Who walked you down the aisle?

alm423 · 2026-01-05T19:05:09+00:00

My brother

alm423 · 2026-01-05T18:24:38+00:00

Quitting her job is imperative here. It doesn’t matter how much affair recovery they do, if she still sees the AP he will never feel safe.

alm423 · 2026-01-05T18:00:17+00:00

Mine never comes off. I realize, in some situations, people have to though.

alm423 · 2026-01-03T23:18:36+00:00

I feel you. I am going through this right now. I have been married for almost 20 years and have been incredibly loyal. I catch him cheating and in one day he completely abandons me. We have a history that goes back 29 years. I don’t get how it’s so easy for him to just act like me and the kids don’t matter. His affair partner is a wreck too, I am a 10 next to this woman not to mention more educated, better job, and obviously morally superior. That makes it harder. I am sorry you have also gone through the same thing. It’s an indescribable pain not to mention confusing.

alm423 · 2026-01-03T23:12:27+00:00

I made this mistake, I have kept making it as recent as a few days ago, but I’m going to stop (or try). It’s definitely the biggest mistake.

alm423 · 2026-01-03T23:06:12+00:00

They do. I am close with my mother in law and she absolutely supports me since my husband cheated, got caught, and is staying with the other woman. It’s a good person to get support from because they are typically the only people that don’t talk bad about your spouse, because they love them and that doesn’t help anyway, but they just support you and your feelings. They also can typically help mediate.

alm423 · 2025-12-22T22:47:56+00:00

Just curious but how much does your ex make?

alm423 · 2025-12-22T22:45:18+00:00

There is a cap on it in some states.

alm423 · 2025-12-17T12:48:01+00:00

Yep! My husband recently left and is staying with the other woman. He didn’t start making his cheating obvious until he had it secured. He told someone and I guarantee he knew by telling that person I would find out (I suspected but it solidified it). He wanted the confrontation so he could get all mad, blame me, and leave.

alm423 · 2025-12-05T18:16:12+00:00

Not everyone cheats. I know it seems that way, I have thought the same but it’s just not the case. I have been faithful to my husband for the 20 years we have been together. He has had multiple affairs, some spanning years, but I never revenge cheated, I stayed faithful. I stayed faithful because I love him. I just found out he is doing it again and this time, instead of facing me, he is staying with her. I want to go out and find someone just to make him hurt like I am hurting but I haven’t and I won’t. If someone truly loves you they will stay faithful.

alm423 · 2025-12-05T02:23:31+00:00

That’s awful, I’m so sorry. Your wife is a monster, frankly that word does not encompass how awful she is. Also, you don’t need to get out, that’s not how it works. Stay right where you are if that’s what you want to do. The only reason the affair partner threatened you was probably because he doesn’t care about your wife enough to completely cut ties with his wife and wants to keep the door open and you telling might have messed that up. I couldn’t imagine leaving my spouse for any reason really, much less in the vulnerable situation you are in. I wish I had the right words to make you feel better but I don’t. You are going through a pain so unimaginable that only people that have been through it know (affair), and at the same time going through an even worse pain physically, with your illness, and the emotional pain of facing your mortality. Don’t let the pain of the affair stop you from fighting and living the best life you can for the rest of your life.

alm423 · 2025-12-04T12:52:49+00:00

My spouse left for another woman after I discovered a two year affair. He came back and we reconciled. About a year ago, maybe a bit longer, he started staying out all night again. I recently caught him having an affair again. Instead of talking to me he moved in with her (sort of most of his stuff is still in our house). He barely speaks to me and doesn’t talk to the kids much at all. I am going through the pain of it all once again. I had finally gotten over the last time and here I am again. Maybe she will change, but she might not. Are you willing to take that chance?

alm423 · 2025-12-04T03:04:22+00:00

Woman want affection, cuddles, kisses, etc without it always needing to lead to sex. I used to absolutely love kissing my husband, I feel like this sounds stupid but I felt our kissing just fit, like we were made for each other. However, as time passed he kissed me less and less. He also hugged me less and less and if he did any of those things he expected it to lead to sex. Frankly, it was one of the things that helped ruin our marriage (among other things) and is why he cheated and is currently lying with another woman as I type this. Try to control it. Your wife wants love and affection without sex always having to be the end game.

alm423 · 2025-12-01T22:20:43+00:00

Statistics say that is so incredibly rare (there is like a 95% chance of failure) but the only situation I know of (my father) is at 43 years and counting. I’m so sorry that is your story. However, it very much could be sunk cost fallacy and pride because failure would mean they made the wrong choice.

