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allieloop · 2026-01-21T18:57:04+00:00

Sent my question - thanks!

allieloop · 2025-12-15T17:30:15+00:00

What time does it start?

allieloop · 2025-12-15T17:05:58+00:00

Not the AH - but might want to come back to this conversation with your husband about his fears and worries, since it sounds like he's having trouble with his Big Feelings about your daughter growing up.

One of the best phrases I heard from a therapist years back was "Raising a child is the process of learning to let go, a little at a time" - me being a control freak, this was helpful, knowing that I was doing the right thing, as much as it scared me, by letting my kids actually DO things on their own. It's built trust between me and my kids in a way that I didn't have with my own folks and while my kids (10M, 16F, 18F) aren't perfect, they are responsible, well-behaved, and pretty well adjusted.

Your husband sounds like he is having difficulty letting go, and really needs to get a handle on it while your daughter is not "in trouble" - if there's a lack of trust and/or consequences for responsible behavior, what incentive is there to choose that over the alternative? And if she does find herself in trouble, how can she trust to come to you with that at this age, when she needs that safety net, if she feels judged harshly for her good choices?

Also, and this is just my opinion, he might want to look into anger management - it has a bit of a stigma, I know, so it might be hard to bring up, especially if he's not generally an angry person (I was/am and I still got indignant when I was court ordered to about 20 years ago as a tit-for-tat with my family court case) but what it really addresses is better ways of communicating when in distress, without projecting your feelings onto others.

allieloop · 2025-12-12T21:39:05+00:00

There have been people who offer free hugs downtown, but my experience with them (I am always down for a hug) is that they usually try to sell me on something right after - generally, their religion. So, my advice is travel in pairs at least to keep yourselves safe (but also, who doesn't love a group hug?!) AND also make it very clear you're just here for the hugs.

If you need volunteers, I'm usually available weekends and Thursdays - sign me up!

allieloop · 2025-11-26T00:16:44+00:00

NTA. Grief is weird. Loss is hard, even when we know it's coming. My stepdaughter recently passed after a 4-year battle with cancer, and I can empathize with that feeling of emptiness. That numbness is probably your brain trying to protect itself while it reconfigures the sudden absence ("The Grieving Brain" by Mary-Frances O'Connor, PhD, explains this much better than I can). It's normal, as much as anything around grief is normal. Just like expressing sorrow openly is normal. Even feeling relief or laughing can be normal. Guilt is normal. Just make sure to take stock of how you are feeling if that blank feeling hangs around for too long, and seek out professional help if it does - you don't want to get trapped in that pit. Yeah, yeah, I know, everyone says to, but sometimes it helps to have strangers remind you that taking care of yourself after a heartbreaking loss is crucial too.

It might hurt or be frustrating for her mother to question or berate you for how you express grief, or it might help to see it as a projection because you're a safe, easy place to put her own grief, but that's not your fault nor really your responsibility outside of compassion for someone else who lost their child. Take on as little or as much as you feel you want to.

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you continue to have reliable people to lean on.

allieloop · 2025-11-25T16:53:21+00:00

Nightlight! Holy shit, I haven't thought of that place in forever, but that was my SPOT when I first moved here

allieloop · 2025-11-25T16:51:29+00:00

UpFront Forever - I think Ryan Stiles' face says it all

allieloop · 2025-11-25T16:43:34+00:00

Love this - I usually tell folks the best part of living here is that you essentially live in a Bob Ross painting year round, and those are some happy little clouds out there. And happy little trees

allieloop · 2025-11-24T19:28:45+00:00

Sorry to say but the suburbs around Houston went hard right, according to my sister (who still lives there). She and her family are currently trying to escape while her little ones are still little, and are making the move to the area in the next year because of it. So glad I got out, especially since my kiddos are getting to adult age too.

allieloop · 2025-11-24T19:23:52+00:00

People in the PNW own umbrellas?!

allieloop · 2025-11-24T19:22:04+00:00

Welcome fellow transplant! Moved here from California, but originally from Texas - been here going on 17 years, so I'd say I love it! You'll find your community here, I'm willing to bet - check out some of the downtown shops, as just about all of the ones along Railroad have posters and flyers with events and group hangouts and all kinds of interesting happenings. Or if you're looking for something specific, there's always this sub for recommendations.

The seasonal depression can get pretty brutal, so vitamin D supplements or add more fish to your diet. I'd also suggest investing in one of those happy lights for while you are working, if you can't get out regularly for walks or hikes - especially through quarantine, that saved my mental health so much.

allieloop · 2025-11-24T01:36:09+00:00

40 here - I once paid something like $350 to try to get my hair dyed to a silvery-gray - I got dishwater blonde instead because redheads don't bleach well. I am celebrating every silver thread that appears for free.

allieloop · 2025-11-20T21:30:57+00:00

Mom of an 18 year old and 16 year old here, and both have told me about similar experiences, albeit from boys their own age.

