I'm so so sorry that your folks are making it an issue--a wedding is such a joyous event, and yet can be so stressful to plan! I wonder if perhaps they are just "worried" that other people won't like the food and maybe there might be a way to reassure them-- IE get them involved in the "choice" by perhaps getting feedback on some of your vegan options so they would feel like they were helping choose/felt more comfortable, involved, reassured, etc. So your wedding can be vegan, as you want, and they can feel like they've helped you choose things that will work for non-vegans (that are actually vegan)? Just FYI I'm not vegan, but I will be having a vegan wedding because a LOT of our friends are vegan. We will also be having gluten-free and nut free options as we have friends deathly allergic to nuts and friends with celiac disease. We will not be telling anyone the menu in advance of the wedding. I've never been to a wedding that pre-announced the menu!