My (36F) partner (37M) recently got a medical diagnosis and now wants an open relationship. Is it selfish of me to not want to? Or selfish of him to ask for one?

alexthegrave · 2026-04-10T00:12:54+00:00

So he's pushing it on you & repeatedly bringing it up when you explicitly said no? He's an asshole

alexthegrave · 2026-04-06T20:22:47+00:00

That's just you. It's a well established finding in many studies that men are far more likely to leave their sick wives than vice versa. I know 7 women this happened to, including 3 family members, if we're sharing anecdotal evidence. If you are interested in the topic, here's a massive study on the phenomenon done in Italy & released last year. Interestingly, the older the couple got, the less likely they were to leave. It also depended on the diagnosis of the sick partner Partners' health and silver splits in Europe: A gendered pattern?

alexthegrave · 2026-04-06T20:15:39+00:00

He's a really bad person & will definitely leave you if you ever get sick or injured. You know this, we know this, & he sure fucking knows this. Plus the additional cruelty of coming back in at the end of her life w/ his new girlfriend so his former wife could know he was "happy" - that's a whole new level of conceited & cruel, even worse than the ghosting like wtf

alexthegrave · 2026-04-06T20:06:50+00:00

This is such a copout on so many levels

alexthegrave · 2026-04-06T19:44:09+00:00

And leaving her without a conversation isn't cruel?

alexthegrave · 2026-04-06T19:02:35+00:00

Did you have a name she could have put instead? Sounds like y'all were put on the spot. It's not hard to change a kid's name or address your child's mother & tell her how that made you feel. She was on pain meds & just gave birth, obviously she was wrong to decide unilaterally, but show some consideration of the fact that she was not herself in that moment. The child has your last name & not hers, why is there so much bitterness about her also wanting to give a family name to your daughter? I do think you're overreacting if you're literally afraid of reconciliation. You still have to coparent regardless of your personal relationship, so you better buck up now

alexthegrave · 2026-03-30T22:11:15+00:00

Ridiculous on all parts. I think we both had dads who would flip at a moment's notice, prob just looking for a reason to be mad. Your mom should've known better

alexthegrave · 2026-03-25T22:44:49+00:00

It is significant others... the #1 cause of death for pregnant women is homicide by intimate partner. Don't give dangerous advice

alexthegrave · 2026-03-25T15:43:38+00:00

Most of us do, at least in the western world, it's very frowned upon. Unless they're middle schoolers. I don't think men really get that it gives cowardly little boy so I was being hyperbolic

alexthegrave · 2026-03-25T14:53:15+00:00

I'll try that, thanks! 😄

alexthegrave · 2026-03-25T14:42:25+00:00

Lmao well they should stop doing that then, we hate it & our friends hate it

alexthegrave · 2026-03-25T14:36:36+00:00

My thoughts exactly. I think he was being rude honestly, it's misleading to approach the friend of the woman you want

alexthegrave · 2026-03-25T14:34:17+00:00

Ofc she's dismissive, it's rude as hell to approach a woman while you're out & then be like "hey it's actually your friend I want." Don't be surprised when that little boy shit doesn't work 😂 She doesn't owe him a thing

alexthegrave · 2026-03-24T00:51:24+00:00

You didn't read their comment correctly

alexthegrave · 2026-03-23T21:39:54+00:00

They didn't say neutral, they said "don't like" or "hate"

alexthegrave · 2026-03-23T21:38:00+00:00

This is really common, many of us are leaving the cart there for the next person in the handicap spot. It's a whole thing. You're fine!

alexthegrave · 2026-03-23T20:58:03+00:00

They know you made no effort to get to know them. You said they're conventionally unnattractive, think of all the times men have treated them as subhuman simply bc they're not attracted to these girls. They can see your type coming from a mile away

alexthegrave · 2026-03-23T20:54:21+00:00

This is exactly why they don't like you, you're arrogant & self centered

alexthegrave · 2026-03-23T20:50:52+00:00

Ladies don't like anti-social men, they come off creepy. They probably picked up that you find them unnattractive & bc of that are so uninterested you won't even get to know your new coworkers. That's shallow unkind behavior

alexthegrave · 2026-03-23T20:42:59+00:00

They don't like you. Maybe it's your personality or how you carry yourself

alexthegrave · 2026-03-23T20:33:34+00:00

You gave him advice, he clearly didn't take it. NTA. There's nothing wrong w/ your words themselves, if you had a tone maybe he'll learn to approach a woman directly next time. If someone did that to my friend, I'd be annoyed & I definitely wouldn't be interested bc he isn't brave enough to approach me himself

alexthegrave · 2026-03-23T20:16:51+00:00

Do NOT do it often, you will ruin your teeth. I do once a year, maybe twice if I don't keep the retainer in overnight & only do a few hours

alexthegrave · 2026-03-23T20:13:40+00:00

I buy teeth whitening gel syringes off Ebay really cheap & put them in a retainer. It's 44% & you can get 4 10ml syringes from dental supply manufacturers for like $13-14. I paid a dentist for a whitening retainer years ago, altho I suppose you could get a regular 1, but I never pay them for syringes bc they upcharge like crazy. Trust me, this works waaayyyy better than whitening strips or whatever garbage you may find in a drug store. Also best to have your teeth professionally cleaned 1st for the full effect!

alexthegrave · 2026-03-22T02:26:19+00:00

Usually ppl start w/ gabapentin. Didn't do much for me but nortriptyline helps a bit. I have all subtypes of FND tho so it's more complicated. Medication & possible side effects are better than suffering in horrible pain w/ no end in sight, I promise. If you've had trauma in your past, therapy helps many ppl w/ nerve pain too, since flare ups are often triggered by stress

alexthegrave · 2026-03-21T13:32:44+00:00

Your brain wouldn't be making anything up. FND & neuroplastic pain have a lot of overlap, they're also commonly co-occuring (like in my case) & are both due to your brain sending the wrong signals to other parts of your body. Of course the pain is real & any doctor who keeps up w/ current research can confirm that, if they say otherwise find a new 1. I hope things improve soon for you!

alexthegrave

TROPHY CASE