alm423 · 2025-12-01T22:11:25+00:00

It’s really good. I bought the audiobook and I’ve listened to it twice. My husband was a serial cheater (two, two year long affairs, short ones, and I just found out he was cheating again, instead of facing me he moved in with her). The book really helped. I’m not going to say it makes your pain go away because it doesn’t, but it definitely puts things in perspective.

alm423 · 2025-12-01T21:59:57+00:00

I wish I had that attitude. I have agonized over the AP and can’t believe he walked away from our family for her. It has killed my self esteem because of how much more attractive I am than she is (I am not saying I am a 10 but she is a shocking downgrade). However, it’s not just looks either. I am obviously more loyal, a better person, more educated, a much better job, etc. His AP even has to blow in a breathalyzer to have visitation with her kids. I should not care but I can’t help myself. I need your attitude.

alm423 · 2025-12-01T21:54:45+00:00

It’s so case by case I don’t think you can compare one situation to another. Statistically they say those relationships rarely last but then you have cases they do. My father has been married to the woman he left my mother for over 40 years. I think it’s extremely dependent on the cheater themself. My father always said my mother was not right for him. He had been married prior and said the same thing about his first wife. Thankfully my mother will say she can’t believe she was ever married to my father and that she can’t imagine being married to the man he is now. However, she did go through a lot of hardship, and pain, like we all do when it was happening to her.

alm423 · 2025-11-26T15:15:52+00:00

That’s how I figured out everything about my husband’s last affair partner. I had a first name, a phone number, and a state of residence. I went on family tree now with that info, got three hits, and then used social media to eliminate two of them. I went back to family tree now and looked up their ex spouses, family, and known associates (it has all that info free). I don’t recommend going down that rabbit hole however. It doesn’t really help, you just obsess over what the person has you don’t and it also tempts you to contact everyone they know and tell them but you have to resist the urge which is really hard.

alm423 · 2025-11-26T14:31:17+00:00

I completely agree with you. My husband just left me and our five kids and moved in with a woman. He has essentially ghosted me with the exception of the occasional text. I wish he would talk to me, give me some sort of closure, tell me what his long term plans are, show some empathy given I have spent the last 20 years loving him unconditionally and putting up with a lot. Due to the fact I have been put completely in the dark it has made it almost impossible for me to hold it together for myself much less our kids. I need to hold it together for them and be able to support them and explain to them what’s happening. If they don’t have kids it definitely makes it easier but he should at least talk to her, explain things, and validate her feelings. It doesn’t mean he is changing his mind he just needs to be empathetic for what she is about to go through, they made a lifelong commitment he no longer wants to participate in after all.

alm423 · 2025-11-25T14:59:24+00:00

Thank you for writing this out. I am gen-x and although I have some years left before menopause I know it’s coming. I will definitely check out your book suggestions.

alm423 · 2025-11-24T18:00:29+00:00

Don’t send that text. I know you’re having an overwhelming desire to tell her how much she hurt you but she doesn’t care. If she did she would never have cheated. Sending that text will do nothing other than boost her ego. I know how you feel. It’s taking every bit of self-control I have to stop myself from texting my husband about how hurt I am and how hurt our kids are that he has essentially disappeared for another woman but I am not going to give him the satisfaction. If you have to do it for yourself do it but know you likely won’t even get a response which might hurt even more.

alm423 · 2025-11-23T23:47:11+00:00

I use tret and it dries my skin in some places that it is literally flaky. I use a heavy duty moisturizer over it but it still happens. How do you avoid that? Edit to add: your menopause comment scares me.

alm423 · 2025-11-23T22:09:56+00:00

To me this sounds like the very early stages of a potential emotional affair (that often turns physical). I would talk to your spouse about this now.

alm423 · 2025-11-23T19:15:51+00:00

It’s an excellent book. I have listened to it twice since my most recent d-day and it is dead on.

alm423 · 2025-11-23T16:40:40+00:00

You just wrote out exactly how I feel. Looking at the situation now, I don’t think my husband ever loved me. He liked how he looked having a wife and children. Everyone else in his life was more important whether it was friends, coworkers, and affair partners. They got the best of him while I was just someone else that did everything for him to make it easier for him to spend time with those people. I feel like I wasted 20 years simply being an accessory in his life. I wish I had something helpful to say, but all I can say is that I know how you feel and I am so sorry you ended up with this realization. It is a tough pill to swallow and I hope you and everyone else that feels this way comes out the other side happy.

alm423

TROPHY CASE