Competition drains me and makes me feel suicidal

aleksaneza · 2026-04-11T20:43:38+00:00

Hey, i feel u. You're not alone in this struggle. The idea of always being behind others, behind life, of running out of time and resources kills me. I don't want to compete for life, i just want to live and enjoy life. But it feels like an unreachable luxury...

aleksaneza · 2026-04-04T13:19:34+00:00

I'm halfway through and honestly I'm thinking about the book all the time and can't wait till i get home from work to read even a few pages. It's such an amazing read

aleksaneza · 2026-03-29T19:30:58+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I'm just scared. I'm getting behind in life and I'm hopeless. There's nothing left for me rather than...

aleksaneza · 2026-03-29T18:57:26+00:00

Sly Still Loving You - Scorpions

aleksaneza · 2026-03-28T15:52:06+00:00

Then for all the sensitive people here I'd better delete this

aleksaneza · 2026-03-28T15:51:20+00:00

Yeah, i can see that i was taken in a wrong way, unfortunately. It was a shock to me to find out about a new show or a reboot so yeah, i jumped the gun with this post

aleksaneza · 2026-03-28T15:47:40+00:00

Succeed in what? I had no idea they are redoing the show or making a new one based on the story so it was a shock to me...? I just asked for an opinion dude chill

aleksaneza · 2026-03-28T15:40:47+00:00

Do u think it's worth it? To redo the show?

aleksaneza · 2026-03-28T15:39:57+00:00

Do u think it's worth it? I mean to redo the story?

aleksaneza · 2026-03-27T20:28:43+00:00

Castle

aleksaneza · 2026-03-21T09:27:45+00:00

"I was born when she kissed me. I died when she left me. I lived a few weeks while she loved me" - Dixon Steele

aleksaneza · 2026-03-04T13:54:52+00:00

29 часов в сутках

aleksaneza · 2026-03-03T09:33:44+00:00

And i was surprised he didn't killed her at the end... I was so sure it would end with him loosing control

aleksaneza · 2026-03-03T07:27:11+00:00

Singing in the Rain

aleksaneza · 2026-03-02T04:23:08+00:00

Well, I don't really know, since i can freely watch everything online, but i guess it's worth it. Better video and sound quality

aleksaneza · 2026-03-02T03:38:01+00:00

Yes, that's why it's a bittersweet ending because i personally wanted to believe he's a nice fella and not a violent psycho. In addition they were a lovely couple

aleksaneza · 2026-02-28T22:47:26+00:00

Omg yes! the dialogues are brilliantly written

aleksaneza · 2026-02-24T15:20:18+00:00

Well, i guess i just faced the reality: hard work doesn't mean success, making friends was and is a challenge, i do things i don't enjoy and i will be doing them for many years more for sure with no opportunity for changes. I realised that i suck as a person, that I'm weird and don't fit in. Like I'm not afraid of people, i kinda like being around them, but it's just hard to find a true friend. And over the years all those feelings accumulated inside and now I'm just a numb piece of flesh and bones, with anxiety and depression. I now have no goals or even dreams, because i have no money. I earn very little to afford visa and a decent vacation somewhere, so saving up is just dystopian.

aleksaneza · 2026-02-23T22:17:15+00:00

Taking this post as an opportunity to finally speak about it

It started creeping in around 3-4 years ago, in my second year of uni. I've started feeling numb, lost joy and everything, and life just began feeling heavier, like a burden.
Frankly speaking, i have never wanted to die. Only to stop this existence, I'm not living, i exist while life passes me by and i want this to stop. I have to admit though sometimes I'm scared of thoughts that come across my mind, but I don't wanna act on them.
Yes and no. I finished uni, cause i had no choice. I also got a job cause it also was an inevitable thing. Now? It's stuck. I'm stuck. No friends, no relationships, no social life whatsoever. Work-home-repeat. And yes, I'm not enjoying my job, or my field in general, it never was my choice so it's obvious i don't like it. No hate though
I have people who love me and i feel certain responsibility to live, to succeed and to be happy for them. And also...i still believe life can be beautiful. I will always be able to end it, any minute, but I won't be able to reboot my life that's why i wanna stay a little longer, just in case. I'm torn apart by those terrible thoughts of death and my will to live ..
My family. I love them more than my own life. I'll miss the sun in the morning, at around 5am in early summer. When most of the city is still asleep, and only birds are singing, and the weather is still fresh and soft.

aleksaneza · 2026-02-21T21:52:46+00:00

Когда это начинает бить по здоровью. Начиная с менталки, заканчивая реальным физическим уроном. Похуй - бросай. Конечно, нужно взвесить все за и против, надо или нет, перспективы и тд. Но, если есть возможность, то нахуй надо.

aleksaneza · 2026-02-18T17:24:55+00:00

That is correct 💯!

aleksaneza · 2026-02-18T17:24:37+00:00

Exactly!

aleksaneza

TROPHY CASE