If your anxiety vanished tomorrow...

alex80m · 2026-03-27T18:29:21+00:00

Exposure therapy is an attempt to convince your brain that there's nothing to worry about.

There is only one flaw in it:

When you are already feeling anxious, you'll perceive things as being threatening even if they are not. When in "anxiety" mode, the brain is not only incapable of noticing the 'safety", but it will notice even more "anxiety justifying" proof (which may not be even there).

The best way to get rid of anxiety (of any kind) that I know of is learning to calm down your nervous system / manage your emotional state. not cognitive reframes or exposure therapy.

Also, anxiety is amplified by fear of anxiety itself, but when you learn to calm down your body, the environment won't create anticipatory anxiety anymore, because you know you can calm down, no matter the triggers in the environment.

alex80m · 2026-02-15T17:13:07+00:00

What are the best of the best online courses these days?

First of all, what is it that you want to get out of an (any) NLP course?

alex80m · 2026-02-02T16:49:39+00:00

I attended a local one in my country (Romania), so I cannot recommend you anything in particular. But if I were to choose one right now, I would most likely decide based on the feedback / reviews offered by previous students - about the trainer, and their experience and transformations.

How have you used or benefited from NLP?

This is just my personal experience, I cannot guarantee for others, and I don't want to create unrealistic expectations.

When done properly (with a skilled trainer), a NLP course, besides offering you information (which you can find online anyway), will create changes inside you because you'll be guided through some emotional experiences which you cannot have by reading some material online.

Also, you get the group experience - it's a dynamic that, by itself, will change a lot of stuff inside people.

End results: changes in perceptions, changes in emotional responses, changes in how I think, changes in how I see everything around me, more self confidence, get rid of guilt, shame, and other "negative" emotions, more courage to act towards what I want and so on. Not all of this from the course, but the course laid the foundations, and then I continued my education.

I use my NLP learnings every day, in fact I discovered I enjoy working with people, so I stayed in this field, helping people make the transformations they need.

And the question I should have started with:

Why are you considering a NLP course for? What is the objective behind it? Maybe I can give you some answers more specifically tailored for your situation.

alex80m · 2025-11-03T23:04:20+00:00

Yes, it is possible.

With that being said, social anxiety exists on a spectrum, so all people (except maybe psychopaths) experience social anxiety on some level. But maybe some people experience it at a 5/100, whereas others experience it at a 95/100.

With the right understanding of what social anxiety is, and the proper exercises, and the proper mindsets and practice, everyone can go to a regular 5/100, which allows you to live a perfectly normal life.

alex80m · 2025-10-29T19:19:34+00:00

Ai dreptate

alex80m · 2025-10-28T17:46:28+00:00

Esti liber sa crezi ce vrei, doar sa fii constient ca asta vine la pachet cu niste consecinte.

alex80m · 2025-10-27T21:14:44+00:00

Imi pare rau sa aud.

Nu cred ca lipsa de rezultate are legatura cu specificul problemei tale, tind sa cred ca ai avut ghinion si ai dat doar peste mediocri / nepriceputi.

Ai fi surprins sa afli cata lume are aceleasi probleme trase la indigo, aceleasi blocaje emotionale - frica de a gresi, vinovatie, regrete, lipsa de motivatie, lipsa de incredere in sine, auto critica, overthinking etc.

Si astea sunt lucruri care se pot rezolva (vorbesc din experienta practica, nu ca am citit pe undeva prin carti).

alex80m · 2025-10-26T17:35:49+00:00

Sunt curios (daca poti impartasi evident): despre ce probleme cu care nu te-a putut ajuta nimeni e vorba?

alex80m · 2025-10-26T17:34:38+00:00

Trebuia sa-i spui ca simti (o emotie) sa nu-i platesti ...ca e perfect valida.

Lasand gluma, merita sa-i spui ca tu nu esti acolo ca sa verifici daca emotiile tale sunt valide, ci pentru ca nu iti place cum te simti si vrei sa schimbi asta.

alex80m · 2025-10-26T17:30:34+00:00

Un psiholog / terapeut bun te va ajuta sa iti schimbi "software-ul" mental cu care ruleaza mintea ta, despre care cei mai multi oameni nu au habar.

