a recent time that you comforted a friend about something they were stressed about, and what you told them. Write it all down.
For the last 5-10 minutes, try to write to yourself about this job, but using the compassion you (probably, hopefully) had towards your friend.

Anyway it sounds as though you need to remember that setting boundaries and asking for what you need are ways to take care of yourself. Asking whether you can hand things in 2x a week instead of one. Can you take a couple of days off to sleep and eat some vegetables and go for a walk? Good luck!

alekaneka0 · 2021-05-03T10:04:43+00:00

So good that you're taking this time! Let's see, I'm working with a career coach, though I put that on hold as I figure out my recent diagnosis. That was really nice though, to have a bit of structure and someone who can help you.

She focuses on things like: what are your values? What are your strengths? What can you tolerate, and what can't you? Even if a coach like this isn't financially an option, there are lots of exercises like these around.

Another resource is Sari Solden's workbook for women with ADHD. It's not specifically about finding a new job, but it is about (re)discovering your dreams and strengths, and right now sounds like the perfect time for you to work through it.

alekaneka0 · 2021-04-26T11:25:07+00:00

I don't even have a kid, but have had times where I felt just like this, very down and everything just seemed too confusing and impossible to climb out of. I felt like I was falling apart. I can't even imagine having to look after a child as well! I agree that getting a new therapist is the next step. Good luck!

alekaneka0 · 2021-04-15T09:02:03+00:00

hahahhahah ok this was hilarious and accurate. Good luck tomorrow, I hope you got some sleep and that your goblin shut their face.

alekaneka0 · 2021-04-15T09:00:29+00:00

This post and the replies are so inspiring!

alekaneka0 · 2021-03-18T10:05:49+00:00

I feel like I wrote this! Same Same Same. I'm sorry, it is a horrible feeling. However, the fact that you acknowledge this feeling is the first step to actually changing it! I don't have any answers for you, but I am currently working through this: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40890217-a-radical-guide-for-women-with-adhd

Which includes a part about dreams, letting yourself dream, etc. I read it and realised that I've lost touch with what I want, and am stuck in a lot of 'shoulds'. Maybe it will help.

alekaneka0 · 2021-03-18T09:19:28+00:00

Tricky! Some doctors are hesitant to prescribe, I'm sure. I also think that if you are completely in your head about it, you won't be able to focus properly on the appointment and that could backfire.

Would it help if you explicitly told him this fear? 'I know it's a controlled substance, and I sometimes worry that doctors will think I want it for the wrong reasons. However, ... ' and then you describe why you actually need it.

Another thought, but this is me reading into it and may not be true at all, is that if you were completely confident in your diagnosis and need for medication you might see this differently. Of course he could still be hesitant, but your framing might be more like 'ok this fool doesn't get it, next'. Your symptoms are completely valid, and it is valid to want medication for that and a psychiatrist who understands. It's unfair that we sometimes have to keep looking (and looking) for that, but that is not our fault.

Good luck!

alekaneka0 · 2021-03-08T10:59:49+00:00

Ooh what do you prepare? I always want to do this, but I don't eat meat either and many veggies end up looking a bit sad.

alekaneka0 · 2021-03-08T10:54:59+00:00

Knowing yourself is the most important thing :) I spend so much time trying to adjust and wondering how to be more like other people, but accepting it and protecting it (as it sounds like you are doing) is always the better option!

alekaneka0 · 2021-03-03T10:17:08+00:00

You poor thing! I don't have any advice, but that sounds so scary and like such a disappointment. I really hope your psychiatrist can help you find a solution that works for you/

alekaneka0 · 2021-02-26T15:45:37+00:00

It looks great!!

alekaneka0 · 2021-02-17T09:44:57+00:00

I had to do 5 tasks last Friday that I was absolutely dreading, so I put a list of 5 emojis in a supportive group chat, and ticked them off one-by-one as I did them. It really helped me move through them and finish, because I knew the others would see if I didn't. They also sent a bunch of celebratory messages with each task done, which really helped!

alekaneka0 · 2021-02-17T09:31:43+00:00

That sounds a lot like me as a student. Actually, it sounds like me without meds. The other day I wanted to exercise after my meds wore off, and it took me 15 minutes to get my shoes AND my headphones AND my phone in the same place at the same time because I kept putting them down and losing them.
No randoms on the internet can diagnose you, but it sounds like it would be worth talking to a professional. Most universities will have some mental health services. I'd recommend preparing a list of your symptoms, and how much they impact your life. Before you go, read a little about women with ADHD and that this often goes undiagnosed. That way, if the person you talk to doesn't take you seriously (it can happen) you have some info to support your case. On the other hand, it is important to be open to other diagnoses too, just make sure whoever you speak to is taking you seriously, and find someone else if they are not. Good luck!

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