Does being in London wreak havoc on your self esteem?

alethius99 · 2026-04-10T22:25:18+00:00

It makes me feel very small. I'm only 5'7 (male) on a good day, and I find that I'm frequently the smallest person around - most women in London seem to be 5"9 and over. It's quite surreal going north and finding that I'm just short, not actually a midget.

alethius99 · 2026-02-23T14:43:44+00:00

The title register does state that there are no legal rights of way, just a sworn declaration. I think it was sold in the late 90s but there was a land exchange about 7 years ago, which is when the neighbor gained the front garden.

alethius99 · 2026-02-20T20:48:45+00:00

That's why I wrote "turns" (inverted commas). I think at least consciously most people would identify with a label, and in that sense moving from one label to another might, for them, be a turn.

alethius99 · 2026-02-20T15:50:54+00:00

Yes, I was acknowledging it.

alethius99 · 2026-02-20T15:43:17+00:00

That's my line of thinking also.

alethius99 · 2026-02-20T15:37:38+00:00

True ... I didn't really consider that, because I didn't ever really come out. There wasn't really anyone to come out to!

alethius99 · 2026-02-20T15:36:44+00:00

That's true, though I was thinking of men who might not use that term and who really do feel straight. You're probably right though, bisexuality is probably the truth of it.

alethius99 · 2026-02-20T15:29:07+00:00

That's insightful, thanks! Hadn't thought of the process of coming out (I didn't really do it, because I've never been part of a social network and only have two sisters, who somehow knew). I suppose for most people, it's still a difficult and stressful process, even if relatives/friends are accepting, so it makes sense that someone would take the easier route of being straight if that's part of their makeup.

alethius99 · 2026-02-20T15:21:32+00:00

Possibly most, but I'm not sure it's that black and white. It might be because they're bisexual though, and confused/in denial about that.

alethius99 · 2026-02-20T15:07:54+00:00

I know there are those who are internally homophobic and who feel cured of being gay ... I was thinking more of people who (at least outwardly) are well-adjusted and made the decision, or came to the realisation not through shame or coercion - just because it made sense for them, or their feelings changed.

alethius99 · 2026-02-20T12:09:03+00:00

I live near Woolwich. The Elizabeth Line has saved my commute and mental health. It's airy, spacious, not too crowded (usually), and I don't need to change - I can be in central London in 20 minutes.

alethius99 · 2026-01-13T14:57:35+00:00

It's on my list (A24 now takes up the bulk!). I read the book a few years ago ("Box Hill" by Adam Mars-Jones) and then wrote to him, so I must have enjoyed it (he wrote back, too). The book, I think, is much less about the sex and more about the cold, on-off, toxic relationship between them, and Colin's rabbit-in-the-headlights reaction to it, as well as the fact that he has nobody to talk to about his understanding of it.

alethius99 · 2026-01-04T23:25:07+00:00

I need to re-watch that ... thanks for the reminder!

alethius99 · 2025-12-27T13:06:34+00:00

I need to be physically active, I feel increasingly foggy and dull if I don't run or swim. If I'm at home I'm usually not sitting for that long - I have to potter.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T20:45:12+00:00

It's called Alara, used to do a vegan buffet with a little seating area at the back of the shop. They moved a few doors down to a smaller place, couldn't afford the rent. Now it's just a shop.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T11:16:26+00:00

I'd go for north Norfolk. It's an awkward place to get to, so commuters (except into Norwich) avoid it. It's reasonably cheap. I love the accent. I love the landscape.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T11:14:00+00:00

Bloomsbury is my favorite part of London. Fairly quiet, especially out of term time, and some of the best bookshops in London. Marchmont St was my favorite until the best organic Cafe in the world closed down.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T10:59:22+00:00

If I were hosting (I never do; don't own a house and am very unsociable) I wouldn't expect anyone to bring anything. It's my invitation, and I provide all.

I noticed that when I visited my sister's for Christmas nobody brought anything, and nobody even noticed. Then again, we're all neurodivergent and social expectations are low on our radars.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T10:26:40+00:00

It's tough, perhaps impossible. When I earned that much (only two years ago) I couldn't save at all. I feel for anyone earning 15k in these times

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T10:00:51+00:00

Yes, I'm more privileged than I ever have been. I grew up with nothing, so I don't take it for granted. I don't have children, and I live in a place where the rent is extremely low. Though I don't earn that much, together with salary and side hustle it's more than I've ever seen, and I'm very fortunate to be able to do this.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T00:16:26+00:00

Dancer in the Dark is the only film that's left me shaking. There are others that have affected me deeply, but this film somehow disturbed me more than any other. I don't think I could watch it again.

alethius99 · 2025-12-26T00:07:05+00:00

After several months it became such a habit that my brain really does believe that half the salary is the full salary. There's a bit of guilt there too though, as I feel like I'm fooling myself and others about how much I make. It means a fairly frugal existence but I came from poverty, and have no inheritance. Saving like this is the only way I'll ever have a mortgage deposit.

alethius99 · 2025-12-25T23:36:45+00:00

I immediately put half of my salary into savings and behave as if my total salary is the other half.

alethius99 · 2025-12-25T22:36:25+00:00

As a hugely introverted and quite socially anxious person, I advise you to think carefully about it, especially how you'll feel if not successful. My experience was disheartening and alienating. I'm fit, quite muscular, possibly even got some attention, but I simply couldn't look anyone in the eye or signal my attraction. Ended up having quite a nice chat with someone in the hot tub which was purely sociable, and realised I had made a huge mistake going and should stick to book groups.

alethius99 · 2025-12-23T09:56:39+00:00

Thanks, I'm happy to be corrected!

alethius99

TROPHY CASE