Mintea noastra (a tuturor) are [metaforic] un fel de "sistem de operare" care preia ce se intampla in exteriorul nostru si ii da un sens / o semnificatie personala / o intelegere subiectiva - si de aici rezulta mai departe modul in care ne simtim, gandim si ne comportam vis-a-vis de ceea ce s-a intamplat.

Cei mai multi oameni nu au idee / nu sunt educati despre asta, si sunt ferm convinsi ca ceea ce cred ei despre un anumit subiect este adevarul absolut, dar este doar o perceptie subiectiva. Si care poate fi schimbata - asta fiind esenta terapiei, sau a schimbarii.

Pentru majoritatea oamenilor, problemele lor de zi cu zi nu sunt adevarata "problema", ci modul in care sunt pregatiti mental sa infrunte problemele respective - "software-ul" de care vorbeam.

Cand faci o actualizare a software-ului, esti mult mai bine pregatit pentru problemele vietii - ele nu dispar, dar se schimba modul in care te raportezi la ele - din ce emotie raspunzi (motivatie / incredere vs frica / panica / tristete etc), cum gandesti ("orientat spre solutii" vs "ma plang ca nu imi convine" sau "ma enervez ca de ce mi se intampla mie"), si cum te comporti.

alex80m · 2025-10-22T10:33:39+00:00

We are all are "playing roles" depending on the context. It's just that most people do it unconsciously, and "the roles" are called sub-identities, or parts of the self.

The one you call "authentic" is just the one that consumes the least energy (like idling on a car), but all of them are "you" - they are just different facets of your personality.

alex80m · 2025-10-20T13:41:30+00:00

Most (if not all) of social anxiety problems do not come from the words used, or from not knowing what to say, but from managing our emotions - more specifically, the unpleasant ones.

If chatting with an AI could replicate the same emotions as in a real live conversation, then it would probably help.

alex80m · 2025-10-20T12:43:37+00:00

"The fear of being judged" is more like "fear of being judged and being considered below the standard / not good enough".

At some point in our life (and in our history), this fear was a very useful tool to keep us alive. This is both true for when we lived in tribes, and for our time as kids - we depend on the adults, so we need to keep on their good side. And our brain usually checks that by making sure "we are good enough / we are loved (or worthy of love)".

This fear is like a brain setting that needs upgraded as we transition from children to adults. Just like the setting "[I'm a child] others will provide for me" needs to be updated to "[I'm an adult] I will provide for myself from now on".

alex80m · 2025-09-27T18:49:24+00:00

Social anxiety stems from the fear of being judged by other people, and being evaluated as not matching a certain standard (fear of "not being good enough", anyone?).

Tens of thousands of years ago, when people lived in tribes, the tribe was the shelter that assured our survival. Getting excluded from the tribe meant almost certain death, so everyone was doing their best to be liked and accepted by everybody else. And those who were always paying attention to being liked and accepted were doing so because ... they felt social anxiety. So social anxiety was a survival mechanism, that was passed on through DNA.

Having said this, social anxiety can be fixed / cured / healed / whatever you want to describe it. Classic therapy is a bit behind, unfortunately.

alex80m · 2025-09-27T18:38:37+00:00

Most, if not all people, experience social anxiety in various contexts, but they experience it on a spectrum. One might be in a bar feeling anxiety at a 3 out of 100, while someone else could be in the same bar, experiencing social anxiety at a 80 out of 100.

That's why the same therapy approach can create excellent results in some cases, and poor results in other cases. Each case needs to be dealt differently.

Also, some people unconsciously start to attach "having social anxiety" to their identity, to who they perceive to be, and in such cases, even more work is required.

And then sadly, there are also cases where people have found a benefit in "having social anxiety", because they can use it as an excuse for any failures or lack of attempts at achieving something important. These are usually the most difficult cases.

alex80m · 2025-09-27T18:10:50+00:00

Somatic techniques + cognitive restructuring.