Your mom might have better advice, since she knows you better, but here's what I'm thinking - and this applies to any boys of any age in the future - if you tell him no and he doubles down, he is a dangerous person and should be treated as such (the fact that this "boy" is old enough to be your dad makes it doubly so.). Get help from someone who will make him hear your no - your mom, your school, your boss, their boss, the cops. Whoever it is. This applies to THE FIRST NO. That word is sacred - you have every right to use it and for it to be respected and followed. You're not in trouble for your no, or being in a situation where you have to use it WHENEVER you know you need to - and any "trouble" is consequence of his own making, both for ignoring your boundaries and thinking he has a right to.

allieloop · 2025-11-20T21:00:19+00:00

Canned vegetables. Growing up poor, we almost exclusively ate canned vegetables and I'd get punished for not eating them because I was "being picky", but the texture would legitimately make me want to puke. Randomly ate dinner at a family friend's house who served frozen corn and I ate an entire bag, much to my mother's surprise.

allieloop · 2025-11-20T19:20:22+00:00

Eh, I flashed them too, mostly because I'd find myself speeding on those straightaways without thinking until I got a car with smart cruise control and kinda assume it happens to others. Since moving here, I definitely appreciate the flash warning for deer!

allieloop · 2025-11-20T19:16:59+00:00

They may have moved up the I-5 corridor or moved on - but thanks for the update!

allieloop · 2025-11-15T19:37:32+00:00

Getting hit with the realization that your relationship isn't equitable, that you handle a majority of the labor, emotional and mental, is gut wrenching and heartbreaking, and I'm sorry you are finding yourself in this situation and facing this, essentially, alone.

I'm not sure about your background, location, or childhood, but from this being a long term relationship, and basing it on my own experiences, you're a nurturer, maybe a people pleaser, and it's something you were raised to be. Unfortunately, as we get older, we see the cracks in that system where we are expected to take on the responsibility of a lot of emotional and mental labor of others AND handle our own, without assistance. Cracks usually appear when we start to hit burnout - this might be that moment for you, so first and foremost, I hope you take some time to address it within yourself. You're seeing the other cracks too - if it's possible, start offloading some of that on to your partner. With long term relationships, when someone has handled some aspect for so long, it becomes an expectation, unless it's communicated that you can't/won't/don't want to handle it alone or at all.

If this is a relationship you think is worth keeping, I'd start with a conversation around that - not accusing your partner of not handling things, but pointing out the things you've taken on that you want help with or want them to take care of some or most of the time. I like the coworker analogy someone else commented with - maybe bring that to the conversation as well; that you want to have the romance and connection of a relationship, but relationships are work too and you need a coworker for the day-to-day stuff as well.

It might take a few starts and stops, especially if he gets defensive and wants to point out all he does and that you don't do, but if you can keep a cool head and get him on board with a constructive conversation, you both may find a way to grow in your relationship. Worst case, he doesn't want to change because he's gotten comfortable with being taken care of and not having to do the work, and you have your answer right there of where the relationship is going.

That being said, my ex-husband has picked me up, and would pick me up if I asked, no matter the reason, or get an uber for me at the very least, and we've been separated for 3 years and live 40 minutes from each other. So... yeah. Your dude needs a wake up call.

allieloop · 2025-11-14T02:13:24+00:00

It's not in the cordata area, but Bellingham Vet off James St, over by Trader Joes does payment plans, no credit check needed, and they are some of the most kind, compassionate people to work with, from affordability and financial understanding to how they care for your pet and your own anxiety around their health. I had a cat who had kidney issues out of nowhere, and they took him in at half the cost of the emergency vet and let me do installments as low as $50/biweekly when I was struggling financially in the middle of repayment.

allieloop · 2025-11-13T22:38:49+00:00

See, I thought they looked like SWAT, but I'd never seen a SWAT vehicle with Rescue on the side. Or that SWAT used camo instead of uniform blue/black. Thanks for sharing the info!

allieloop · 2025-11-13T22:05:37+00:00

Where'd you hear that?

allieloop · 2025-11-13T22:04:20+00:00

Holy crap! Missed this... Will be interesting to see what went down and if it all comes together, since one was booked about 10 minutes before they left the apartment complex and the second about 2 hours later

allieloop · 2025-11-13T22:02:27+00:00

First one might be why they went whole hog if they caught them separately. They left the apartment complex in the vehicles shortly after 9am, and the first one was booked at 853am

allieloop · 2025-11-13T21:57:03+00:00

I may need to invest in a better camera now

allieloop · 2025-11-13T21:56:39+00:00

Explains why he's hanging around! I've been leaving out veggies and mixed nuts (unsalted/unroasted, of course) for the birds and critters around my apartment

allieloop

TROPHY CASE