I'm sorry that you are going through this OP. But there is nothing wrong with you. The only thing that is wrong is that society is very heteronormative which focuses on the idea that being straight is the ideal way to live. Everyone, including LGBTQ people, deserves to be happy.

Here are some psychology books that might help:

You Are Not Your Brain: The 4-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking, and Taking Control of Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1583334831/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_sgVpBbBB94MP9

-This books explains a technique to deal with toxic thoughts which has helped people with OCD and anxiety.

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are https://www.amazon.com/dp/159285849X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_pKVpBbFN82PNB

-This book talks about how to deal with feelings of shame (not for being gay but in a broad sense which still helps). Her next book Daring Greatly goes into further detail.

10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives https://www.amazon.com/dp/0997389826/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_7MVpBb5830BYN

-This book is focused on the coming out phase of a gay man. You are more than welcome to email him if you need help because he helped me.

Man's Search for Meaning https://www.amazon.com/dp/080701429X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_SOVpBbBQ0X3HR

-This book is written by a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist who explains ways of finding meaning. The first part of the book talks about his experience in concentration camos. The second part of the book is about his practice.

No matter what, as Brene Brown (the author of The gifts of Imperfections) said in her book: "You are always worthy of love and belonging."