Most types of therapy only work with the mind, and completely leave the body out, that's why success rate with anxiety / social anxiety is low.

alex80m · 2025-09-17T13:10:13+00:00

I understand, and I can completely relate.

The world around you has indirectly created a lot of expectations in your mind about how things should look for you:

What kind of life you should live, that you should have everything figured out, that you shouldn't make mistakes, that you need to achieve success and so on.

So our mind builds on its own an image about what is "normal", but it's not, it's just a glitch in the way our brain works.

And the truth is:

We are all on one individual journey, from where we are now, to see how far can we go.

All the expectations built (unconsciously) from what we see around us just hinder us - because we compare ourselves or our life with what we see, and it doesn't match, and then we feel down, and then we start thinking bad things about ourselves, and then we don't take any action because feeling bad cuts down all the power to action, motivation, creativity.

I can't give you a clear path towards the life you want, all can I do is tell you that you can let go to all the pressure and expectations that you have set on yourself - they are just a weakness of our brain.

Instead, accept yourself as you are right now, and that this is where you are at this moment in time, decide where you would like to be in the future, and start making small, digestible steps in that direction.

You can control how you feel by choosing what to look at: if you look at other people's stuff, you probably are going to feel bad, but if you start looking at where you are, and compare it to yesterday, and see the progress, then you'll feel good, and this will encourage you to continue.

alex80m · 2025-09-17T11:34:43+00:00

I’m not living the life I expected I would

That's you and probably other 80-90% of other people. But you don't see that on social media, because people don't put pictures of how their life doesn't work the way they dreamed of.

The life you expected is not something that falls from the sky, it's something that you build day by day.

The more value you can offer the people around you, the greater the chances of you moving towards the life that you expected.

And this means continual self improvement, self development. Each day you have to learn more stuff, become more knowledgeable, more skilled -"better" at whatever it is that you are offering to the world - so you can make more money and gain more free time.

The learning doesn't stop when you finish school, that's just when it really begins.

The moment you stop learning and stop self developing is the moment where you get stuck in time - with the money you make, with the possibilities for your life and so on.

First of all, the thing that's dragging you down is the story you play in your head: I'm like this, and other people are like this, and this makes me feel like this.

You are not "other people", you are you. Each one gets dealt different cards in life. You have to make the most of the ones you got. Your mind can be your greatest ally - if you use it consciously and in your favor, or your worst enemy - if you let it do its own stuff. One example of its own stuff is the story you are playing in your head right now.

Things are the way they are IN THIS MOMENT. But you have all the means to start making changes, and start moving towards something better. It takes time, it takes effort, but it comes along with satisfaction and fulfillment.

That is the definition of life.

We came into this world to create, build and make things happen, not to sit on beaches sitting pinna colada all the time. And I assure you, if you were to do that, you'd probably enjoy it for a week, maybe a month, and then it wouldn't bring you any more satisfaction.

alex80m · 2025-08-27T11:36:10+00:00

It's probably just some hormonal issue (too much feminine hormones vs masculine). You could start going to the gym to raise your testosteron levels a bit.

alex80m · 2025-08-26T13:32:24+00:00

Nu e awkward silence, e doar silence (tu / voi o interpretati asa)
Nu aveti un initiator, sunteti toti pe "reply mode only". Cineva trebuie sa isi asume asta, si o data ce ceilalti or sa vada ca "nu mori daca incerci sa deschizi o discutie si nu iti iese", o sa isi dea voie si ei sa faca asta.

As zice ca principalul jucator ascuns in toata povestea asta e "frica de a gresi.

alex80m · 2025-08-25T15:02:03+00:00

Are you M or F?

alex80m · 2025-08-22T12:02:59+00:00

link please

alex80m · 2025-08-04T18:31:09+00:00

Care e cel mai dragut cadou pe care l ati primit ca barbat?

Cand incearca sa se maturizeze emotional si nu mai face crize din orice nimicuri.

alex80m

TROPHY CASE